Pushing vs. Encouraging - identifying the fine line

Scenario 1 - Sugar and Chini are enrolled for the swim lessons. While Chini is enthusiastic about it, sugar has been quiet. She becomes clingy as soon as we enter the swim zone and just before the very first lesson throws up. Thankfully, she hadn't entered the pool so it's just outside. Nevertheless, I could tell that she is scared as she was not even letting me take her to the shower room to clean up for the fear of me leaving her again. There was no point of pushing her for the lesson again so after changing, I took her back to the swim area and instead of sitting on the pavilion, We went straight to the lessons area and let her see how each kid , including her oder sister was enjoying. All the while, mom's mind was apprehensive whether she's being pushy and the child is not ready yet. On giving it much thought and talking with other moms and grandmas and teachers, the mom realized that she actually and done the best thing by taking Sugar back to actually watch the other kids. So mom decided to give it one more try with no snacks 2 hours strictly prior to the swim time. And Voila! It worked. Not only does sugar now enjoy the swim lessons but actually looks forward to them.

Inference: sometimes, just a little tweaking and talking, of course, turns out a huge positive encouragement and puts a mom's mind to rest.


Scenario 2 -  Sugar and Chini are, finally, signed up for ice-skating lessons. They have been pleading for ages to join these classes. They are all decked up and super-excited. By the end of the first lessons, they have fallen so many number of times, that their spirits ate dampened. Mom talked to them how they had learnt walking as a baby and similar stories to encourage them. Towards the second week, Sugar has all forgotten about the first episode and is as enthusiastic as the last time but Chini develops this fear of hurting her nose or face(though she hd fallen last week on her bottoms every time). She actually had surprisingly one very well, inspite of the fact that those were her very first lessons on the ice. She had actually marched to retrieve the marker successfully thrown about two feet away from her starting point, without even falling once! Still, for some reason, she was afraid the second week and had declared just before the lessons that the only thing she was good at was standing still on the ice and guess what? To momma's horror, that's exactly what she did for full 35 minutes! No amount of cajoling, pampering(the coach carried her in his arms while he skated throughout the rink, in hopes that she would warm up!), taking, encouraging deter her! Horror of horrors, momma had never thought that her Chini would mean and act those words( of staying still) quite literally. The coach finally brought her out for some rest and some one on one time with the mom and said be would be back for her in the after ten minutes. On being asked, she said she had changed her mind and didn't want to learn ice-skating anymore. So, mom should cancel the lessons. Too bad, mom could actually visualize her two hundred dollars flushing down the drain. Nah! Just kidding. Mom tried to work her brains quickly and started thinking of all the peppy things, she could. But No! This time nothing was bound to work. Finally mom said, that as this course was already signed up for, it couldn't be cancelled and at the end, if Chini still didn't like it, she will not sign her up for the next session. But until then, she will have to give it a fair try and follow the coach's instructions. But NO. Mom's little adamant daughter didn't want to give anything to it. Not a try. Nothing. Finally, mom had no choice but to pull the last thread.
No try would mean some consequence. 
Give me any consequence, I don't care.
 Okay. So are you ready? 
Yes! 
No try would mean no electronics, no TV, no iPad for entire one week till the next lesson. 
That's not fair! 
Well, it is what it is. You chose it.

And lo and behold, she walked hand in hand with the coach as soon as he came for her, with a smile. And this time, she did march! Those baby marching steps, without falling, with a smile on her face all the time!


Inference: when you know your child can do it and has done it before, being a little hard on them, is definitely, not pushing.

And as soon as she was done, she came out and asked,

So do I get the iPad now.

The mom would have said yes but then it struck her, that her smart Chini might use it as 'only one trial is enough' and the message would be lost. So she decided to stick with the consequence, and said the next week when she tries and tries through the entire class, then she would get it back.

As soon as, we reached home, her smarty pants daughter said, 'I won't watch any episode or play games on the ipad. But I really need to order a book from the library. So, can I have e ipad for that purpose, at least?' 

NO! 
But Why?
BecAuse no ipad means NO iPAD!
Okay.

Before you think her reason was just, let me tell you what exactly would have happened had I said yes. She wud hv started with the library thing. Coincidently, at that very time sugar would have  wandered close-by. Would have snatched iPad from the older sis and despite all her warnings and protests, would have put on some episode. Which both would have been happily watched.

Been that route already. Have burnt my fingers, many a times. You see. ;)

How do you grow?

Another one from October:

For school, Chinipie had picked out a dress for herself, which she had outgrown. I avoid removing such dresses from her closet, cause sugar will grow into them and my past experience has been that if I take those dresses away, I completely forget about them until sugar has outgrown them too. And they are, usually in a good condition to be worn as a hand-me-down. Now, on this particular day, Chinipie had picked one of her favorites from late spring/early summer. When I told her that the dress is too little for her, she obviously didn't agree and wanted to wear it. Knowing her very well, I asked her to try it on and see for herself, if she would be comfortable in it. (I use this strategy quite often. good way for them to experiment n learn). After struggling to get into it, she gave up and rather sadly, remarked, "I used to wear it when I had turned 5. I am still 5 and that dress doesn't fit me Anymore." 

"Coz, beta, you are growing."

"Why?"

"Coz we grow each day." 

Why?

"Coz that's how it is.  Every day either we grow or our hair or our nails..."

Picking on it, she started adding, "even our hands, our feet, our fingers."

"Yep. You got it. Now let's get ready for school.  Mommy picked out a dress for you that still fits you."

"Why? Why does is still fit me? I am not tall enough not to fit in that dress yet?"

Yes.

"One day, I will grow up and even this dress will be small for me?"

