How do you grow?

Another one from October:

For school, Chinipie had picked out a dress for herself, which she had outgrown. I avoid removing such dresses from her closet, cause sugar will grow into them and my past experience has been that if I take those dresses away, I completely forget about them until sugar has outgrown them too. And they are, usually in a good condition to be worn as a hand-me-down. Now, on this particular day, Chinipie had picked one of her favorites from late spring/early summer. When I told her that the dress is too little for her, she obviously didn't agree and wanted to wear it. Knowing her very well, I asked her to try it on and see for herself, if she would be comfortable in it. (I use this strategy quite often. good way for them to experiment n learn). After struggling to get into it, she gave up and rather sadly, remarked, "I used to wear it when I had turned 5. I am still 5 and that dress doesn't fit me Anymore." 

"Coz, beta, you are growing."

"Why?"

"Coz we grow each day." 

Why?

"Coz that's how it is.  Every day either we grow or our hair or our nails..."

Picking on it, she started adding, "even our hands, our feet, our fingers."

"Yep. You got it. Now let's get ready for school.  Mommy picked out a dress for you that still fits you."

"Why? Why does is still fit me? I am not tall enough not to fit in that dress yet?"

Yes.

"One day, I will grow up and even this dress will be small for me?"

"Yes."

Getting all teary-eyed, she says, " But I do not want to grow. When I grow, I will have to go away from you. I will not get anymore huggies and kissies from you. I do not want to miss them!"

"Awww my baby. You do not have to grow up that soon. There's a long time to that. Besides, I will always give you hugs n kisses. You will never outgrow them, for sure! "

Seemingly pacified, she started getting dressed, when she again asked, " momma, do all of us grow each day?"

"Yes beta."

"Even the grown ups?"

"Even papa."

"Even you"

"Yes beta."

" So you grow tall like me each day too?"

"No beta. I don't"

"But the other day, I heard you telling papa that one dress didn't fit you anymore.. That it was too little for you..."

Momma, scratching her head, trying to remember, when she wud have assumed herself growing so tall that her dress wudn't fit.....

"Oh! I know. When you are a grown-up, you don't grow tall anymore. Isn't it?"

"Yes beta."

Decidedly, she adds, "you don't grow tall anymore. You grow fat."

??!!!!??

The Bliss!

So momma has been pretty much on high ( owing to the pain killers, anti-inflammatory and the likes) for past 11 days or so.

The 'television' and 'ipad' has turned out to be her best friends, even if she doesn't like them a bit. They keep the kids engaged all waking hours, while she snores on.

With her not being able to do much in the kitchen, (and until some good friends came to the rescue, ) we have been surviving on the dad's culinary skills which includes making khichdi, uttapam (from the store bought batter), and omellete-bread. Also, topping the lists, have been the carry-outs from the Indian restaurants and pizza places.
As chinipie accompanies dad to the most shopping trips/picking up the carry-outs, while sugar has to stay at home (and gets to play with the ipad), we have a new set of complaints. While sugar throws a fit each time they(chini n dad) leave the house, Chini says " u always keep sugar with u and send me everywhere - to school, to shopping, to get pizza, everywhere!"


Not all has been gloomy though, they still light up their momma in their little ways.

When not watching the tee vee, or complaining about nt getting to spend time with the mommy, Chini makes 'get well soon' and 'feel good' cards for mommy. She even decorates them with stickers and adds her precious possessions (rocks,stones,pencils,etc.) with the notes. She went a step ahead and told her teachers at school that mommy was in a car accident. She tries to be gentle around momma as she knows that mommy is still sore n every inch of muscle on her hurts. While she still worries that something is wrong with momma's chin(seeing the neck brace on her), her little sister just orders the mom to take it off, get up and change her arbe's dress. My little sugarbun, for whom momma's trip to the emergency room was a fab outing, is blissfully ignorant of all going around her. What a lovely stage she is in!

The holidays

We are here and all in good health (lemme do a touchwood real quick unless those much-scared infections make a comeback in my family)? Though, chinipie kept insisting the entire last half of december, much to mom's and dad's anxiety, I am sick. I am very very sick.. Poor parents couldn't figure out why their lovely dughter would feel so and tried, in vague, to erase any such thoughts from her mind. Only when chinipie declared, one fine morning, I am bored of being sick. I miss my school., that it dawned to them that the whole concept f uch a long holiday is new to her. The only time she skipped her schjol was when she was not well and mommy kept her home. Naturally, she put two and two together and concluded that she is sick. Amazing, how their mind works in such a simple fashion!

