Today, during one of her frantic crying spurts, chinipie, caught hold of a lock of my hairs as I was trying to soothe her down. Her grip was really strong and it took me a while to open her fists to free my tresses. Believe me, it was indeed difficult with her decked up on my shoulder, completely unmanageable and inconsolable, crying at her loudest volumes right in my ear, clutching my hair firmly in her little hands, refusing to let go either of momma's godi or momma's hair!!
Hmmm..... Time for a new hair-do!?!
Friday, June 29, 2007
Monday, June 25, 2007
Monday, June 18, 2007
Happy Father's Day!!
This was first Father's Day for DH and I had wanted to make it very special for him. Mother's day had gone by unnoticed as we had just returned from the hospital with over-extended stay at the hospital and all of us drained-out with a newborn baby. I did not want the Father's Day to go unnoticed as well and all the while had contemplated various gifts for him.
These are a few from the list that I had thought of and discarded
- a tie with Chini's photos all over but discarded as the time was too short to order the tie.
- a beautiful greeting handmade by me on Chini's behalf - again discarded for two reasons - one i did not have sufficient accessories for the type of greeting i had wanted to make and second i thought that may be when Chini grows up she would want to make one herself and then her gift would not be unique.. hmmm.. seems like i am already expecting a lot from her ;o)
- a personalized pen from Chini, this i discarded as we s/w engineers hardly use pens and in fact with the net, we have even stopped writing letters or maintaining diaries; e-mails and blogs have taken their place! I did not want my chini's first gift to lie astray a few days later.
While i was trying to come up with ideas, discarding them, and trying again, the weekend came by and I thought, well I still have the whole weekend with me! On Saturday, we had to go to the bank to finish up some paper work and I had hoped to come up with some creative idea before the day ended. Bank took a longer time than expected - initially coz as soon as we were about to step into the bank, our little angel chose that particular time to shun her angel-ness and wear her howling face instead! and we could not enter the bank with a wailing baby, lest to scare people away. We tried to pacify her which took some time and then finally when we were able to coax her to sleep and entered the bank, we found (to our surprise) that there was only one banker, it being a half day, to tend to the customers with a long queue of people waiting. We decided to wait, anyhow, as our angel was acting like one and sleeping peacefully. We could not let this chance skip by! It was almost two o'clock by the time we came back home and found a note sticking on our mailbox that we have a package waiting to be picked up!! We were expecting one from my company and checked on the customer service desk for the same. Looking at me, the lady said, " Oh! yours is a realy big one. So, I kept it inside. Let me bring it". "Now", I thought, " A few papers shouldn't be a big package. Since when my company start with any concept called - BIG PACKAGE - ha!" Anyways, when she came out, she was holding a huge bucket of goodies!! and instantaneously, my mind began listing out all the possible people who could have send it. It couldn't have been from Cleveland as we have moved just a few days before Chini's birth to this place and hardly know anybody here. To be frank, I couldn't figure out who could have sent it. So, as soon as I had the goodies bucket in my hand, I searched frantically for the sender's note, hoping to find it there(or else, the whole weekend I would have done nothing but play the "guess who" game!). Lucky me, I found the note and was really surprised by the thoughtfulness of DH's colleagues! If, by any chance, any of you are reading this, I thank you. This little act of yours touched my heart!!
Happy Father's Day, indeed!!!
Edited to add: As for me, I sent a customized Father's Day Certificate from Babyzone hoping that he would print it and pin at his office desk.
These are a few from the list that I had thought of and discarded
- a tie with Chini's photos all over but discarded as the time was too short to order the tie.
- a beautiful greeting handmade by me on Chini's behalf - again discarded for two reasons - one i did not have sufficient accessories for the type of greeting i had wanted to make and second i thought that may be when Chini grows up she would want to make one herself and then her gift would not be unique.. hmmm.. seems like i am already expecting a lot from her ;o)
- a personalized pen from Chini, this i discarded as we s/w engineers hardly use pens and in fact with the net, we have even stopped writing letters or maintaining diaries; e-mails and blogs have taken their place! I did not want my chini's first gift to lie astray a few days later.