"Yes."

Getting all teary-eyed, she says, " But I do not want to grow. When I grow, I will have to go away from you. I will not get anymore huggies and kissies from you. I do not want to miss them!"

"Awww my baby. You do not have to grow up that soon. There's a long time to that. Besides, I will always give you hugs n kisses. You will never outgrow them, for sure! "

Seemingly pacified, she started getting dressed, when she again asked, " momma, do all of us grow each day?"

"Yes beta."

"Even the grown ups?"

"Even papa."

"Even you"

"Yes beta."

" So you grow tall like me each day too?"

"No beta. I don't"

"But the other day, I heard you telling papa that one dress didn't fit you anymore.. That it was too little for you..."

Momma, scratching her head, trying to remember, when she wud have assumed herself growing so tall that her dress wudn't fit.....

"Oh! I know. When you are a grown-up, you don't grow tall anymore. Isn't it?"

"Yes beta."

Decidedly, she adds, "you don't grow tall anymore. You grow fat."

??!!!!??

Dad goes to California

on work, for one entire week, much to mom's chagrin. How could he do this to her? He knew that she loves her beauty sleep and craves for it the entire day. Then why did he have to be so cruel?? You see, ever since sugar had turned one, and, the dad, had decided that he is done clinging to the very edge of the mattress, holding on the the last inch of the bed-sheet, for his dear life(and bones), much to mom's protest, had moved the kids' little beds to their rooms. Now, this room, previously, was pretty much used only as a parents' interior decoration skills display room as much as the other 2 bedrooms  in the entire history of a year and a half of buying that 4- bedroom house. The mom, mortified, at the very thought of walking each night to the adjacent room to soothe or nurse or calm her babies on their each cry , which then was every 1 hour or so, had moved their little beds next to her bed. So, all she had to do was reach upto them and pat them back in their cozy little beds. Now, when and how, in the entire course of the night, they would climb up to the huge and high bed of ours, still remains a mystery. The bottom-line is, each morning, on that California-king-sized bed, the dad was inevitably found sleeping, balancing delicately on his left torso, while the kids rotated, turned and well, dozed royally. Amongst all the protests, the hard-hearted, sleep-deprived dad, had then decided to put the other rooms in the house to some huge. Mom, had made a huge deal about this, and had him promise that he would calm them, each night, for every single cry. Whether or not he intended to originally, but the sly mom made sure that the dad sticks to his word. And rest, as they say, is history. Since that fateful morning, dad is, many-a-times, even found sleeping on the floor in the kids' room to make sure that they sleep on their bed, in their room. Well, those days, are long over (hopefully). However, with every cry they utter, with every drop of water they ask for, in those hours of mom geting her zzz's, the dad tends to them.

So, how could she have survived 5 nights with him travelling to the west????
Chinipie had the solution. She came up to the mom and said, remember mom, when he was away for only one night, in the past? How you had slept on the floor in our room? You could do that. I will even clean my toys from there for you.

The world of mommyhood

is not all rosy as it seems..

I wonder when my kids grew up so much right under my nose. It's hard to imagine that when you look at them and see how they depend on you and trust you for everything from what you feed them to where you take them to where you leave them or do not leave them. How a mom is responsible for everything, for their complete mind, body and spirit development right from the beginning. I wonder if I will ever be able to inculcate the responsibility, independence, respect for time and self-love in them as much as I want. For, I believe, The rest of the virtues will follow these three basic ones all by themselves.

Now, before you start wondering if I have lost my mind and am making no sense above, let me tell  you how my morning was. My darling daughters were done with their morning chores while I was busy making breakfast and packing chinipie's lunch. As the sugarbun was going upstairs with all the cheery sunshine, the older one came upto the little one, with her breakfast in one hand and says,"Good Luck with  your nahai-nahai(bath)". Now, this little sugar bundle of mine, for some reason, averts getting into the bath tub as much as she can and then later, gives me a tough time coming out of it as well! As expected, all hell broke loose and I had to carry a wiggling, wailing, kicking sugar upstairs and from taking her nightdress off to putting on that last piece of shoe on her, everything was a huge fight. Believe me, you don't even want to know what happened in between. Only later, when she had her jacket and hat on, did she flash me a smile. Don't blame me,if I was in no mood for smiles after those 15 minutes of the heart-wrenching cries. If you are thinking, that I am lucky to have atleast chinipie, who did everything by herself and was out of the door on time, you have not counted the number of times I had to ask her to stop playing and get dressed up. Oh, and not to forget, in the middle of getting ready, she suddenly decided that she has to re-decorate her room and starting pulling the wall stickers off... why?????? Imagine my shock, when I come to their bedroom with a towel-wrapped, wailing sugarbun, I find chini, on top of her bed, with nothing on but her underpants, pulling off one of the stickers! When I asked what she was doing, she coolly replies, " I have to put it there. It's not looking good here"!!!!! Couldn't I see that already??? I guess  I should have re-phrased and asked her what she was supposed to do and what she was doing instead.



Well, mommies of two or one like me, I know you are not being completely honest, when you say that your kids never put you in situations like this. For, we all know, that's not the truth. None of us have done such good deeds in past to deserve heavenly kids. So, please don't even attempt to.
All you new moms and the mom-to-be's, heartiest congratulations to you. I know I haven't been in touch with you guys for a while, but I am happy for you. After all, why should I be the only one suffering?? ;))
Just kidding. I would, just say, enjoy your sanity and relish the baby-moon phase as long as it lasts..
And yeah, for the term 'baby-moon' - whatever the wiktionary says, according to me.. it only has one meaning - the initial phase of the baby when you feel that mommy-ing is heavenly. Clearly, I am out of it and with a wicked heart, can't wait for you guys, too.

