Threats and Consequences

It was the dinnertime. As we have our dinner by 6:30 p.m. most of the days, we do not wait for the dad (who anyways is not home before 8:00 p.m.). In order to calm the kids down, I promised to tell them a story during the meal. I made up an instant one and was rather proud of myself (infact, had thought of publishing it here as well), when chini got inspired and decided that she would also tell me a story. Now, this has been going on for quite some time and the kids were encouraged to come up with their creative/narrative talents. For quite a while they were stuck with the "happily ever after syndrome but were fast developing more skills to story-telling. Sugarbun always starts with "Once upon a time" and ended with "the end", in the middle would be anything from dora to mom, to a puppy to anything she can think of at that moment. Chinipie had started giving twists to the traditional tales, sometimes making a potpourri of many stories together and at times coming up with some of her very own, which was amazing.

But the story she made impromptu today, just shook me up. Though, she has been insisting, ever since, "momma, that's just in my story!", I have not been able to fathom her figment of imagination. And somehow feel, much to the dad's amusement, that somehow my actions and doings have led to it.. guilt. Guilt!

Here it goes, exactly as she said it. Let me know what you think of it..

There was a little girl and her baby brother, who lived with their mommy and daddy. Daddy had gone to office. The kids were playing in their play room, when their mommy asked them to clean up in 10 minutes. When mommy came in the room, it was all messy. Toys and books were all on the floor. So she got very angry and went upstairs to her room and banged the door and locked it. When the dad came home, he pushed open the door and asked what happened; to which she replied that the kids are being very mean. The kids, too, entered the room and then the mommy yelled at them. The policemen came and took mommy away and put her in jail. The kids shouted "yippie" and jumped in the bed all night. Then, the dad joined them, cheering "yippie" too!!

To which I asked, was the mommy wrong in asking the kids to clean up their mess? (I always ask them to!In fact, had asked them to clean up before dinner. Their are time-outs or no story or no play time as a consequence)
Do I ever bang the door or lock it? (I never ever bang the door and shutting any door except the front and the back door and of course, the bathroom doors are against the rules of our house. I wonder, if my locking the bathroom door might have triggered that point coz it's sth new for them. Oh! she had closed her room's door on sugar's face, this afternoon, when sugar had started crying, she had immediately realized her folly. I was in another room and didn't intervene.)
Will you be happy if I go away? Sugar replied that they would be sad while each time, chini kept saying it's just a story!


I do try to be strict with them in certain matters, and talk in a firm,stern voice, sometimes, raising my voice, too(which I regret and am trying to improve upon). And there are threats, consequences, time-outs too, which actually turn out to be very traumatic for all of us. Parenting, as I see, is very challenging and an ever-learning process in which I find myself growing with the kids. But, never, had I thought that I am bad at it. Probably, I am thinking too much. Probably, being closer to 5, chini is at a stage where she is constantly inquiring and experimenting with lots of idea around her/in her mind.

For instance, this was the conversation yesterday:
Momma, trying to get sugar to do something: (in a stern voice)
I want you to come here, right now!
Chini, sitting close-by, looks up from her book,
what will you do?
Let her come here first.
no but, what will you do if she doesn't come?
I will get upset.
Then? Then, what will you do?
I will be very upset.
If you get upset, what will you do? Will you hit her?
NO!! We don't raise our hands when we get upset. That's not the right thing. Have I ever hit you?
AFter some thinking,Yes! this morning, when I was getting ready.
Honey! that was an accident! I was trying to reach ur shoes when that happened and I did say sorry to you! (Actually, my hand had accidentally brushed against her)
Yeah you did! but tell me, what will you do to sugar now? Will you put her out in the rain? Will you throw her in the garbage truck? What will you do?
[Okay, now this needs some explanation. On Monday, after bringing chini back from school, sugar had started throwing tantrums and had not wanted to enter the house. "Home is boring", she had said. It was raining and Monday, being the trash pick-up day, after much cajoling, I had said that she can stay outside in the rain, if she wants. Sugar, in fact, was very happy. To which, chini had got much agitated, "No! Don't do that to my sister! the garbage truck will come and pick sugar up and throw her in fire .. like Andy's toys in toy story 3!!" Sugar was excited with the idea of hitching a ride in the garbage truck and the fire truck. Only her sister's protests and convincing made her rethink and both the sister's got in the house, holding hands. Garbage truck actually crushes things before taking them to dump in the fire, mommaLater, she had told me. So, never again talk about leaving her outside on a garbage day! As I had marveled over her immense observation and the sister's bond, the matter, for me, was over.]
What will you do, momma. Answer me.
Why do I have to give you both consequences for everything? Why can't you do just as I ask, in the first place?
Because.. Ok. I will help you. I will ask sugar to come.