While i was trying to come up with ideas, discarding them, and trying again, the weekend came by and I thought, well I still have the whole weekend with me! On Saturday, we had to go to the bank to finish up some paper work and I had hoped to come up with some creative idea before the day ended. Bank took a longer time than expected - initially coz as soon as we were about to step into the bank, our little angel chose that particular time to shun her angel-ness and wear her howling face instead! and we could not enter the bank with a wailing baby, lest to scare people away. We tried to pacify her which took some time and then finally when we were able to coax her to sleep and entered the bank, we found (to our surprise) that there was only one banker, it being a half day, to tend to the customers with a long queue of people waiting. We decided to wait, anyhow, as our angel was acting like one and sleeping peacefully. We could not let this chance skip by! It was almost two o'clock by the time we came back home and found a note sticking on our mailbox that we have a package waiting to be picked up!! We were expecting one from my company and checked on the customer service desk for the same. Looking at me, the lady said, " Oh! yours is a realy big one. So, I kept it inside. Let me bring it". "Now", I thought, " A few papers shouldn't be a big package. Since when my company start with any concept called - BIG PACKAGE - ha!" Anyways, when she came out, she was holding a huge bucket of goodies!! and instantaneously, my mind began listing out all the possible people who could have send it. It couldn't have been from Cleveland as we have moved just a few days before Chini's birth to this place and hardly know anybody here. To be frank, I couldn't figure out who could have sent it. So, as soon as I had the goodies bucket in my hand, I searched frantically for the sender's note, hoping to find it there(or else, the whole weekend I would have done nothing but play the "guess who" game!). Lucky me, I found the note and was really surprised by the thoughtfulness of DH's colleagues! If, by any chance, any of you are reading this, I thank you. This little act of yours touched my heart!!
Happy Father's Day, indeed!!!
Edited to add: As for me, I sent a customized Father's Day Certificate from Babyzone hoping that he would print it and pin at his office desk.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Exhausted..
I am finally experiencing that sheer and utter exhaustion often described by new parents.
For the past six weeks, naani was here to help me out. She took care of everything - from Chini's massage to her bath to her dirty diapers, though she made sure that I learn doing all these by myself so that she can return to India with a safe thought that her dear grandchild is being handled the proper way. With dad and naani around, literally, I had to do nothing except to feed little baby. Of course, I did chores at home, but if I didn't, mom was there to take care of everything. Dad and naani did most of the playing with Khushi and, of course, to take care of her crying (read howling) nothing and no one could beat naani's expertise.
Naani flew back home on Saturday, which I thought would give Chini two days to get adjusted to her absence and it would not be much difficult as Dad would be there to help me out in handling her, if she becomes a little difficult without naani. Little princess, instead, chose to sleep over it. She slept like an angel for two entire days (naani would have loved to see this!!) - waking up just to nurse or poop or to grace us with an occasional smile!
How I wished she acted the same on menace Monday!
First, she launched into one of the most painful, inconsolable crying sessions she's ever had. She was wailing, absolutely shrieking at the top of her lungs. It was heartbreaking and frustrating, as I tried everything in my soothing repertoire to no avail. I nursed her. I walked with her. I massaged her. I bathed her. I put her in the rocker swing. I sang to her. I danced with her. She just kept bawling.
Her dad called up from his office just to check how both of us were doing. He suggested to check her ears, her tummy, and very sympathetically offered to come home to help me out. I told him I'd be all right (though I appreciated the much-needed moral support), and proceeded to cuddle her very tight.
She was still crying and fussing, but I finally managed to calm her down and put her to sleep
(or she cried herself out to sleep), and then I thought is the perfect time to get out of the room to grab a quick bite and prepare something for lunch. Yes, I had not eaten anything since morning!
I thought perhaps all was now fine, as she seemed to be in a deep, peaceful sleep. But I think something was bothering her--gas in her tummy? water in her ear? a growth spurt? wet diaper? missing naani? hungry again? I was clueless.. everything i did to calm her down did not seem to last longer than 10 minutes-- she woke up every few minutes with a loud cry and nothing, nothing gave her peace. She'd cry. She'd nurse. She'd cry again. She'd pee. She'd sleep. She'd wake, she'd fuss, nurse again, she'd poop, while nursing, fuss again, tire herself out to sleep, cry herself out if I try to put her down to sleep - leaving no moment for me to leave her side or finish any chores in the house.
