Pushing vs. Encouraging - identifying the fine line

Scenario 1 - Sugar and Chini are enrolled for the swim lessons. While Chini is enthusiastic about it, sugar has been quiet. She becomes clingy as soon as we enter the swim zone and just before the very first lesson throws up. Thankfully, she hadn't entered the pool so it's just outside. Nevertheless, I could tell that she is scared as she was not even letting me take her to the shower room to clean up for the fear of me leaving her again. There was no point of pushing her for the lesson again so after changing, I took her back to the swim area and instead of sitting on the pavilion, We went straight to the lessons area and let her see how each kid , including her oder sister was enjoying. All the while, mom's mind was apprehensive whether she's being pushy and the child is not ready yet. On giving it much thought and talking with other moms and grandmas and teachers, the mom realized that she actually and done the best thing by taking Sugar back to actually watch the other kids. So mom decided to give it one more try with no snacks 2 hours strictly prior to the swim time. And Voila! It worked. Not only does sugar now enjoy the swim lessons but actually looks forward to them.

Inference: sometimes, just a little tweaking and talking, of course, turns out a huge positive encouragement and puts a mom's mind to rest.


Scenario 2 -  Sugar and Chini are, finally, signed up for ice-skating lessons. They have been pleading for ages to join these classes. They are all decked up and super-excited. By the end of the first lessons, they have fallen so many number of times, that their spirits ate dampened. Mom talked to them how they had learnt walking as a baby and similar stories to encourage them. Towards the second week, Sugar has all forgotten about the first episode and is as enthusiastic as the last time but Chini develops this fear of hurting her nose or face(though she hd fallen last week on her bottoms every time). She actually had surprisingly one very well, inspite of the fact that those were her very first lessons on the ice. She had actually marched to retrieve the marker successfully thrown about two feet away from her starting point, without even falling once! Still, for some reason, she was afraid the second week and had declared just before the lessons that the only thing she was good at was standing still on the ice and guess what? To momma's horror, that's exactly what she did for full 35 minutes! No amount of cajoling, pampering(the coach carried her in his arms while he skated throughout the rink, in hopes that she would warm up!), taking, encouraging deter her! Horror of horrors, momma had never thought that her Chini would mean and act those words( of staying still) quite literally. The coach finally brought her out for some rest and some one on one time with the mom and said be would be back for her in the after ten minutes. On being asked, she said she had changed her mind and didn't want to learn ice-skating anymore. So, mom should cancel the lessons. Too bad, mom could actually visualize her two hundred dollars flushing down the drain. Nah! Just kidding. Mom tried to work her brains quickly and started thinking of all the peppy things, she could. But No! This time nothing was bound to work. Finally mom said, that as this course was already signed up for, it couldn't be cancelled and at the end, if Chini still didn't like it, she will not sign her up for the next session. But until then, she will have to give it a fair try and follow the coach's instructions. But NO. Mom's little adamant daughter didn't want to give anything to it. Not a try. Nothing. Finally, mom had no choice but to pull the last thread.
No try would mean some consequence. 
Give me any consequence, I don't care.
 Okay. So are you ready? 
Yes! 
No try would mean no electronics, no TV, no iPad for entire one week till the next lesson. 
That's not fair! 
Well, it is what it is. You chose it.

And lo and behold, she walked hand in hand with the coach as soon as he came for her, with a smile. And this time, she did march! Those baby marching steps, without falling, with a smile on her face all the time!


Inference: when you know your child can do it and has done it before, being a little hard on them, is definitely, not pushing.

And as soon as she was done, she came out and asked,

So do I get the iPad now.

The mom would have said yes but then it struck her, that her smart Chini might use it as 'only one trial is enough' and the message would be lost. So she decided to stick with the consequence, and said the next week when she tries and tries through the entire class, then she would get it back.

As soon as, we reached home, her smarty pants daughter said, 'I won't watch any episode or play games on the ipad. But I really need to order a book from the library. So, can I have e ipad for that purpose, at least?' 

NO! 
But Why?
BecAuse no ipad means NO iPAD!
Okay.

Before you think her reason was just, let me tell you what exactly would have happened had I said yes. She wud hv started with the library thing. Coincidently, at that very time sugar would have  wandered close-by. Would have snatched iPad from the older sis and despite all her warnings and protests, would have put on some episode. Which both would have been happily watched.

Been that route already. Have burnt my fingers, many a times. You see. ;)

The great summer vacations

So the summer vacations are on and though initially mommy was a little worried thinking about the super long three and a half months period at home, things have been going pretty busy so far.  With chinipie's karate and swimming and few other programs thrown in between, all of us get exhausted by the end of the day.

