Threats and Consequences

It was the dinnertime. As we have our dinner by 6:30 p.m. most of the days, we do not wait for the dad (who anyways is not home before 8:00 p.m.). In order to calm the kids down, I promised to tell them a story during the meal. I made up an instant one and was rather proud of myself (infact, had thought of publishing it here as well), when chini got inspired and decided that she would also tell me a story. Now, this has been going on for quite some time and the kids were encouraged to come up with their creative/narrative talents. For quite a while they were stuck with the "happily ever after syndrome but were fast developing more skills to story-telling. Sugarbun always starts with "Once upon a time" and ended with "the end", in the middle would be anything from dora to mom, to a puppy to anything she can think of at that moment. Chinipie had started giving twists to the traditional tales, sometimes making a potpourri of many stories together and at times coming up with some of her very own, which was amazing.

But the story she made impromptu today, just shook me up. Though, she has been insisting, ever since, "momma, that's just in my story!", I have not been able to fathom her figment of imagination. And somehow feel, much to the dad's amusement, that somehow my actions and doings have led to it.. guilt. Guilt!

Here it goes, exactly as she said it. Let me know what you think of it..

There was a little girl and her baby brother, who lived with their mommy and daddy. Daddy had gone to office. The kids were playing in their play room, when their mommy asked them to clean up in 10 minutes. When mommy came in the room, it was all messy. Toys and books were all on the floor. So she got very angry and went upstairs to her room and banged the door and locked it. When the dad came home, he pushed open the door and asked what happened; to which she replied that the kids are being very mean. The kids, too, entered the room and then the mommy yelled at them. The policemen came and took mommy away and put her in jail. The kids shouted "yippie" and jumped in the bed all night. Then, the dad joined them, cheering "yippie" too!!

To which I asked, was the mommy wrong in asking the kids to clean up their mess? (I always ask them to!In fact, had asked them to clean up before dinner. Their are time-outs or no story or no play time as a consequence)
Do I ever bang the door or lock it? (I never ever bang the door and shutting any door except the front and the back door and of course, the bathroom doors are against the rules of our house. I wonder, if my locking the bathroom door might have triggered that point coz it's sth new for them. Oh! she had closed her room's door on sugar's face, this afternoon, when sugar had started crying, she had immediately realized her folly. I was in another room and didn't intervene.)
Will you be happy if I go away? Sugar replied that they would be sad while each time, chini kept saying it's just a story!


I do try to be strict with them in certain matters, and talk in a firm,stern voice, sometimes, raising my voice, too(which I regret and am trying to improve upon). And there are threats, consequences, time-outs too, which actually turn out to be very traumatic for all of us. Parenting, as I see, is very challenging and an ever-learning process in which I find myself growing with the kids. But, never, had I thought that I am bad at it. Probably, I am thinking too much. Probably, being closer to 5, chini is at a stage where she is constantly inquiring and experimenting with lots of idea around her/in her mind.

For instance, this was the conversation yesterday:
Momma, trying to get sugar to do something: (in a stern voice)
I want you to come here, right now!
Chini, sitting close-by, looks up from her book,
what will you do?
Let her come here first.
no but, what will you do if she doesn't come?
I will get upset.
Then? Then, what will you do?
I will be very upset.
If you get upset, what will you do? Will you hit her?
NO!! We don't raise our hands when we get upset. That's not the right thing. Have I ever hit you?
AFter some thinking,Yes! this morning, when I was getting ready.
Honey! that was an accident! I was trying to reach ur shoes when that happened and I did say sorry to you! (Actually, my hand had accidentally brushed against her)
Yeah you did! but tell me, what will you do to sugar now? Will you put her out in the rain? Will you throw her in the garbage truck? What will you do?
[Okay, now this needs some explanation. On Monday, after bringing chini back from school, sugar had started throwing tantrums and had not wanted to enter the house. "Home is boring", she had said. It was raining and Monday, being the trash pick-up day, after much cajoling, I had said that she can stay outside in the rain, if she wants. Sugar, in fact, was very happy. To which, chini had got much agitated, "No! Don't do that to my sister! the garbage truck will come and pick sugar up and throw her in fire .. like Andy's toys in toy story 3!!" Sugar was excited with the idea of hitching a ride in the garbage truck and the fire truck. Only her sister's protests and convincing made her rethink and both the sister's got in the house, holding hands. Garbage truck actually crushes things before taking them to dump in the fire, mommaLater, she had told me. So, never again talk about leaving her outside on a garbage day! As I had marveled over her immense observation and the sister's bond, the matter, for me, was over.]
What will you do, momma. Answer me.
Why do I have to give you both consequences for everything? Why can't you do just as I ask, in the first place?
Because.. Ok. I will help you. I will ask sugar to come.



Now tell me what will I do?? What should I do??

Welcoming Santa

It has been unusually warm winter so far. We did have a snowy day, around halloween, when we were so not ready for it and a few cold autumn days afterwards, but it has been very pleasant ever since. We wouldn't have realized it's the month of December if the sunset didn't happen at 4:00 p.m. each day! Any chnces of having a hite chistamas this year? Probably something to worry about, but that we will do later. For now, we are enjoying. Most days, when it's not raining, we even manage to sneak out for a super-short evening walk!