Let's get busy

As we grow, we continue to experiment with our vocabulary, sometimes, to the point of sending momma rolling off to the floor.

The allergies and moustaches

Like sugar who mysteriously grows a moustache anywhere. I got a moustache on my arm. The next day it woud be on her tummy. On asking what is a mustache, she avidly changes the topic.

Recently, she switched to energies(for allergies). She would often be found complaining I got peanut energy to even the minutest dry skin rash/ heat rash  on her and sometimes on momma, too.


Sesame Outing

Ever since chinipie's birthday outing at the sesame place, we have fallen in love with the place and as the summer heat rises up, sugarbun is ready to put on her babing suit and go on to enjoy the rides there. Her favourite one is the roller poster.


The Silence

Is usually threatening as it's guaranteed to mean that they are upto something, which would result in more task for the poor momma. During these times,
Barbies gets a hair cut la-snip-its-style. With hair locks being fed into the toy-machine(the picnic bench with a hole in it) and a toy being thrown out as a reward.

Dental Floss is pulled out to the last string and is used either to decorate the whole house from top to bottom or as a collar and chain for the plush puppies or just to tie up anything and everything. On being questioned, comes the smart reply, "I didn't do it. The other one did it. I just found it and used it". Where else would you see the mantra of  'Reduce, Reuse and Recycle' more aptly followed?


Toilet rolls are used to make waterfalls and the lakes beneath. If momma objects, we try to roll it back. If she doesn't, we remind her to say, "Do not make the waterfall." Really? So all this is done just to get her attention/reaction??

If that's so true, then what about that one time when the entire brand new roll was flushed in the toilet, resulting in an overflow of the past three days of , uhm let's just say, oranic manure.? Was that to get momma busy or to contribute to the environment?

Belly bean, sunscreen and TV screen!!

Today, was one of those days, which tested me in every sense and challenged me- especially with my neck n shoulder pain. Not to say, by te mid evening, the back also has, ompletely, gone for a toss. Sigh! As if mommyhood by itself was easy, that I had to experience it through this pain.

The day started with my usual perky chinipie waking up, clutching her tummy, complaining of a 'broken bone' in her tummy. Their cuteness multiplied with their innocent faces just make me sail through these times easily. So, momma checked for the broken bones and declared that she was fine enough to brush her teeth and go downstairs for her breakfast. Each chore was done with much grumble and she declared that she cannot go to school tody as she definitely was sick. finally after many-a-futile trips to the bathroom, a huge throw up on the recently-polished-living-room-couch and carpet, lightened her up. And after shedding tears for 'ultee-ing' on the much prohibited areas of the house and being duly consoled by a calm ( even, I surprised myself) momma, she chirpily went to her room, only to return, perkier than ever, dressed in a fancy tutu( which momma saves usually or the parties). Momma's shoulders had already started throbbing with pain after scrubbing the mis-routed meals of her darling child, so she just smiled n requested her to put something similar on the little sister, afraid that she might throw a fit otherwise. A few minutes later, she heard a couple of shouts(read pleas) for help n rushed upstairs to dress up a super-wiggly sugarbun.

Momma's attempt to keep them outside to get the most of the weather went vain as they kept coming back, asking her to join them. Given the pain and the amount of work (which meant cooking) that she had to, she just couldn't. So, they would play inside and after making a complete mess of their room, they came to the playroom where they spilled crayons all over and then proceeded to momma's room. Luckily, the sun was shining bright by then, and momma lured them on the deck - feeding them their lunches there(which ws khichdi n was declared the yummiest lunch ever!). Everything done fr the day, momma decided to let her tired bones absorb a little vitD and she relaxed under the smiling sun- well at least she tried to.

A distint 'arghh' 'yuck' from the washroom along with the sound of running water, disrupted chinipie's story. Yep! Tht's how a mom gets to relax- listening to non-stop chatter, that is(but who's complaining :)). So the elder one returned with the news tht sugar has cream all over her hand and shez trying to wash it off. Now, sugarbun's half day is spent wither washing her hands n feet or brushing her teeth or applying cream on herself, so momma just ignored that it will just mean the usual extra task of wiping off all the water, soap n cream off the powder room's floor n counter. Okay. Maybe, changing sugar's wet dress, too. As if taken aback by momma's non-reaction, chinipie asserted - it's the sunscreen. WHATTT!!?? THEE NEEWW ONE!! Yes, momma. HOW did she ever get it??? And, mumbling things like," you guys make things o ough for me!" and he usual, momma rushed to see sugar's face, hands, dress, bathroom counter n sink all smudged in sunscreen, while the poir thing was trying really very hard to get it off! And the more she tried, the more it got smudged!! And seeing her in plight, I just grabbed the kitchen towels (tht she had unrolled and spread all over the house earlier) and started wiping her off. Finally, getting rid of all the smudge, poor sugar relaxed and that's when I just started laughing uncontrollably and the girls, joined in too.
Sugar, why r u so naughty?
I m nt naughty!!
Then who is?
Momma is!

Ht's when chinipie led me to the couch, where the whole tube of sunscreen was squeezed out. The exact same spot where chini hd puked earlier, during the day! And thus started scrubbing -round 2!

With so much UV protection on them, the girls definitely needed a bath n then came the newer struggles for momma. Invariably, for past couple of months, they give me a tough time first getting them in the bath tub, then the whole process in there in itself, and later coming out. All in all, the toughest part of the evening was over. Once in their pjamas, they had calmed down and put in front of the 'television' while momma took a quick shower n warmed up the dinner fr them. Once dinner was done and over with, chinipie declared tat she felt much better. My tummy likes to watch tee vee. It wasn't hurting while I was watching it!