So the school was off for entire two (holiday) weeks in december which when mommy counted actually came out to be ei-gh-t-een days!  18 dark, cold and wintry days, stuck in the house with two very active kids and with the dad absconding (read slogging@office ) for unreasonably looongg hours!  Mommy declared that unless the dad had some good plans, she is off to her Mom's place. The threat never even came close to being executed as when mom checked the flights, the prices (even after excluding the dad) were high enough for her to abandon any plans to travel for next two years at least!  Nevertheless, the dad, seeing the plight of his highly motrified wife, took a week off(he hadn't taken a single day off the entire year!). Mommy, very generously, ignored the fact that half the time he was still working from home, and did make two rushes to the office for some urgent meetings. Also, she pardoned the messy state of the home - owing to another fact that the two different set of guests, who were to visit us during the holidays, cancelled their plans. As mommy had been busy preparing the meals (as her plan ahead initiative) so that they could spend most of the time showing the guests around the city instead of the kitchen, the entire house had been turned topsy-turvy.
Hassled, momma asked chinipie, doesn't all this mess bother you?
Contemplating, for a while, which answer would please her mom, she decided to stick to her own self and said,no
Momma, then turned to sugar, her little one, who just turned her back and continued with her precious contribution in giving the house a look of a dumpyard.
With lots of expectations, she then, looked upon the dad and even hoped that he would volunteer to help her cleaning up; instead got an advice to ignore. So, mom made it her mantra, and as much as it bothered her, didn't even move a finger to clean. She, even, took it a step further and started dumping things, secretly hoping, that eventually she might get a Helping hand. Turned out that she had been entirely singled out here and shez the only one, in the family, who gets irritated by the uncleanliness. She had to give up after a few days of fretting and fuming!

The holidays were well spent, despite of such minor episodes, which have acquired a tendency to occur at a more frequent rate than expected in our household. We spent an entire day at a nearby amusement park, enjoying the fun rides (an unusual experience at this time of the year where we are) and signing the day off with a special holiday light and sound display. Another day was spent at the children's museum, yet another watching the disney princess stories on ice(after which both the girls put on their fluffy shoes and skate, twirl and whirl on the kitchen floor pretending the hardwood floor to be ice). We also revamped the kids room with their favourite princesses and fairies wall decor.

Santa had left some exciting gifts which included the nail paint(of course princess ones!). Mom was treated with an exclusive spa treatment with a perfectly finished manicure and pedicure. Thanks Santa! But as he came on christmas eve vs the actual christmas evening, it was declared that the missing gifts(From the list) will be delivered tonight. Uh oh! Mommy took all the efforts to convince that he comes only once and did indeed come on the correct day and time! And yes! That morning, first thing chinipie did was- came running downstairs to check if indeed he had come and on finding the gifts, she had come running to me- momma, santa did come! And he left lots Of gifts for me and Sugar. Then, she had one running to the dad and repeted the same excitedly! Again, a dash to her room to wake her sis up and share the exciting news. In case you are wondering why she was surprised, that's coz according to her this wasn't winter and most certainly not the christmas time! Why? Coz - in her words - It isn't snowing at all. How can it be winters? How can it even be christmas? We didn't even get to make a snowman! And the christmas has to be a white one! While mommy wondered at her daughter's logic ( and thanked the stars, silently, for not sending the winters this year), she assured her girl that, most certainly, it would snow and we would get to make a snowman. Only to find her crying, one morning, on her bed - it's not even snowing. How will we celebrate christmas? though, she played alng with her dad and mom, and involved her baby sister too. And, together, they decorated the christmas tree, decorated a gingerbreadhouse and made cookies, and left a bowl of "yummy halwa", a plate of cookies, a cup of hot cocoa for Santa and went outside to sprinkle oats and sarkled sugar for Santa's reindeers. On seeing the cup empty (and, of course, after opening all the gifts), she did, indeed go out to check if the oats were gone. Mommy's heart was pounding very fast, expecting, another loud bawl, but God is indeed, merciful! Voila! The oats were gone! Must have been mom's lucky day! Later, while playing with her newly received toys, and while thinking aloud what should be on next ear's list, chini declared, Christmas is my favourite holiday! And mine too, sugar chimed in.

The gingerbread house - captured before it collapsed!

Food for reindeer(in the packet)

Stay tuned. There's a lot more to tell you all.

Science in Kitchen

It was a rather sunny winter afternoon and the temperature was not too cold either. Hence, the crazy family decided to go to their fAvourite hangout- 100cents to those who can guess what it can be? Hold ur breath.. It's the ZOO!!! No pun, it is a fun place to take ur kids too. And all the more in spring, when u can see the kangaroos and the likes jumping with their cutie babies in the pouch! And sugar just loves the felines- tigers, leopards, cheetahs and the likes. Ofcourse, they have to be on the other side of the fence!

We were in the reptiles sections and while sugar was getting worried over the flicking tongues of the lizards ( nopes not the little wall lizards. These were bigger varieties from the Africa and the South America), chini was busy watching the cobra doing the 'standing straight on the spine' act! A rather hassled momma was busy checking if that venomous reptile is all secured and there's no chance of it escaping its glass abode, when a tiny hand softly called on her,
"so what does cobra do to you except for this dance? Why are they dangerous?"
They bite.
they bite you and then they leave you alone?
What??!!?
they bite you, then what? Do they eat you?
That's when it struck momma, that on our lAst visit to the zoo, we were more fascinated by king's distant cousins(?) the pythons, boas and anacondas, which squeeze you to death to gobble you up or send a wiggling you in their tummy.
No, they bite you and you die. Momma said.
Why?
Because their bite is poisonous.
What's poisonous?
Something that can make you die.
So they bite with stings like the bees?
No, they bite with their teeth. Their teeth have poison in them.
Oh. So where do the bees have poison? Why do the bees die after they bite you
And momma distracted chini, hey where's sugar? Where's ur li'l sister? We need to find her!! And made a mental note to blast the dad to again have deluded her, in the time of need! I swear he was there with us when we had entered that closed arena!

