Scenario 1 - Sugar and Chini are enrolled for the swim lessons. While Chini is enthusiastic about it, sugar has been quiet. She becomes clingy as soon as we enter the swim zone and just before the very first lesson throws up. Thankfully, she hadn't entered the pool so it's just outside. Nevertheless, I could tell that she is scared as she was not even letting me take her to the shower room to clean up for the fear of me leaving her again. There was no point of pushing her for the lesson again so after changing, I took her back to the swim area and instead of sitting on the pavilion, We went straight to the lessons area and let her see how each kid , including her oder sister was enjoying. All the while, mom's mind was apprehensive whether she's being pushy and the child is not ready yet. On giving it much thought and talking with other moms and grandmas and teachers, the mom realized that she actually and done the best thing by taking Sugar back to actually watch the other kids. So mom decided to give it one more try with no snacks 2 hours strictly prior to the swim time. And Voila! It worked. Not only does sugar now enjoy the swim lessons but actually looks forward to them.
Inference: sometimes, just a little tweaking and talking, of course, turns out a huge positive encouragement and puts a mom's mind to rest.
Scenario 2 - Sugar and Chini are, finally, signed up for ice-skating lessons. They have been pleading for ages to join these classes. They are all decked up and super-excited. By the end of the first lessons, they have fallen so many number of times, that their spirits ate dampened. Mom talked to them how they had learnt walking as a baby and similar stories to encourage them. Towards the second week, Sugar has all forgotten about the first episode and is as enthusiastic as the last time but Chini develops this fear of hurting her nose or face(though she hd fallen last week on her bottoms every time). She actually had surprisingly one very well, inspite of the fact that those were her very first lessons on the ice. She had actually marched to retrieve the marker successfully thrown about two feet away from her starting point, without even falling once! Still, for some reason, she was afraid the second week and had declared just before the lessons that the only thing she was good at was standing still on the ice and guess what? To momma's horror, that's exactly what she did for full 35 minutes! No amount of cajoling, pampering(the coach carried her in his arms while he skated throughout the rink, in hopes that she would warm up!), taking, encouraging deter her! Horror of horrors, momma had never thought that her Chini would mean and act those words( of staying still) quite literally. The coach finally brought her out for some rest and some one on one time with the mom and said be would be back for her in the after ten minutes. On being asked, she said she had changed her mind and didn't want to learn ice-skating anymore. So, mom should cancel the lessons. Too bad, mom could actually visualize her two hundred dollars flushing down the drain. Nah! Just kidding. Mom tried to work her brains quickly and started thinking of all the peppy things, she could. But No! This time nothing was bound to work. Finally mom said, that as this course was already signed up for, it couldn't be cancelled and at the end, if Chini still didn't like it, she will not sign her up for the next session. But until then, she will have to give it a fair try and follow the coach's instructions. But NO. Mom's little adamant daughter didn't want to give anything to it. Not a try. Nothing. Finally, mom had no choice but to pull the last thread.
No try would mean some consequence.
Give me any consequence, I don't care.
Okay. So are you ready?
Yes!
No try would mean no electronics, no TV, no iPad for entire one week till the next lesson.
That's not fair!
Well, it is what it is. You chose it.
And lo and behold, she walked hand in hand with the coach as soon as he came for her, with a smile. And this time, she did march! Those baby marching steps, without falling, with a smile on her face all the time!
Inference: when you know your child can do it and has done it before, being a little hard on them, is definitely, not pushing.
And as soon as she was done, she came out and asked,
So do I get the iPad now.
The mom would have said yes but then it struck her, that her smart Chini might use it as 'only one trial is enough' and the message would be lost. So she decided to stick with the consequence, and said the next week when she tries and tries through the entire class, then she would get it back.
As soon as, we reached home, her smarty pants daughter said, 'I won't watch any episode or play games on the ipad. But I really need to order a book from the library. So, can I have e ipad for that purpose, at least?'
NO!
But Why?
BecAuse no ipad means NO iPAD!
Okay.
Before you think her reason was just, let me tell you what exactly would have happened had I said yes. She wud hv started with the library thing. Coincidently, at that very time sugar would have wandered close-by. Would have snatched iPad from the older sis and despite all her warnings and protests, would have put on some episode. Which both would have been happily watched.
Been that route already. Have burnt my fingers, many a times. You see. ;)
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