So, that and not pedialyte or momma's khichdi n lauki is the remedy for the tummy ache!!

Mom's guilt

So I was told to take it easy for a while. That meant no cooking for a while. Well, I did follow it - for a while that is. Until today. It so happened that we had the veg curry and a side dish, *(courtesy a friend and DH) but, a very important part of our diet was missing - dahi(yogurt). And another ingredient missing from our dinner plate was roti(bread). We came to know of an aunty who provides home-made rotis to the destitute like us. The dad was told in the morning to get them while coming back from work. Also, he was requested and reminded, at least, a hundred times to come home earlier than usual (not his normal 10 o'clocks). So, the dad cancelled his 6:30 meeting to pick up the rotis and dahi for his darling daughters. As luck would have it, he could reach home not before 8:00.

Of all days when momma rushes after them with the food, the girls chose this day to dutifully sit at the dining table at 6:45 sharp! It broke momma's heart to see her girls hungry- waiting for the dinner to be served. When she didn't have the plate ready. Mentally she calculated the time it would take to make the dough and roll out two breads for her jigar ka tukdas, but then, she remembered the last time when it had sent her head rolling and she toughened herself to save her emotions for later when she gets completely well. And that would happen only if she gave her a chance to recover. And then, it would be a few minutes when dad would be home! So she distracted the kids with their favorite episodes. Meanwhile, the veggies were heated up, the salad was cut, and the water bottles were filled. At 7:15, she checked on the kids again. Looking at their momma, they rushed back to the dining table, seating themselves. While momma wondered at her little marvels, who chose this very day to show such obedience, she wished within, for them to return to their normal bratty self - when she had to scream, at the top of her lungs, to have them seated - unmoving, so that she could shove the meals inside them. Not today, though. "Momma, what did you make? what did u make? And the guilt-struck momma, right then, there would have melted in water, if she wouldn't have seen those two faces - waiting for their dinner. So, she started feeding her little bird-lings - the salad, the veggie and the curry. And hungry as they were, they could have eaten a horse right then! Half-way through, the dad made his royal entry and the chicklings spared the horse and nibbled on the tiny bits of, probably, the yummiest roti they had.

Monday morning blues

Found this in unpublished archives from last year. Must have been written in fall sometime during the beginning of the school year. Don't remember what had happened that monday morning but the night before was totally cute. Read on. Totally an awww moment, isn't it?

Monday morning blues
They start on Sunday evening in our home with the kids being overtired by seven o'clock and momma, frantically, trying to put the dinner together on table lest the kids go to bed hungry. With two howling kids on her side, a simple task of setting up the dinner plate becomes daunting. The dad takes over feeding the dinner part after which they are serenely quiet. Changed to their night dresses and tucked in their beds, they look like they would start their zzzs as soon as she turns off the light. And content that she can now fill her own hungry belly with some food, she comes downstairs kissing both the girls good night. One-half chapati later, mom-dad hear some voices from upstairs. "that cannot be! They were so tired!" Convinced that their ears must be ringing, they turn back to munching their dinner. Mom's instinct tells her that she cannot be wrong, she decides to go check on them, only to find them having a nice conversation making up some silly jokes of their own. For a while, she stands outside their bedroom door, soaking herself in that cute moment before she gets in and asks them what's going on. Because, her tone was light, and their spirits high, they reply with a laughter and few minutes and another session of tucking, kissing goodnights and patting them to sleep later, momma tiptoes out of the room.

The holidays

We are here and all in good health (lemme do a touchwood real quick unless those much-scared infections make a comeback in my family)? Though, chinipie kept insisting the entire last half of december, much to mom's and dad's anxiety, I am sick. I am very very sick.. Poor parents couldn't figure out why their lovely dughter would feel so and tried, in vague, to erase any such thoughts from her mind. Only when chinipie declared, one fine morning, I am bored of being sick. I miss my school., that it dawned to them that the whole concept f uch a long holiday is new to her. The only time she skipped her schjol was when she was not well and mommy kept her home. Naturally, she put two and two together and concluded that she is sick. Amazing, how their mind works in such a simple fashion!

So the school was off for entire two (holiday) weeks in december which when mommy counted actually came out to be ei-gh-t-een days!  18 dark, cold and wintry days, stuck in the house with two very active kids and with the dad absconding (read slogging@office ) for unreasonably looongg hours!  Mommy declared that unless the dad had some good plans, she is off to her Mom's place. The threat never even came close to being executed as when mom checked the flights, the prices (even after excluding the dad) were high enough for her to abandon any plans to travel for next two years at least!  Nevertheless, the dad, seeing the plight of his highly motrified wife, took a week off(he hadn't taken a single day off the entire year!). Mommy, very generously, ignored the fact that half the time he was still working from home, and did make two rushes to the office for some urgent meetings. Also, she pardoned the messy state of the home - owing to another fact that the two different set of guests, who were to visit us during the holidays, cancelled their plans. As mommy had been busy preparing the meals (as her plan ahead initiative) so that they could spend most of the time showing the guests around the city instead of the kitchen, the entire house had been turned topsy-turvy.
Hassled, momma asked chinipie, doesn't all this mess bother you?
Contemplating, for a while, which answer would please her mom, she decided to stick to her own self and said,no
Momma, then turned to sugar, her little one, who just turned her back and continued with her precious contribution in giving the house a look of a dumpyard.
With lots of expectations, she then, looked upon the dad and even hoped that he would volunteer to help her cleaning up; instead got an advice to ignore. So, mom made it her mantra, and as much as it bothered her, didn't even move a finger to clean. She, even, took it a step further and started dumping things, secretly hoping, that eventually she might get a Helping hand. Turned out that she had been entirely singled out here and shez the only one, in the family, who gets irritated by the uncleanliness. She had to give up after a few days of fretting and fuming!