Yeah! Go on. Mock me! I have my limits. There are a certain number of questions I can take at a time. Next time, probably, I will remember to get a better network covering smartphone with me. Probably, wikipedia might come to my rescue at places where my own memories of science lessons and of course, the dad go for a long walk!!



Here Are a few trivia questions that are thrown at me almost on a daily basis..


A blueberry has the word 'blue' in it and it is blue. A blackberry has the word 'black' in it and it is black.
Why does strawberry has the word 'straw' in it? Does it have any straw in it?


Why is apple seed brown and orange seeds white?
Why is the avacodo seed so big while these are small?
Why are papaya seeds round?
Why do we eat pomegranate seeds ? and not apple's and orange's seeds?


Why do rotis fluff up? Why do we fry pooris in oil?

Why do you make 'atta'? ( actually she was trying to ask why does the water bind it together?)

Why have all the leaves not fallen off the trees? ( pointing at the Spruce and fir outside the kitchen window)

Why do you wash vegetables aNd fruits?
Why do we Cut them?
Why do we cook them?
Why do you eat mirchi? ( spicy food) while I cannot?
Why do we have to chew food?

Why do you put dahi in milk to make dahi? (while watching me prepare yogurt)


See how many you can answer, and remember you are in the kitchen with hands stuffed in sticky dough and do not hv access to either ur smart phone or any other form of internet! And surrounding you is your curious 4-yr old and chattering 2-yr old, so you can' t move. One of them is talking away non-stop and the other is stuck at that one question, and can't help repeating it over and over. And, beware, though u r in a hurry to get the food ready on the table before they get too hungry, you cannot snap at them! They are acting their natural innocent self! And then, there is this bright hope of them growing up to be highly intellectual beings!!

Go on... Take the challenge!
Answer them and yes, share them with the rest of us mortal beings as well!
What say? Did you have to google it up? Did you ever think such a question can be asked?
Actually, a few of them, have been taught in school.. Probably when we were 10 or more? So, is this a highly evolved generation?

P.s. don't forget ur answers shud be in simple words for 4-yr old's

Exchanging the gifts!

So, the box of goldfish has been long consumed and momma is being pestered to make the gingerbread man cookies. Meanwhile, mom was also notified last week that presents were being wrapped for her at school. The naive momma failed to take the hints and worried too much over her diarrhea(mom ruined the whole weekend as her fatso-body reacted to the anti-biotic). So, this afternoon, post-school, she was duly informed that the christmas present is in the bag and will be hidden under her bed (mom's bed) and that she cannot open it until the actual day. A frail Attempt was made to count, the number of days left, on the fingers And it was declared that christmas is still too far. By the time, the journey to the home was made, momma was being questioned what did she 'make' as gifts for her oh-so-nice kids and whether she made the wrapping paper herself too. To avoid bring caught, momma replied that she was still working on the gift and it should be done before Mr.Claus arrived. Meanwhile, the furtive momma was trying to churn up her gray cells fast to come up with some hand-made worthwhile work of love (multiplied by two) which could be finished At such a short notice! And that's when the bomb dropped. The wrapped present was thrust in her hands with
"Alright momma. You can open the gift now. And after that, show me what you are making for both of us"
So much for lying!!
But chini, We will open all our gifts on the xmas day. That's okay
No momma! I want you to open the gift now. I made it specially for you. I can't wait until christmas. I know you will love it!
Guiltily, momma unwrapped the gift to find a beautiful wall hanging with a hand-prints wreath on it.
Those are my hands! Can I touch those red berries?
And momma thought all's forgotten about seeing her gift.

And it was, only for a while!
Can I see what you made for me n sugar now?
Seriously, what kind of memories do these kids have?
To mom's rescue came two bracelets that she had made in summers(for her friends, albeit) and to her delight, they were loved and momma was showered with many hugs, kisses and thank you-s.

Isn't this the cutest age, when even a grass twig can make them happy??



As an afternoon activity, we had slotted the day for hanging the ornaments on the tree in our front-yard. My apple tree as sugar calls it. So, the day was well spent in cutting the ribbon and stringing the ornaments. We were having fun hanging them on the tree and watchinjg a couple of them catapulting themselves to a higher branch! That was magic!chini exclaimed. As we went on with our business, a neighbor came by and remarked how pretty the tree looked. Taking it as a compliment, she informed us that it is actually against the society's rules!! A couple more came( imagine! In this chilling cold! Guess they were all watching us from their windows!!) and affirmed. The mom was advised to check with the head, though, whose house was shown too, just couple of blocks from ours. You can do something fun on the deck, the girls were told. By the time, we reached his house, he was already informed and they didn't have to guess why we were there. Guess, in our neighborhood, the news travel faster
Than aajtak! Cheesy?i know! So, the head told us that he had fairly an idea why this mom with her two little girls was there and said he would stop by to check what (unspeakable crime!) we had done. He did come, with a printed copy of the do's and don'ts of the society, wondering if our house-owner had already gave us one. (yeah they did, and we burnt it! Really, what's up with this home-owners assn. guys?). Well, I told him that we didn't have one. I was shown the one, in which the christmas section was highlighted for our ease. Apparently, nothing, including coloured or blinking lights can be used. only white candles is the windows or small white string lights can be used At the doors. Form our reference, we were advised to take a walk in the neighborhood. And oh! As for our ornaments, nothing and nothing can be put in the yard!! The girls were a little disappointed but still maintained that they had a fun afternoon! As a bonus, they got to play with the HOA head's puppy. That left momma wondering,

Time to get a christmas tree??