Oh and the major part of my day goes in coaxing them to go for it. I know I might sound like a cruel or a hard mom but it's them who wanted to go in the first place. Chini had been asking me why I don't take her to swimming any more and of course, what she would be doing the entire summer. I found out the best swimming classes and enrolled her. Sugarbun just assumed that she is in too. The morning of the very first swim lessons, both if them came downstairs with their swim costumes on. Looking at sugar's excited face, I had no heart to tell her that those lessons were only for four yr olds and up and decided to play uptil the last moment. Once there, she was just not ready to accept the fact that her big sister went but not her and kept asking me why she can't go. A look at her face and I could tell that shez about to cry. So, I just took the chance and asked the supervisor if she could start and was taken by surprise when he said yes. And before I knew she was gone with an instructor and I was at their office completing the sign-up formalities. The first day was fun as the focus wasî to get the kids used to the water. And the kids were more than eager the next day.

The second day was an eye-opener for them when they were left by themselves in the mid-water. Of course,  the teachers were there but not really holding them. And that's when it started. . I don't like swimming!  I don't want to go! Chini even asked "why don't they hv any noodles like the last summers?" Then she realized, "it's not the same place, is it? " ummmm... actually it isn't dear! Good that u realized. So then started the daily counseling, "that's how u learn" ."that's how u move ahead. " even tried the luring trick, "oh I thought u really wanted to go to disney cruise. It's essential to know swimming for it." The first thing that came was,"what's a cruise? " So it was explained and the extra specials of all disney characters were added. And guess what it worked for a day, after which she said I don't want to go to disney at all. Uh oh! So an ultimatum was given just swim from one end to the other and we will stop the lessons. You think it worked.  Of course not! Every morning, we leave the house whining. Twice, we even came back crying.


As for sugar, for the first week, she just re-iterated whatever her big sister said, though she seemed to enjoy it. Sugar was a little troubled by the chlorine water stinging in her eyes; she used to come back with watery, itchy, and red eyes each day. But that was fixed by swim goggles, and a talk with the teachers, who were not allowing the goggles at the beginners level. On the very first day of the second week, she threw up as soon as I had left her with her instructor. A friend of mine started helping her clean up while another fetched me(I usually go out of sight for a few minutes to avoid an outbreak). As soon as I reached the scene, the staff started yelling at me that I should have brought her on an empty stomach. Which was kinda true as what she had thrown up was pretty much solid, unchewed food. My little sugar actually just gulps all her food. Yeah still! So, my guess is something must have been stuck in her throat that would have made her uncomfortable and the crying would have brought it all out- on the poor instructor albeit!  Anyways the staff was rather rude and wad screaming unnecessarily in frint of the poor kid, going to an extent that this has happened again. Now wait a minute, that wasn't true and I told her that and it just changed the scene completely. Immediately, her tone softened,  her voice lowered and she offered to clean up if I just took my daughter to wash up in the shower room. So, off we went, amongst the sympathetic looks of the moms in the pavilions. Once cleaned up, sugar wanted to go back to the pool and the same staff member offerrd to take her ( parents are not allowed there). She asked me if she wasn't really sick as if I would hv pushed my teeny girl in the pool if she were. All said and done, she was just doing her job but with 942 kids being coached there every single day, they must be well equipped and trained to handle such situations; then why such a hulla-balloo? 


Even with all the associated drama each day, It's finally the last day of the first two-week session of the swim lessons. And I am proud to say that both the girls are floating on their back independently. Chinipie was doing well until her instructor told her that they would all go to the deep end. That's when the fear seeped in. Chini's skill level is at par with her age but it's jumping into the water that she fears the most, especially at the deep end.  Sugar still doesn't know what deep means, so she just classifies it as the dark blue water. 

For karate, sugar is content watching her big sister for now, who had resisted initially, her reasoning being, I am not allowed to do and say what and when I want. Later she started enjoying, even looking forward, only because her friend joined in. Good for all of us, coz this is the only thing I had decided for my kids, long before they were born. Yes, they have to, have to, have to master at least one form of martial arts. Rest anything, they are free to choose! Call me a cruel mom if you want to!

LL mania continues

Through the spring And comes to an end in the most fabulous way. Yep! This is the very cool trophy chinipie got this year. And what a wonderful season this was! Where, she knew nothing about the game At the beginning of the season, she was completely enthusastic by the season's end. Where she missed hitting the tee at the start, she was hitting the pitched balls towards the end. Where she was complaining initially, tht the boys in her team are fast and that's why she can't get the ball, she was content catching a few balls, giving them a fight. Well, I wish! I can't ever imagine my gentle chini giving anybody a fight(except me, of course!). She, instead, shows her magnanimous heart, when in one such rare hassle for the ball, she accidently gets pushed and hit and when apologized to says, amidst her sobs, "I forgive you". Yes that's my chinipie! A gentle, kind-hearted, forgiving girl! I wish I could learn that from her - forgiveness.