The holidays were well spent, despite of such minor episodes, which have acquired a tendency to occur at a more frequent rate than expected in our household. We spent an entire day at a nearby amusement park, enjoying the fun rides (an unusual experience at this time of the year where we are) and signing the day off with a special holiday light and sound display. Another day was spent at the children's museum, yet another watching the disney princess stories on ice(after which both the girls put on their fluffy shoes and skate, twirl and whirl on the kitchen floor pretending the hardwood floor to be ice). We also revamped the kids room with their favourite princesses and fairies wall decor.

Santa had left some exciting gifts which included the nail paint(of course princess ones!). Mom was treated with an exclusive spa treatment with a perfectly finished manicure and pedicure. Thanks Santa! But as he came on christmas eve vs the actual christmas evening, it was declared that the missing gifts(From the list) will be delivered tonight. Uh oh! Mommy took all the efforts to convince that he comes only once and did indeed come on the correct day and time! And yes! That morning, first thing chinipie did was- came running downstairs to check if indeed he had come and on finding the gifts, she had come running to me- momma, santa did come! And he left lots Of gifts for me and Sugar. Then, she had one running to the dad and repeted the same excitedly! Again, a dash to her room to wake her sis up and share the exciting news. In case you are wondering why she was surprised, that's coz according to her this wasn't winter and most certainly not the christmas time! Why? Coz - in her words - It isn't snowing at all. How can it be winters? How can it even be christmas? We didn't even get to make a snowman! And the christmas has to be a white one! While mommy wondered at her daughter's logic ( and thanked the stars, silently, for not sending the winters this year), she assured her girl that, most certainly, it would snow and we would get to make a snowman. Only to find her crying, one morning, on her bed - it's not even snowing. How will we celebrate christmas? though, she played alng with her dad and mom, and involved her baby sister too. And, together, they decorated the christmas tree, decorated a gingerbreadhouse and made cookies, and left a bowl of "yummy halwa", a plate of cookies, a cup of hot cocoa for Santa and went outside to sprinkle oats and sarkled sugar for Santa's reindeers. On seeing the cup empty (and, of course, after opening all the gifts), she did, indeed go out to check if the oats were gone. Mommy's heart was pounding very fast, expecting, another loud bawl, but God is indeed, merciful! Voila! The oats were gone! Must have been mom's lucky day! Later, while playing with her newly received toys, and while thinking aloud what should be on next ear's list, chini declared, Christmas is my favourite holiday! And mine too, sugar chimed in.

The gingerbread house - captured before it collapsed!

Food for reindeer(in the packet)

Stay tuned. There's a lot more to tell you all.

Threats and Consequences

It was the dinnertime. As we have our dinner by 6:30 p.m. most of the days, we do not wait for the dad (who anyways is not home before 8:00 p.m.). In order to calm the kids down, I promised to tell them a story during the meal. I made up an instant one and was rather proud of myself (infact, had thought of publishing it here as well), when chini got inspired and decided that she would also tell me a story. Now, this has been going on for quite some time and the kids were encouraged to come up with their creative/narrative talents. For quite a while they were stuck with the "happily ever after syndrome but were fast developing more skills to story-telling. Sugarbun always starts with "Once upon a time" and ended with "the end", in the middle would be anything from dora to mom, to a puppy to anything she can think of at that moment. Chinipie had started giving twists to the traditional tales, sometimes making a potpourri of many stories together and at times coming up with some of her very own, which was amazing.

But the story she made impromptu today, just shook me up. Though, she has been insisting, ever since, "momma, that's just in my story!", I have not been able to fathom her figment of imagination. And somehow feel, much to the dad's amusement, that somehow my actions and doings have led to it.. guilt. Guilt!

Here it goes, exactly as she said it. Let me know what you think of it..

There was a little girl and her baby brother, who lived with their mommy and daddy. Daddy had gone to office. The kids were playing in their play room, when their mommy asked them to clean up in 10 minutes. When mommy came in the room, it was all messy. Toys and books were all on the floor. So she got very angry and went upstairs to her room and banged the door and locked it. When the dad came home, he pushed open the door and asked what happened; to which she replied that the kids are being very mean. The kids, too, entered the room and then the mommy yelled at them. The policemen came and took mommy away and put her in jail. The kids shouted "yippie" and jumped in the bed all night. Then, the dad joined them, cheering "yippie" too!!

To which I asked, was the mommy wrong in asking the kids to clean up their mess? (I always ask them to!In fact, had asked them to clean up before dinner. Their are time-outs or no story or no play time as a consequence)
Do I ever bang the door or lock it? (I never ever bang the door and shutting any door except the front and the back door and of course, the bathroom doors are against the rules of our house. I wonder, if my locking the bathroom door might have triggered that point coz it's sth new for them. Oh! she had closed her room's door on sugar's face, this afternoon, when sugar had started crying, she had immediately realized her folly. I was in another room and didn't intervene.)
Will you be happy if I go away? Sugar replied that they would be sad while each time, chini kept saying it's just a story!


I do try to be strict with them in certain matters, and talk in a firm,stern voice, sometimes, raising my voice, too(which I regret and am trying to improve upon). And there are threats, consequences, time-outs too, which actually turn out to be very traumatic for all of us. Parenting, as I see, is very challenging and an ever-learning process in which I find myself growing with the kids. But, never, had I thought that I am bad at it. Probably, I am thinking too much. Probably, being closer to 5, chini is at a stage where she is constantly inquiring and experimenting with lots of idea around her/in her mind.