You know

That...

... It's Time to hit the gym, when one of your kids asks, "why is momma's tummy so big?"

... U r goin crazy, when u frantically start looking for one of ur kids, only to realize later that she actually is in your arms!

... Ur kids are watching too much TV when u try to punish them by taking their toys away and they react with "swiper no swiping"!

... U r raising a proud-to-be-a-girl, when on hearing Mulan's story, she immediately coins a story in which the boy dresses up as a girl!

... They got ur genes, when you catch them reading books in the dim night light!

... U r extremely lucky, when seeing you dressed up, your little darlings shower you with praises like "i love your hair", " i really like your dress" "ur ear rings are beautiful", "u look pretty"!


Go on add more..

Nighttime routines- then and now

Starting with changing into the night dress, where each of my fasion divas want to wear a nightgown to brushing the teeth to getting to the bed to actually fall asleep, the night time routine in this household is a mix of fun and struggle each night.

Tonight, I had to brush cindrella's and snowwhite's teeth beore Sugarbun let me brush hers. I, somehow have a feeling that I did something of this sort for chini at around the same time. Whether I did or not, am not sure as it has been two years since and I wasn't blogging as frequently then. What I do remember is that last year, we had tough time stopping sugar from brshing her teeth. Any chance she got, she would climb up on the pedestal and somehow manage to get to the brush... No matter how far from her reach I would have kept it. The paste, then applied, and faucet running, she would brighten her one dozen pearly whites at least 5-6 times a day. Night times would be all the more difficult as she would keep pushing chini off the stool. To top it up, she used to be mad at us coz we didn't let her use her sister's toothpaste. (She uses the toddler's toothpaste as she doesn't know yet how to spit but swallows it all.) With chini, then, it was the struggle of independence. Where last year, she was in a "I will do it myself" phase, ths year it has been replaced by "you do it for me". Every night she has some kind of reason for not doing it herself. I very didtinctly remember how she used to light up when after doing my part, I used to hand her the brush for her turn. And also, how we used to quarrel whose turn would it be first. Well, times change and in this case, the place has changed too.

Getting to bed is another story in itself. Where last year, dad used to check and chase away the monsters from under the bed, behind the curtains and from the toy chest, this year, he soothes chini as every night she declares,"I am scared of the dark". I scared of dark, sugar has started too since past two days. This is very new as we have stopped giving her sippy cup (milk) for bed. Until now, she had been using her sippy cup to self-soothe her through the night. Now, they sing and talk to each other, calling out to mom and dad, in between, too.

However upset or tired we are, the constant evolution of those three words from i yuy u to i vuv u to i love you doesn't fail to work their magic on us each night as we turn off the lights and try to sneak out of their room.

The rain and the mist

It's been raining for past two weeks with a few breaks in between.

The last week had started with the downpours outside the house and the thunders inside.. With a hollering mom, and two very vociferous girls, it was a yelling, slamming, smashing and stomping second week of the school year! The mornings were spent in trying to hurry up the kids to reach the school on time.. Despite which two out of five mornings, we were late.. There's always some or the other reason for us reaching late.. At the nick of the moment, chini will remember that she has to finish her painting for Mrs. R (her teacher) or sugar will give me a tough time for putting the shoes on.. Or one of them would fuss about my choice of dress/socks/shoes for them.. If i let them choose, it would be a tough, loooooong decision and so on and so forth... The list of our daily morning struggles are endless..

And though I plan well ahead and put in all the efforts, something or the other keeps the clock ticking and with each ticking of the hand pointing closer to my planned departure time, I start losing my temper. I try the reverse counting, I gulp down pitcher of water, I remove myself from the scene and every other methodologies that your pediatrician and/ or the parenting magazines claim to work for the other parents(including them)... Am clueless, as to why, they never seem to work for me!! In fact, I have reached to the conclusion that I might be the best example for a bad parenting case..

Each morning, I promise myself that I would try n imbibe those tone-modulation low-voice advices... And by each evening I break this promise at least three times! With my tone at the highest pitch and my voice at the loudest volume, the only people, on this earth, who take this grunting are my two little daughters. OK the dad too gets a part of it.. But he is not at home 90% of the times.. In effect, my sweet little girls get the most of the. There are times, when I realize that I am unnecessarily raising my voice at these poor kids and I can say the same thing in a much lower voice, but am not able to tune myself down... Leaving me with a wretched guilt! So many times, I remind myself that they are but just 4-yr and 2-yr olds, and they are bound to be not listening and playing but in the spur of the moment, I just lose it..