So here I am. Sitting with my sleeping baby in my lap, amidst the bed unmade, dishes unwashed, hair unkempt, clothes unchanged, body unwashed, drenched in her pee and poop all over. Today, I'm feeling it. I'm absolutely exhausted, my tired eyes just want to sleep. And now she's finally napping... I am not sure for how long.. but a look at her angelic face and I feel exhilarated at miracles of motherhood, even amongst the smelly pee and poop..
For the past six weeks, naani was here to help me out. She took care of everything - from Chini's massage to her bath to her dirty diapers, though she made sure that I learn doing all these by myself so that she can return to India with a safe thought that her dear grandchild is being handled the proper way. With dad and naani around, literally, I had to do nothing except to feed little baby. Of course, I did chores at home, but if I didn't, mom was there to take care of everything. Dad and naani did most of the playing with Khushi and, of course, to take care of her crying (read howling) nothing and no one could beat naani's expertise.
Naani flew back home on Saturday, which I thought would give Chini two days to get adjusted to her absence and it would not be much difficult as Dad would be there to help me out in handling her, if she becomes a little difficult without naani. Little princess, instead, chose to sleep over it. She slept like an angel for two entire days (naani would have loved to see this!!) - waking up just to nurse or poop or to grace us with an occasional smile!
How I wished she acted the same on menace Monday!
First, she launched into one of the most painful, inconsolable crying sessions she's ever had. She was wailing, absolutely shrieking at the top of her lungs. It was heartbreaking and frustrating, as I tried everything in my soothing repertoire to no avail. I nursed her. I walked with her. I massaged her. I bathed her. I put her in the rocker swing. I sang to her. I danced with her. She just kept bawling.
Her dad called up from his office just to check how both of us were doing. He suggested to check her ears, her tummy, and very sympathetically offered to come home to help me out. I told him I'd be all right (though I appreciated the much-needed moral support), and proceeded to cuddle her very tight.
She was still crying and fussing, but I finally managed to calm her down and put her to sleep
(or she cried herself out to sleep), and then I thought is the perfect time to get out of the room to grab a quick bite and prepare something for lunch. Yes, I had not eaten anything since morning!
I thought perhaps all was now fine, as she seemed to be in a deep, peaceful sleep. But I think something was bothering her--gas in her tummy? water in her ear? a growth spurt? wet diaper? missing naani? hungry again? I was clueless.. everything i did to calm her down did not seem to last longer than 10 minutes-- she woke up every few minutes with a loud cry and nothing, nothing gave her peace. She'd cry. She'd nurse. She'd cry again. She'd pee. She'd sleep. She'd wake, she'd fuss, nurse again, she'd poop, while nursing, fuss again, tire herself out to sleep, cry herself out if I try to put her down to sleep - leaving no moment for me to leave her side or finish any chores in the house.
So here I am. Sitting with my sleeping baby in my lap, amidst the bed unmade, dishes unwashed, hair unkempt, clothes unchanged, body unwashed, drenched in her pee and poop all over. Today, I'm feeling it. I'm absolutely exhausted, my tired eyes just want to sleep. And now she's finally napping... I am not sure for how long.. but a look at her angelic face and I feel exhilarated at miracles of motherhood, even amongst the smelly pee and poop..
Monday, June 4, 2007
And soon the day would arrive..
.. when naani would be packing her suitcases and flying back home. I feel awful.. and I want to cry... cry out loud! I still remember how carefully we had planned our move to Cleveland so that we would be comfortably settled down before she arrives from India. But momma proposes and God disposes; and we had moved to the new city just one week before and to the new flat just two days before she landed! Chini was just a few weeks away from her scheduled landing!
Nonetheless, a perfect timing! Naani gladly helped us in settling down in the new place - ever since she landed, she had been on her foot along with us to shop for our stuff - from groceries to cutlery, from furniture to car and from babies wardrobe to her daughter's (We had moved from LA, so sold most of our stuff, had to buy everything from scratch). After returning from our hectic trips (and in fact before going out,too), she would cook for the entire family, giving her daughter the much needed rest in the last stage of pregnancy. All this and never complaining for her tiredness (she has a very high sugar level and minor spondylitis which has reduced her strength considerably), but concerned for her daughter - who, according to her, shouldn't have gotten into this trouble of moving and settling down at this stage. And she repeatedly conveyed this, much to my annoyance. I could not understand her, then. Now, when I am a mother, I know how she felt.