Well, not everything sailed smooth. She did get upset when the ball would just roll by her or when she would miss the catches. And no matter, how much I tried to calm her, she wouldn't be happy with herself. Poor mom tried passing some of her own wisdom, " it's not important whether you get them each time, more important is that you have fun playing the game", to no avail.

And then momma shared her goofiness when she totally misread the schedule and took her for a game a day ahead. Luckily, it turned out that one of the playing teams were chinipie's friend W's and his dad was the coach, who let Her play as a ringer. Not omly did it make chinipie's day but saved the momma from a meltdown later. It turned Out that the two friends were extremely delighted to be in eah other's company and were so busy sharing their feelings that they didn't even notice the ball rolling away in between them. And, very aptly, they were nicknamed 'romeo-juliet'. It just happenned that the very next game were their teams aginst each other but that didn't deter their happiness of seeing each other on the field again. And every single time, they were at the same base, they were seen chatting away happily together. ;)

And then, occasionally( actually only once or twice), she threw tantrums at the field, declaring that she didn't want to play at all. That's when her coach would step in and talk her through it. And that's what she loved most about the game- talking to her coach, who was such a positive encouragement to her. She would always have stories to tell him and sometimes, would talk about him.

"Momma, you know, my coach is getting old."
No dear. He isn't.
"He really is. I heard him saying that on the field the other day."
I am sure, he was using that just as an expression.
" No he wasn't. He really sad so"
Ok. Now who would refute that?!

Well, let's nOt forget sugarbun at all, who was amazing throught the series, cheering for her sister, assisting her with her glove n cap, giving her water, and most of all being so nice and co-operative with momma throughout the game. Even, little sugar loved talked to the coach. Once, she surprised all of us by walking up to him after the game, chirping excitedly, "my dad says I can't go to the t-ball game in my underpaants!!!" Before, I could even absorb what I just heard, to my relief, coach, who I guess knew better how to handle such situations, said,"You never know what's coming, isn't it?"

Little League

That's right! Chinipie had her first official game today! Can't believe my little girl is already playing league games now! The day started with the team coach handing everybody out the team-shirts and hats (light blue color), followed by a parade with all the kids holding the team flag(had each team-members name written on it, pretty cool, isn't it?) and then the individual and the team photo-sessions. Chini was all excited for it as she had liked her team when we had gone for one practice session on the 9th. Additionally, when lined up for the parade, her best friend W. from school was spotted in the other team(his dad n coach had come to say hi to her). She is since hoping to play against him very often. The parade was a short one and she did good sitting with her team later and chatting with her coach, who patiently answered all her questions. Unfortunately, just before the photo session, she was hit by the ball on her pretty little nose and the poor thing had a forced smile in all the pictures. Still, her spirits were high and was ready to play the game two hours later.

For benefit of those, who are trying to make guesses what I am talking about, little league is non-profit Organization holding Local baseball games for the youth, starting with tee-ball for the littlest ones(5yrs old). It's a great way of imbibing team spirit and introducing the sports to young kids. Frankly, even I do not have much knowledge either about the sport or the game and am hoping to learn along with chinipie. It had all started with, we being stuck in the house for so long as I had cancelled their gymnastics classes post-acc. Chini had been really good and understanding all this While but recently started complaining about not going anywhere and on searching online, I came accross this and wasn't even sure, if she could be enrolled(as she is not even five yet). Still, I took a shot at it and exchanged a few e-mails with the league members and when they said, she could, I just went ahead and registered her even if that meant that I had pay the late fees and that I had the onfirmation email just a couple hours before the second(and the last) practice session.

Oh! In case I forget, there was a bake sale on the grounds, for which momma had baked banana and chocolate mini-cupcakes the evening before, but in all the rush to reach the field on time, had forgotten to take them along. Yeah! That's me! Ever so forgetful and always struggling to reach everywhere on time; at the same time, trying to fit in a lot of things in between!

Like between the morning session and the afternoon game was a birthday party. So, we were rushing, stopping and then rushing again. And all points go to chinipie for still performing so good at the game! Of course, her fren W. was there to cheer for her. And credit goes to sugar, too, for co-operating with us with all the running around. So the first game was over and done with!


Post game, we went to TSA to get her a new helmet, bat, glove, and all new baseball gear! And she's all set to swing her bat in the next game!! May be, catch a ball or two, too!!!