Meditation, deep breathing, counting.. All of it lasts until it does.. After you open your eyes, the scenario doesn't change.. We still need to be reach where we have to.. We still are running on nick of time..

One such morning, in the rush, we put our shoes on, fetch the bags, locked the house, got in the car, buckled and hit the road! Halfway through, I cooled down and said "sorry chini. I yelled at you."

She smiled and said, "that's okay momma. I still love you."

And with misty eyes, I continued driving...

And gave her a huge long hug when we reached the school...

For being the light of my life....

An apology and the feeling of being a dinosaur

This apology goes out to all my readers viz. my blog friends, my family, and all my friends who I know were following my blog-posts and had loved to read them in my pre-blog-sabbatical era. I had stopped abruptly! Many a times, I promised to come back but I didn't. and still you all kept waiting.. directly/indirectly telling me that you always used to look forward to my new posts and some of you also told me that you were inspired by them (am deeply honored!). I am truly truly sorry for not writing all along.. someday, may be i will tell why.. but for now, let's just say that I got busy with the growing up of chinipie, nurturing sugarbun in my belly, watching them grow, indulging myself in being a house-mom (probably more than reqd.), managing a huge house, moving, etc. etc. etc.


That being said, I tried, many-a-times to come back to the blogging world. But, every time i did, I felt like there was so much going on already with this virtual world.. down to the fact that the whole perspective/way/technicalities of blogging had changed each time I tried coming back. I really felt/feel like the DINOSAUR of the blogging world!! And me being a techie person (or so I think), I always felt lemme relearn all this before I start blogging.. and that's where I went wrong I guess. Having learnt my lesson, this time I decided to let the things flow with my blog and to let them come along as my blog grows again..


Having said that, do bear with the haphazard view of my blog and lots of other non-technicalities till I fix them.. or better teach me how to.....

We are back..

Very sorry, friends, for such a long gap! The blog counter tells me that you missed Chinipie and her updates and believe me, I missed you too! I missed reading your blogs and expressing my views on them, missed blogging about Chinipie and general trivia, missed getting your reactions on Chinipie's updates, missed my laptop, missed 'home', missed Cleveland and above all missed my healthy, chubby and rolly-polly Chinipie!!

In case you are wondering (which I know most of my blogger friends must be) what happened.. we had been to India and what a trip it was! Never a day went by when I was not longing to be back(much to my disbelief! Especially when I had been so much looking forward for this trip!). I had wanted to update the blog before leaving but the gift shopping spree, packing and all the hum-drum associated with a long journey with an infant gave me little time to do so. Then, I had thought I would surely post when in India... but I hardly got a chance to lay my hands on a keyboard!

India trip was long due as she was born in the US and only naani had been here for her birth. The whole extended family had been waiting to see her plus her 'mundan' had to be done. India was unusually very cold this time and Chinipie was down with cold, cough and fever throughout. Poor baby could not even eat or sleep properly because of the severe nasal congestion. Moreover, DH came back after 15 days. So in addition, she missed her dad most of the time. She would hopefully look at the door when somebody would call out 'Papa'. Towards the end of the trip, she had diarrhoea too! And the more she would suffer, more I would think that I could have delayed bringing her to India. Am glad that it's over! Am glad to be back! Even though the journey back with a sick baby who had severe cold and who kept vomiting and pooping every few minutes was difficult, especially with the two halts and the delayed flights. It was tough but manageable and we had to rush her to her paediatrician the very next day of our arrival. She lost almost two pounds and is still recovering. It is exactly a month now that we landed in Cleveland and things have started settling down. Her jet-lag, her illness, and putting back everything in place in the house (DH would, of course, disagree with this one!) plus the lack of sleep and rest left me so tired that I could not gather my spirits to sit up and write. Hence, all the more delay. But now I am back, and promise to give you all the updates. There's been so much to tell you about Chinipie. She is growing up really fast! So watch out for my next post.

Until then, I leave you with the 'taklu' Chinipie..

A long time..

It's been so long since I have posted on my blog. Every time when I think that I now my Chinipie has a fixed schedule and I can have a fixed routine too and take some time out for the blogs that I so much want to write and the blogs that I love to read, she surprises me and changes her schedule and with each change becomes more demanding. Sometimes, I feel that I should have maintained a baby book instead, keeping a log of every little thing that she does, the idea which I had denied as I had thought that I will be writing a post on her blog everyday. I really should have gone for it as now days go by before I even get a chance to sit peacefully with my laptop. Otherwise it's just a quick login to check for any important mails... Today, after a long time, she is taking her afternoon nap for a longer period in which I could finish all my household chores, bath and then get a chance to login to post. She is such a light sleeper that I really do not want to jinx this blissful moment. I feel very selfish when I say such moments as the blissful ones and find myself longing for or enjoying such times, which are anyways in short supply these days. But the truth cannot be denied. I really long for times, when she sleeps for a longer snap of time leaving me with some time to not only finish the cleaning and the cooking but to leave me with some more time to just be with myself too. Now as I write this, I really feel like a bad mom and have this little pang of guilt of feeling this way. I am not sure if I will get over this guilt especially as she is a wonderful baby and I love to spend time with her and took time off my work only and only for her. But I do feel at times that she should sleep longer and let me be with myself for some time. Any consolations over here? Is it just me or the other moms out there have been through this phase too? If any of you have something to say about this, then please please let me know.