For instance, this was the conversation yesterday:
Momma, trying to get sugar to do something: (in a stern voice)
I want you to come here, right now!
Chini, sitting close-by, looks up from her book,
what will you do?
Let her come here first.
no but, what will you do if she doesn't come?
I will get upset.
Then? Then, what will you do?
I will be very upset.
If you get upset, what will you do? Will you hit her?
NO!! We don't raise our hands when we get upset. That's not the right thing. Have I ever hit you?
AFter some thinking,Yes! this morning, when I was getting ready.
Honey! that was an accident! I was trying to reach ur shoes when that happened and I did say sorry to you! (Actually, my hand had accidentally brushed against her)
Yeah you did! but tell me, what will you do to sugar now? Will you put her out in the rain? Will you throw her in the garbage truck? What will you do?
[Okay, now this needs some explanation. On Monday, after bringing chini back from school, sugar had started throwing tantrums and had not wanted to enter the house. "Home is boring", she had said. It was raining and Monday, being the trash pick-up day, after much cajoling, I had said that she can stay outside in the rain, if she wants. Sugar, in fact, was very happy. To which, chini had got much agitated, "No! Don't do that to my sister! the garbage truck will come and pick sugar up and throw her in fire .. like Andy's toys in toy story 3!!" Sugar was excited with the idea of hitching a ride in the garbage truck and the fire truck. Only her sister's protests and convincing made her rethink and both the sister's got in the house, holding hands. Garbage truck actually crushes things before taking them to dump in the fire, mommaLater, she had told me. So, never again talk about leaving her outside on a garbage day! As I had marveled over her immense observation and the sister's bond, the matter, for me, was over.]
What will you do, momma. Answer me.
Why do I have to give you both consequences for everything? Why can't you do just as I ask, in the first place?
Because.. Ok. I will help you. I will ask sugar to come.



Now tell me what will I do?? What should I do??

Nighttime routines- then and now

Starting with changing into the night dress, where each of my fasion divas want to wear a nightgown to brushing the teeth to getting to the bed to actually fall asleep, the night time routine in this household is a mix of fun and struggle each night.

Tonight, I had to brush cindrella's and snowwhite's teeth beore Sugarbun let me brush hers. I, somehow have a feeling that I did something of this sort for chini at around the same time. Whether I did or not, am not sure as it has been two years since and I wasn't blogging as frequently then. What I do remember is that last year, we had tough time stopping sugar from brshing her teeth. Any chance she got, she would climb up on the pedestal and somehow manage to get to the brush... No matter how far from her reach I would have kept it. The paste, then applied, and faucet running, she would brighten her one dozen pearly whites at least 5-6 times a day. Night times would be all the more difficult as she would keep pushing chini off the stool. To top it up, she used to be mad at us coz we didn't let her use her sister's toothpaste. (She uses the toddler's toothpaste as she doesn't know yet how to spit but swallows it all.) With chini, then, it was the struggle of independence. Where last year, she was in a "I will do it myself" phase, ths year it has been replaced by "you do it for me". Every night she has some kind of reason for not doing it herself. I very didtinctly remember how she used to light up when after doing my part, I used to hand her the brush for her turn. And also, how we used to quarrel whose turn would it be first. Well, times change and in this case, the place has changed too.

Getting to bed is another story in itself. Where last year, dad used to check and chase away the monsters from under the bed, behind the curtains and from the toy chest, this year, he soothes chini as every night she declares,"I am scared of the dark". I scared of dark, sugar has started too since past two days. This is very new as we have stopped giving her sippy cup (milk) for bed. Until now, she had been using her sippy cup to self-soothe her through the night. Now, they sing and talk to each other, calling out to mom and dad, in between, too.

However upset or tired we are, the constant evolution of those three words from i yuy u to i vuv u to i love you doesn't fail to work their magic on us each night as we turn off the lights and try to sneak out of their room.

Of naps and sleep times and more..

What is it with kids and nap times??? They just refuse to go to the bed even if they have difficulty opening their eyes and then they get overtired and reach an over-anxious stage where they are not able to rest their bodies, even if they want to. And then they give a hard time for almost everything starting from brushing teeth, changing to PJs, listening to story, lying on the bed, covering with blanket and more that one cannot even think of.. I would have loved to say that it stops as soon as they hit the bed but, alas!, it doesn't. especially with chinipie who keeps coming out of her covers on one pretext or the other.. even if she would have been dozing for a while, she would get up in the middle of the night and order her dad to go lie down with her.. poor dad has no choice but to go sleep on the floor next to her bed. Usually he gets back to his bed around 4 or 5 in the morning, only if, she doesn't come back and reprimands him for leaving her alone! Sometimes, she would just sneak up on our bed and sleep next to us. As for sugar, she keeps asking for 'dudu' any time she wakes up or she has tough time sleeping . Mostly, she would keep crying (in her machine gun-like fashion) in her crib and say, "I want dudu.. I want dudu..."

When we discussed this sleeping habit with their pediatrician, they said that it is a normal behavior for most kids this age. It's up to the parents to tell the kids to try and go back to sleep all by themselves and they shouldn't be given milk or any food at the weird hours just like an adult. Nor should they be encouraged to sleep with their parents be it in the kids room or the parents' room. Clearly, their kids are way past this age and that's why they don't seem to remember their own night-time stories..