Now tell me what will I do?? What should I do??

Nighttime routines- then and now

Starting with changing into the night dress, where each of my fasion divas want to wear a nightgown to brushing the teeth to getting to the bed to actually fall asleep, the night time routine in this household is a mix of fun and struggle each night.

Tonight, I had to brush cindrella's and snowwhite's teeth beore Sugarbun let me brush hers. I, somehow have a feeling that I did something of this sort for chini at around the same time. Whether I did or not, am not sure as it has been two years since and I wasn't blogging as frequently then. What I do remember is that last year, we had tough time stopping sugar from brshing her teeth. Any chance she got, she would climb up on the pedestal and somehow manage to get to the brush... No matter how far from her reach I would have kept it. The paste, then applied, and faucet running, she would brighten her one dozen pearly whites at least 5-6 times a day. Night times would be all the more difficult as she would keep pushing chini off the stool. To top it up, she used to be mad at us coz we didn't let her use her sister's toothpaste. (She uses the toddler's toothpaste as she doesn't know yet how to spit but swallows it all.) With chini, then, it was the struggle of independence. Where last year, she was in a "I will do it myself" phase, ths year it has been replaced by "you do it for me". Every night she has some kind of reason for not doing it herself. I very didtinctly remember how she used to light up when after doing my part, I used to hand her the brush for her turn. And also, how we used to quarrel whose turn would it be first. Well, times change and in this case, the place has changed too.

Getting to bed is another story in itself. Where last year, dad used to check and chase away the monsters from under the bed, behind the curtains and from the toy chest, this year, he soothes chini as every night she declares,"I am scared of the dark". I scared of dark, sugar has started too since past two days. This is very new as we have stopped giving her sippy cup (milk) for bed. Until now, she had been using her sippy cup to self-soothe her through the night. Now, they sing and talk to each other, calling out to mom and dad, in between, too.

However upset or tired we are, the constant evolution of those three words from i yuy u to i vuv u to i love you doesn't fail to work their magic on us each night as we turn off the lights and try to sneak out of their room.

Of craziness and innocence

Chini is a very sensitive child. A bit of stern behavior is enough to throw her into a fits of crying. Even a gentle rebuke can guarantee the same effect. Sugar, on the other hand, laughs off at our face if we dare enough to scold her. Nevertheless, if we disagree with her on something, it can turn out to be a tricky situation.

A few episodes asserting the same:
More often than not, sugar eyes the same stuff that chini would be having, be it a toy, a dress, a book or any other silly thing like a leaf. Sometimes,chini puts up a fight and says no, while other times she gives it to her, willingly or unwillingly. Some time back, it was a necklace or a bracelet that chini had to share with her, albeit half-heartedly. To show her displeasure, when sugar put it on herself and declared that she looked like a princess, chini added.. Yeah a dirty princess. Sugar was in such an elated state, that she believed her. Ever since, she takes a pride in being a dirty princess, much to chini's amusement. Any attempts to Contradict can throw sugar in roaring fits!

There are times that there are role reversals and chini is suddenly reminded that she ever had that kind of toy with her(obviously, this illumination has to happen when sugar has that object). Just a disapproving comment like, sometimes you don't behave good proves out be extremely touchy. On being asked, why is she screaming, she replies, "you hurt my feelings!"
what?!? Now we are not supposed to even correct them?

One such day, very casually I remarked,"pagli kahiin ki". And before i knew, there she was rolling on the floor, with her vocal chords pulled to the extreme!!! I can't recollect what led me to pass that comment but i was definitely not upset with her. Puzzled, I asked why was she screaming an she complained, "you said bad words to me!" Now, this was really absurd, that girl doesnt even know much Hindi to make so much fuss. So I asked,
Do you even know what I said
No.
Then why are you crying
I don't know
Atleast try to know the meaning, before you take an offense
What's offanse?
Before you feel bad
What did you say then?
Pagli means crazy
and with that I braced myself for another session of fits..
You called me a crazy kid?
Errr yes
still trying to prepare my ears for their next set of exercises..
Ha ha ha.. I m a crazy kid..
She started laughing amidst her rolling tears!!!

And ever since this remark is bound to make her laugh whenever she's sad...
As for sugar, she just says, "I am not paghi tunki"

Such is the craziness and innocence of my pinkie pies!!