Hmmm.. today the apply of my eye turns 7 months and 7 days old and I have to do post on her past month. But that I will postpone for a while. For now, I am thrilled with this new surprise she had for me today! Before this one takes a back seat in my memory and I never get to blog again, let me jot it down here. I am absolutely absolutely in awe with this new milestone of hers! SHE CAN SIT UP BY HERSELF!! Yep! that's right!!! Two days back, I had put her to sleep in her crib and after about an hour she had let out a cry just as DH and I had sat down for the dinner. We listened for a while, and when her crying didn't stop DH went to pick her up. When he came back with her in his arms, he had told me that she was sitting in the crib and crying. I looked at him with disbelief! How could it be possible? She is with me the whole day and she never did that when she is fresh and active and even tired for that matter. How could she do that in her sleep? And that too when mommy is not watching her? Or is not there to notice it first? Hmmm.. Dad was obviously overstating things. She would have been on her all fours, just as she has been doing for past few days, and he would have been making up the rest of it. Nevertheless, I kept watching her the next day. I even left her for longer time than usual, intentionally not lifting her up when obviously she was tired being on her fours and shedding tears. I kept myself from entering the room she was in hoping to see her on her little bums when I go inside. But no, she didn't get on her hunches. Daddy was obviously making it up. Confirmed. And then I forgot everything about it. And then today, she did it! That too in front of my very own eyes!! I had put her in the crib as I was tidying up the bed. I saw her rolling over to her tummy and then getting on her fours and then she brought one of her legs forward. Simultaneously, she started crying. I thought she was stuck and as I came up to her to pick her up, and had my arms almost around her, when I noticed that she is trying to actually sit! I stopped and watched her. She pulled the other leg half way to the front and put all her weight on her hunches and then lifted her arms up to be picked up!!! I was so happy, I could have jumped hundreds of times. But I picked her up and cuddled her and kissed her face. She clearly did not want all these. I was very very happy with her so decided to give her whatever she wanted. So I nursed her to sleep, snuggled up next to me. In turn, she gave me what I wanted.. A longer nap!!!

mmmmuuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!
I love her sooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!!!!

To be or not to be...

on H1B visa... is the question that has been hovering on my mind constantly for the past few months. I have been very passionate about my work pre-Chinipie days and knew that after the first few months, when the baby needs you the most, I would definitely join back. And then, when my pregnancy was almost to the term, we moved from LA to Cleveland. That meant, I had to be completely relieved from the project I was working on through my employer (those who now how the s/w consultancy firms work would understand this). And then, Chinipie entered my world!
The pre-approved maternity leaves for three months, got extended to one more month and then one more and then I realized that my baby is my passion now. I was not ready to join work when very evidently my baby needs me more. Friends and relatives suggested to hire a babysitter/nanny or look for a home day-care or Indian baby-sitters if I were not okay with leaving her in the expensive and bigger day-cares where the staff is usually very over worked (and underpaid). But, the very thought of just leaving the baby with somebody else was very un-appetizing to me. How can somebody else take care of her needs as I do? They can change her diapers, feed her, play with her at times, put her to sleep, but how can they give the emotional support that only me, her mom can? How can they be the primary care giver? And then, the germs and diseases that she would be exposed to at such a tender age. To this, some of my friends added that their are other babies who go survive all this and adapt themselves, sooner or later, and now-a-days, it is very acceptable. Of course, they meant well and advised what they thought was the best. But, I just could not come to the terms of entrusting her in somebody else's hands for the whole day. One can argue that it's just a matter of few hours. But I see it as the whole day. Chinipie sleeps at around 9 in the night and gets up at 6 in the morning. If I go to work, this would mean that I need to dress her up, dress myself up and the casual mornings that we enjoy together would no longer be the same. Evenings, when I would bring her back while returning from work, would be spent in cooking and preparing for the next day. A little time to play, perhaps. This would mean that she would be home only to sleep!?! when she doesn't even go to the school or the college! Nopes, I just cannot come to the terms of this very idea.

And then the factor that if I join back work, it would be in an entirely new city, a new project/client location, a completely new team with new set of people who might or might not understand my need to leave on-time (s/w professionals are known to work over-hours) or early some days (when she would have to be picked up early) or take offs for that matter (in case she is not well, which I hear is a common for young babies who go to the day care. What justice would I be doing to my work? to myself? to Chinipie? I know, for sure, NONE!
More often than not, there are days when the unwashed dishes lie in the sink, the bed is waiting to be made up, the toilets to be cleaned, house to be vacuumed or at least tidied up, table-mats to be wiped, me yet to take bath, or cook food or eat for that matter. And I am busy feeding her, nursing her, bathing her, cooing her or just playing with her. I wait for her to go to sleep so that I get some time to do the chores or at the least cook something for myself and eat. And on such days, Chinipe just refused to go to sleep. She would take a short nap while nursing and as soon as I try to put her down, she would get up -all fresh and ready to play. All that I manage to do on such days is ZILCH! Neither do I enjoy with her completely, nor am I able to finish any of the tasks. When this happened more than a couple of times, I figured out that everything else can wait but these moments with Chinipie cannot! And I knew that all I want to do for now, is enjoy with her.