Well, I wouldn't say this happens every evening or my kids are tough to handle. In fact, they are perfect little angels and there are some nights when they come and say, "I'm tired. I want to sleep." and then, we have those sparse nights when they sleep throughout! Mostly, I have observed that they
1. tend to behave better when they have a set routine almost every day
2. don't watch too much television (more than 45 min) close to nap time
3. had participated in exhaustive exercises
4. either one of them is not too weary (that's when the other one picks up the tantrum, just to join the chorus!)

Let's talk about routine. I feel it's very important for the kids (for that matter, everyone) to have a set routine (occasional deviance are always acceptable). This gives them a feeling of stability and brings a sense of decorum and discipline in them, which would prove to be very fruitful in their later life. I am not saying that we should stereo-typically stick to it to the point of becoming mechanical and lose our flexibility completely. But, their should be a regularity and a proper balance for all their activities( including the indoor and outdoor) during the day, be it at home or anywhere else, leaving some room for fluctuation as well. I have always seen that whenever there's a constant disruption in their routine or they do not know what and when the next activity is going to be, they get a little unruly. For some reason or other, am not able to follow this always.. sometimes, there are extra chores.. or i am not feeling too well.. or some other vague reason.. to which I tell myself, "c'mon you'r just one person! how can you always do everything?" but then is that enough?

The other three reasons viz. the idiot box, exercises, and picking up frm sibling are pretty much self-explanatory. But then here is my questions to all of you moms/dads out there.. are any of your experiences similar? what do you have to suggest for battling these night-fall dooms? do you believe in regularity in child's routine too? how do you/kids manage the deviance?

Please do pour in your views..

A long time..

It's been so long since I have posted on my blog. Every time when I think that I now my Chinipie has a fixed schedule and I can have a fixed routine too and take some time out for the blogs that I so much want to write and the blogs that I love to read, she surprises me and changes her schedule and with each change becomes more demanding. Sometimes, I feel that I should have maintained a baby book instead, keeping a log of every little thing that she does, the idea which I had denied as I had thought that I will be writing a post on her blog everyday. I really should have gone for it as now days go by before I even get a chance to sit peacefully with my laptop. Otherwise it's just a quick login to check for any important mails... Today, after a long time, she is taking her afternoon nap for a longer period in which I could finish all my household chores, bath and then get a chance to login to post. She is such a light sleeper that I really do not want to jinx this blissful moment. I feel very selfish when I say such moments as the blissful ones and find myself longing for or enjoying such times, which are anyways in short supply these days. But the truth cannot be denied. I really long for times, when she sleeps for a longer snap of time leaving me with some time to not only finish the cleaning and the cooking but to leave me with some more time to just be with myself too. Now as I write this, I really feel like a bad mom and have this little pang of guilt of feeling this way. I am not sure if I will get over this guilt especially as she is a wonderful baby and I love to spend time with her and took time off my work only and only for her. But I do feel at times that she should sleep longer and let me be with myself for some time. Any consolations over here? Is it just me or the other moms out there have been through this phase too? If any of you have something to say about this, then please please let me know.

Hmmm.. today the apply of my eye turns 7 months and 7 days old and I have to do post on her past month. But that I will postpone for a while. For now, I am thrilled with this new surprise she had for me today! Before this one takes a back seat in my memory and I never get to blog again, let me jot it down here. I am absolutely absolutely in awe with this new milestone of hers! SHE CAN SIT UP BY HERSELF!! Yep! that's right!!! Two days back, I had put her to sleep in her crib and after about an hour she had let out a cry just as DH and I had sat down for the dinner. We listened for a while, and when her crying didn't stop DH went to pick her up. When he came back with her in his arms, he had told me that she was sitting in the crib and crying. I looked at him with disbelief! How could it be possible? She is with me the whole day and she never did that when she is fresh and active and even tired for that matter. How could she do that in her sleep? And that too when mommy is not watching her? Or is not there to notice it first? Hmmm.. Dad was obviously overstating things. She would have been on her all fours, just as she has been doing for past few days, and he would have been making up the rest of it. Nevertheless, I kept watching her the next day. I even left her for longer time than usual, intentionally not lifting her up when obviously she was tired being on her fours and shedding tears. I kept myself from entering the room she was in hoping to see her on her little bums when I go inside. But no, she didn't get on her hunches. Daddy was obviously making it up. Confirmed. And then I forgot everything about it. And then today, she did it! That too in front of my very own eyes!! I had put her in the crib as I was tidying up the bed. I saw her rolling over to her tummy and then getting on her fours and then she brought one of her legs forward. Simultaneously, she started crying. I thought she was stuck and as I came up to her to pick her up, and had my arms almost around her, when I noticed that she is trying to actually sit! I stopped and watched her. She pulled the other leg half way to the front and put all her weight on her hunches and then lifted her arms up to be picked up!!! I was so happy, I could have jumped hundreds of times. But I picked her up and cuddled her and kissed her face. She clearly did not want all these. I was very very happy with her so decided to give her whatever she wanted. So I nursed her to sleep, snuggled up next to me. In turn, she gave me what I wanted.. A longer nap!!!

mmmmuuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!
I love her sooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!!!!