And then, when we had barely managed to settle down and just started to buy baby's stuff, Chini decided to enter into this world- ten days earlier. Once again, naani took the reins and decided to take care of the home, sending the much needed home food for the Mom and cooking separately for herself and Dad. This she continued for long after we returned from our extended stay in the hospital. She gave me the much needed rest and massage, thus, strengthening me physically and mentally.
With her around, I do not have to care for a thing. She takes care of the kitchen - which always remains spotlessly clean. She takes care of the dishes and goes around the house dusting every piece of furniture every day and assists me with the laundry.
She is the one who gave Chini her first bath. She is the one who massaged her for the first time. She is the one who would console Chini, during her crying fits, cradling her in her arms until she goes off to sleep. She is the one who would change and wash her nappies all the time. She is the one who introduced grapes to her, which Chini took to instantly and loves even now. She is the first one to whom Chini talked to for the very first time! She is the first one to be delighted over Chini's cycling legs and boxing arms! How I wish Chini could remember all that naani did for her! By the time we would visit India, which should be sometime these winters, Chini would have forgotten her naani and naani's touch!
Whatever is bound to happen will happen, how much ever you dread it or try to prolong it. I dread the emptiness in the house once she leaves. I have never stayed with her for so long ever since I had left home for my education. Soon after I had finished my college, I had to join the job which was in a different city and later, got married in another city. It's been almost ten years and I would have hardly spent a few days with her per year. Also, it's almost five years now that I have been working and I hardly took any time off from my work. This is the first time, in years, that I have spent so many cherished days with her. And I dread to see her go back. In fact, a part of me, doesn't want her to go. But to go, she has. She did her part. She did all that she could as a mother. And I enjoyed every moment of it- moments lived both as a mother and as a child; moments spent taking care and taken care of; moments spent nurturing and being nurtured!
Nonetheless, a perfect timing! Naani gladly helped us in settling down in the new place - ever since she landed, she had been on her foot along with us to shop for our stuff - from groceries to cutlery, from furniture to car and from babies wardrobe to her daughter's (We had moved from LA, so sold most of our stuff, had to buy everything from scratch). After returning from our hectic trips (and in fact before going out,too), she would cook for the entire family, giving her daughter the much needed rest in the last stage of pregnancy. All this and never complaining for her tiredness (she has a very high sugar level and minor spondylitis which has reduced her strength considerably), but concerned for her daughter - who, according to her, shouldn't have gotten into this trouble of moving and settling down at this stage. And she repeatedly conveyed this, much to my annoyance. I could not understand her, then. Now, when I am a mother, I know how she felt.
And then, when we had barely managed to settle down and just started to buy baby's stuff, Chini decided to enter into this world- ten days earlier. Once again, naani took the reins and decided to take care of the home, sending the much needed home food for the Mom and cooking separately for herself and Dad. This she continued for long after we returned from our extended stay in the hospital. She gave me the much needed rest and massage, thus, strengthening me physically and mentally.
With her around, I do not have to care for a thing. She takes care of the kitchen - which always remains spotlessly clean. She takes care of the dishes and goes around the house dusting every piece of furniture every day and assists me with the laundry.
She is the one who gave Chini her first bath. She is the one who massaged her for the first time. She is the one who would console Chini, during her crying fits, cradling her in her arms until she goes off to sleep. She is the one who would change and wash her nappies all the time. She is the one who introduced grapes to her, which Chini took to instantly and loves even now. She is the first one to whom Chini talked to for the very first time! She is the first one to be delighted over Chini's cycling legs and boxing arms! How I wish Chini could remember all that naani did for her! By the time we would visit India, which should be sometime these winters, Chini would have forgotten her naani and naani's touch!
Whatever is bound to happen will happen, how much ever you dread it or try to prolong it. I dread the emptiness in the house once she leaves. I have never stayed with her for so long ever since I had left home for my education. Soon after I had finished my college, I had to join the job which was in a different city and later, got married in another city. It's been almost ten years and I would have hardly spent a few days with her per year. Also, it's almost five years now that I have been working and I hardly took any time off from my work. This is the first time, in years, that I have spent so many cherished days with her. And I dread to see her go back. In fact, a part of me, doesn't want her to go. But to go, she has. She did her part. She did all that she could as a mother. And I enjoyed every moment of it- moments lived both as a mother and as a child; moments spent taking care and taken care of; moments spent nurturing and being nurtured!
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