And this is when I decided that I do not want to go back to to work until she is independent. My current employers cannot keep me on H1B without being on the payroll (I have been on a leave without pay) for longer. So, they have asked me to get my visa converted to H4, a dependent visa, so that they can have my leaves approved, me being an offshore employee. This is what brought another dilemma. First it was, whether to join back the work and then it is, whether to stay on H1B or not? If I lose my H1B status, I would not be able to go back to work when I wish coz the whole process of getting another work visa is quite a lengthy one. And if I want to stay on H1B, either a find another employer (who would not want to hire someone who is not on payroll and then the H1B harassments is so common. I just do not want to fall in the wrong hands) or if I choose to stay with my current one, I have to join back work and try to take a transfer to this new city, which in itself is a big head-ache and joining back work, is anyways what I have decided not to. So, all in all, this is so much jumbled up. All this thinking has been eating my head and then I decided to vent it out, here, in my space, today.

And as I am writing this, I know which one I am going for. Any guesses?

Yep! it is the H4!! Whatever it takes to keep my Chinipie happy and healthy, I am in for it!! After all, my first priority is my baby, everything else can wait!!

Karwachauth and Hoi Ashtami

Yesterday was karwachauth, a festival which has a traditional and its own historic significance. As much as I love our tradition and all the little ceremonies associated, I add my own special meaning to them. Karwachauth, basically, is a fast observed by married woman for the longevity of their husbands. But I see it as a festival to honor relationships - relationship between husband and wife and relationship between m-i-l and d-i-l. These days we celebrate anniversaries, aping the errrr... western culture, which is nothing else but commemorating this very bond between a man and his wife. Here, do not get me wrong. I do not say that celebrating marriage anniversaries is wrong. I look forward for mine every year and I love celebration of any sort, especially if it has got anything to do with any kind of relations. For instance, two weeks back, it was "Sweetie's day" here in Ohio. A few months back, it was daughter's day and before that it was the father's day and there are so many other "special" days like Valentine's, Mother's and many more. For me, these are just one of the myriad ways of glorifying the wonderful relationships we share. To these western ways, we have our own Karwachauth, Teej, Rakshabandhan, and this year I am looking forward to "Hoi Ashtami" too. Hoi Ashtami is a fast that is observed for your children and as I said, as I love the festivities associated with relationships, am very much looking forward to my very first "Hoi Ashtami" as I absolutely absolutely love my darling daughter and at no cost would miss this chance to celebrate my love for her in our traditional way. I am yet to know the rituals to be performed for "Hoi Ashtami", so I will post about it later. For now, I will talk about Karwachauth, what it means to me and why it was much more special this year.

As I said earlier, this fast celebrates the wonderful relation DH and I share and as anyone who watches Bollywood movies will know that this fast is all about the husband and the moon (or eating after the moon rises). Actually, it's much more than that. In our Hindu mythology, any puja concerning suhaag (I wouldn't know the appropriate word for it, married-dom?) is dedicated to Lord Parvati and any fast concerning Lord Parvati and her son Ganesha, is to be broken after the night falls and hence, the significance of moon. In the late afternoon, the katha is read wearing all suhaag symbols and traditional attire, preferrably wedding chunri. The wives take out bayna for the mother-in-law, which usually consists of a sari or dryfruits or anything that you want to give her with love. For me, bayna holds a very special meaning as how can you celebrate your husband unless you have thanked his mother for she had bore him for you and nurtured him inside her body for whole nine months. Not to mention the upbringing, the education she gave him that he is finally fit to be your husband. This is usually a nirjal, nirahaar fast. But, last year, as I was carrying Chinipie then, DH had strictly asked me not to be so strict and had packed juice cans for me to be taken in the office. This year, as I am feeding her, he again insisted me on taking juices. In the late afternoon, as I got ready for the katha - I didn't wear a saree, but draped a chunri and adorned my mangalsutra, bichiya, bindi, sindoor and nath. I had kept nath until the last as I knew it would definitely attract Chinipie and leave me crying with pain. Until then, she had a bashful time going for my bindi and trying to take it out. When I finally put the nath on, she was more than happy to play with it. She was in my arms before I finally sat for the rituals and I moved her away just before her naughty hands could snatch it off me. I laughed at her excited face and seeing me, she started laughing too and thus, my puja started for which I sat her in my lap to avoid any mishap and have a good control on her to do my puja peacefully. Once, it was done, I removed chunri, nath n bindi immediately and when I finally donned them again for the post-moon rise ark, she was with DH and her reaction was unforgettable. She kept looking at me with blinking eyes for a few seconds before finally bouncing in excitement. And, this is how she made this karwachauth so special for me.

Today, my Chinipie turns 6 months old. Her very existence makes each day special for me. I wish you a very happy and a long life ahead, Chinipie.

A Promise..