To be or not to be...

on H1B visa... is the question that has been hovering on my mind constantly for the past few months. I have been very passionate about my work pre-Chinipie days and knew that after the first few months, when the baby needs you the most, I would definitely join back. And then, when my pregnancy was almost to the term, we moved from LA to Cleveland. That meant, I had to be completely relieved from the project I was working on through my employer (those who now how the s/w consultancy firms work would understand this). And then, Chinipie entered my world!
The pre-approved maternity leaves for three months, got extended to one more month and then one more and then I realized that my baby is my passion now. I was not ready to join work when very evidently my baby needs me more. Friends and relatives suggested to hire a babysitter/nanny or look for a home day-care or Indian baby-sitters if I were not okay with leaving her in the expensive and bigger day-cares where the staff is usually very over worked (and underpaid). But, the very thought of just leaving the baby with somebody else was very un-appetizing to me. How can somebody else take care of her needs as I do? They can change her diapers, feed her, play with her at times, put her to sleep, but how can they give the emotional support that only me, her mom can? How can they be the primary care giver? And then, the germs and diseases that she would be exposed to at such a tender age. To this, some of my friends added that their are other babies who go survive all this and adapt themselves, sooner or later, and now-a-days, it is very acceptable. Of course, they meant well and advised what they thought was the best. But, I just could not come to the terms of entrusting her in somebody else's hands for the whole day. One can argue that it's just a matter of few hours. But I see it as the whole day. Chinipie sleeps at around 9 in the night and gets up at 6 in the morning. If I go to work, this would mean that I need to dress her up, dress myself up and the casual mornings that we enjoy together would no longer be the same. Evenings, when I would bring her back while returning from work, would be spent in cooking and preparing for the next day. A little time to play, perhaps. This would mean that she would be home only to sleep!?! when she doesn't even go to the school or the college! Nopes, I just cannot come to the terms of this very idea.

And then the factor that if I join back work, it would be in an entirely new city, a new project/client location, a completely new team with new set of people who might or might not understand my need to leave on-time (s/w professionals are known to work over-hours) or early some days (when she would have to be picked up early) or take offs for that matter (in case she is not well, which I hear is a common for young babies who go to the day care. What justice would I be doing to my work? to myself? to Chinipie? I know, for sure, NONE!
More often than not, there are days when the unwashed dishes lie in the sink, the bed is waiting to be made up, the toilets to be cleaned, house to be vacuumed or at least tidied up, table-mats to be wiped, me yet to take bath, or cook food or eat for that matter. And I am busy feeding her, nursing her, bathing her, cooing her or just playing with her. I wait for her to go to sleep so that I get some time to do the chores or at the least cook something for myself and eat. And on such days, Chinipe just refused to go to sleep. She would take a short nap while nursing and as soon as I try to put her down, she would get up -all fresh and ready to play. All that I manage to do on such days is ZILCH! Neither do I enjoy with her completely, nor am I able to finish any of the tasks. When this happened more than a couple of times, I figured out that everything else can wait but these moments with Chinipie cannot! And I knew that all I want to do for now, is enjoy with her.

And this is when I decided that I do not want to go back to to work until she is independent. My current employers cannot keep me on H1B without being on the payroll (I have been on a leave without pay) for longer. So, they have asked me to get my visa converted to H4, a dependent visa, so that they can have my leaves approved, me being an offshore employee. This is what brought another dilemma. First it was, whether to join back the work and then it is, whether to stay on H1B or not? If I lose my H1B status, I would not be able to go back to work when I wish coz the whole process of getting another work visa is quite a lengthy one. And if I want to stay on H1B, either a find another employer (who would not want to hire someone who is not on payroll and then the H1B harassments is so common. I just do not want to fall in the wrong hands) or if I choose to stay with my current one, I have to join back work and try to take a transfer to this new city, which in itself is a big head-ache and joining back work, is anyways what I have decided not to. So, all in all, this is so much jumbled up. All this thinking has been eating my head and then I decided to vent it out, here, in my space, today.

And as I am writing this, I know which one I am going for. Any guesses?

Yep! it is the H4!! Whatever it takes to keep my Chinipie happy and healthy, I am in for it!! After all, my first priority is my baby, everything else can wait!!

Hospital Blues

We had to stay for over a week in the hospital as my little baby was kept in the special care nursery. It wasn't anything serious; some minor chances of infection - so she had to be kept under observation. It was a little painful to see her go back to the nursery every few hours for her check-up, her tiny arm wrapped in IV tubes and little monitor wires all over her body. Her tender skin got bruised with the security anklets! It was a bit hectic for all of us with naani staying at home - taking care of everybody's food, dad- shuttling between hospital, home and office, mom and baby- at the hospital with nurses coming in exactly when you would think that you would catch some sleep. Really, anyways I had to get up to feed the baby and then the nurses would be pouring in at all times - To announce that they are leaving and someone else would take over the shift, the new nurse to announce that she has arrived, to take the baby for the check-ups, to bring back the baby, to update you and what not! I know they were doing their jobs, but point is - they were over-do-ing it!

Nonetheless I should say, the hospital facilities were good with skilled nurses at partum, post-partum and special care. All in all, the stay was okay except for the hospital studio! Yeah! that was the most shocking experience! One day before the discharge from the hospital, we were asked if we need to get our baby's photographs done. Exhausted with the week-long stay and sleeplessness and eager to go home, unknown to what we were in for, we said, "Yes!". They showed us cute photographs of the babies and we were tempted to get the photos done. When the photographer lady came in, our baby was sleeping and her arms wrapped in IV and we asked how would she take a photograph and she said that she does a poopsie trick. She did the poopsie trick and tricked we were! She had this little xerox machine kind of a thing, which she brought in a trolley, kept our sleeping, tired, wrapped in IV baby on it, clicked a button, and we, like fools, shelled out 120 bucks!! Take it as an advice, and never go for snaps in the hospital "studio". You would cry and ask me how could I do that once you see what kind of snap I have for that money! And I have it in all sizes - wallet, stamp, greeting, portrait!! Even, I ask myself the same question - how could I do it!?!!


Anyways, now that it is over, we are more than glad to be home.

After all, All's well that ends well ...until you receive hospital bills!!!