Motherhood is a wonderful feeling.. puts one on the top of the world! but the real challenge comes in when you have to be a perfect blend of being a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister and a d-i-l and a s-i-l .. and then suddenly you start giving everybody a damn and are content just being a mother.. and then suddenly you stop and think of the day when your baby would no longer be just YOUR baby and you try to promise yourself not to become too possessive. And then your baby looks up at you and smiles and again you give this promise a damn and are content just being a mother and make yourself a new promise to enjoy these moments to the fullest..


Then comes the question of your career.. you find yourself at cross roads.. whether to get back to your career or wait for some time or take small steps towards your career. You are thoroughly confused as you always thought yourself as a career person or a person who would perfectly balance the work and the family. But then the very thought of career fills you with guilt! Guilt- of leaving your baby with strangers or with people who would probably give her everything but not the love of a mother - which you feel your baby doesn't need to be deprived of.. even for a single second. You can't bear to be away from your child for a tiniest moment and know, for sure, that you would miss your child, more than any other person you have ever missed in your life. And the very thought of missing your child wretches you! Just then, the career person in you pokes you and makes you feel more wretched for neglecting. And then your baby looks up at you and smiles and then again you give your career a damn and are content just being a mother and make yourself a new promise to enjoy these moments to the fullest..

Miracles of Motherhood!

You might be the worst singer in the whole universe, but your voice is the sweetest and most melodious to your baby's ears!


You might be the laziest person when it comes to scratch your gray cells to come up with something, but with your child you would be at your creativity best!

Weird Dreams!!

Before I forget, I want to log the weird set of dreams I had in the morning. They were in a series one after the other and after each of them, I distinctly remember waking up and thinking, 'that was a strange one!' before passing off to the dream world once again! I now remember only two of them.

In the first one I see myself Chinipie, but when I look at my arms, she is not there! And yet I am nursing him. Scene change- DH is sleeping on the bed on his side and now wants to change side. I almost yell out,'Careful! she is sleeping just behind you!' and he turns very slowly so as not to hurt her as both of us look down at his side and again there's nobody there!! hmmm. very weird!

In the second dream, all three of us are swimming, when DH and I get out of the pool to discuss something leaving Chinipie in her floating tubes in there by herself (?!??) when she realizes that her momma is not beside her and calls for me. We are standing just outside the pool and I turn around to see her coming out of the pool using the steel rails. I warn her to be careful when she stuns me by standing on her two little feet with me poking DH with my elbow saying ecstatically, 'Look, she is standing on her own!' Again, a weird one!!

If my theory that some of the dreams are mostly based on whatever we have been thinking or whatever happened during the day, then I think I can understand the basis of these dreams to some extent. They might have some root in the events occurred earlier in the evening. I was looking into some of the baby magazines, where I had read that it's not safe for the babies to sleep in the bed with parents and I had thought to myself, 'These people are very careless. We all grew up this way!'. Chinipie has her own crib and sleeps in there in the night, but mostly when I take her out of the crib for the middle of the night feedings, I feel very tired and sleepy to put her back in there. So, I carefully, let her sleep with me by my side. This might explain the dream 1 to some extent.

The dream 2, I guess, is related to my visit to one of our neighbours, in whose lap Chinipie had tried to put her feet when she was holding her in her arms. This neighbour, who has one year daughter of her own, was surprised that such a small child would want to stand! (Talking of the visit to the neighbours reminds me, their lovely daughter, A, was very happy to see the baby and me there and was happily trotting around me when Chini, pecked on my shoulder, had noticed her and started shouting herself in excitement! You should have noticed the look on both of their faces!! Chini looking down, shouting with excitement and A looking up, bewildered, silent (she had been chirping happily just a second before) and wondering as to what is happened suddenly!! I take it as an indication that I should arrange play-dates for Chini or at least, start taking out her to the classes held for babies. Time for her to make her own friends! :))) Swimming would have been there because DH and I both love swimming and plan to take Chini for the sport once she's old enough. So, now that I look back, I conclude that these dreams were not as weird as they had seemed early in the morning. May be the other ones which I have forgotten would also have some linkage.

Or may be, the only basis for these dreams is that my thoughts and my life now are prevailed by Chinipie - I, literally, eat, drink, and sleep Chinipie!!

Perfection

Whoever said that "Nobody's Perfect in this world" was wrong!!

I have come to believe-

Babies are perfect little human beings in the whole world.

Timeless Facts

Timeless Fact I

Babies are capable of rendering such a heart-wrenching cry that it would take your wits off and bring tears to your eyes!


Timeless Fact II

Babies are capable of rendering such a heart-melting smile that it would take your worries off and bring twinkle to your eyes!

New Look!!

Today, I got a new hair-do - following my thought. Thus, begins my journey from a dull, old-fashioned mom to a hep momma :)

The next on the list is to shed all these extra pounds!!

For cheer-ups

LAWS OF BABYHOOD

First law of Babyhood

When momma is exhausted to the point of dropping and thinks of taking a quick nap, the baby would grace her with a heart-melting smile (there goes momma's sleep!!).


Second law of Babyhood

Whenever momma thinks that baby is happily sleeping and she can catch up with some work, the baby will get up and start wailing.


Third law of Babyhood

When momma takes the diaper off the baby either to give her some nudie time or to change the diaper, the baby decides to shower the house with her offerings (in other words, pee-pee and poop-poop)