The neighbourhood is lively with the holiday lights and decorations. Everybody has a green wreath hanging on their front door. We can see well-decorated christmas trees through some windows.
"when are we going to decorate our christmas tree?" chini asks. " are we going to celebrate chrismas with our friends like we did when I was three and sugar was 1?" (last xmas, we had a get-together with our friends where one of the dads had dressed up as santa and given gifts to all the kids. Gifts were, of course, brought by parents.)
i want to go see baby jesus being born
and various such inquisitiveness. We are still not ready for a tree, so momma got the ornaments to decorate the tree outside. Now, we r waiting for the sun to shine back (it has been raining non-stop for past 3 days now) so tt we can go out and hang those pretty things. Meanwhile, the xmas bells are on the door, santa and snowman clingies on the windows, large wreath bows in the mantel and the stockings are hanging already on the fireplace.
Why does Santa come through chimney, papa?
wHy don't we have stockings for you and momma? I want santa to get you both dome gifts too. You have behaved good this year.
Meanwhile, all thoughts are being invested in wht gifts to be asked from Santa. Check out what's on the top of her list!

Dear Santa
I have not been very good this year. But i have kept my promises. I told momma I will not bite my nails at school and I stopped! I promise that I will be a good girl. Please get me a bottle of pink sparkly nail polish.
Love, chini

And already, a box of goldfish has been left at the fireplace for Santa. Sugar meanwhile has been practicing her carols, " up on the rooftop" "away in the manger" "jingle bells" "rudolf-the red nosed reindeer" are all sung at her full vocal chords. Sometime, she gets a little out of track and starts " do re mi fa so la ti" which goes like this-
Doe a deer, female dear
Ray a floss of golden sun
Me a name Call myself
Fa momma go to run!?!?

Shark Teeth

Do you know how many teeth do the sharks have? This might be a fun read.

And how many teeth does my chinipie has?
one hundred!
That's what she very proudly told the dentist during her recent check-up. The dentist then counted out loud with her and much to chini's disappointment, ended up at 20.
I want to have 100 teeth!
Yes, unless you want to be a shark, said the dentist. You aren't one, are you?
Yes, I am
(now somebody plz explain momma why is this one hundred such a magical number?)


So we had been to the dentist. And momma is actually not making a huge ruckus about it as it is actually the 2nd visit. The first ever visit was in March, for which chini was pretty excited as the then-next-door paediatric dentist had just made a visit to her school. And, it was a huge deal then! Chini had surprised them with her knowledge of floss and mouthwash! In return, they even had done a complimentary dental check for sugar! (Nah! Just kidding, they had told at very beginning that they would.)

This time Chini was a little skeptical, partly due to her dad's recent visits and partly, coz some of her friends at school have either lost their first baby tooth or have a wiggy one. Though, her hesitation came as a surprise to me as just a few days back, she had complained how unfair it is that her friends are already losing their baby teeth while she is still stuck with them! And then she had gone ahead and drafted a letter to the tooth fairy (already!) which went something like this:


Dear Tooth fairy,

give me and my baby sister a yummy thing to eat.
Also, add one for momma and one for papa.
Love,
Chini

(Yes! All her prayers have to include all of us. Isn't that so sweet?)


The shark teeth acted as an ice-breaker and the rest went quite well. The high point was when the dentist cranked chini's chair up and down. She smiled wide every time that happened and said I am enjoying the ride, momma!

Sugar doesn't let any stranger cross her safe space. So, while she was constantly chirping all through her sister's sitting, she turned into a wiggly worm when it was her turn. As a result I had to take her in my lap. And then, it was all three of us on that dentist chair ride!
For next few days, sugar would show her teeth to me and say,
"look at my teeth. They are pink!"


A couple of months ago,in some context, I asked chinipie - which book had lobsters shaking hands with us humans?
I remember that book, She had said. Not only did she remember the name of the book but had then gone on to describe, so, perfectly, each and every page of the book. Given the fact that we had read that book in the very beginning of summers! Don't kids have such amazing memories? You know what the book was?
Never take a shark to a denist. ;)

Papa ki pari

Papa, U Hv to come home early before night falls.
The dad, who usually comes by nine reaches home at 6:30 p.m. as promised to his angel.
Papa, I told you to come early!
Beta, I did come early! ( poor dad, obviously, was hoping for a pat on the back)
No, U didn't! pointing out of the window. See, it's already night. I told you to come before it gets dark.
It's winters, beta. It gets dark in the evening, itself. It's not night yet.
Shrugging her shoulders, you never keep your promise!
Another little voice repeats, you never keep ur pomise, phaphaa!
.
.
.
And, somewhere in the background, mom is trying hard to suppress her laughter.



The dad takes over the task of getting the chores done, one morning, as momma is not feeling so well.
We should not let the water run so fast, papa. It's wastage
We do not use that tooth paste, papa
Not that cup. I drink milk in the other cup!
not that much milk. I take less than that.
Not strawberry. I like chocolate flavor
Finally, a frustrated little girl says,
U don't do anything like momma does!
Following which another sweet voice adds,
u don't do anything, phuphaa!
.
.
.
A much amused momma, then, comes to an equally amused dad's rescue and to pacify the dad's darlings.



Another day, during a long drive to some place,

Momma drives better than you, papa. U drive so slooow and always take such a long long time to reach any place!
The dad raises an eyebrow, with a smuck look on his face, to the beaming mom!



Watching dad, keenly, who is writing a cheque,
Why are you scribbling on the paper? Don't you know how to write?
The astonished dad, " that's my signature."
But that's not any good writing.
Before dad could explain, the opinion is seconded, you scribbled, phapa.
And he just gives up, in front of his two beautiful judges.


And the news of the lifetime! The dad, now, no longer bites his nails and actually uses a nail cutter to trim his errr..... Cuticles!!
Seeing the dad's fingers in his mouth, Papa, are you biting your nails?
No. The skin around my nails has grown. Am taking it off. ( yeah! He actually said that!)
Next time, she catches him,Is the skin grown again?
Some other day, Wht are you doing papa?
Yet another time, you were biting ur nail. Don't lie to me
And rest, as you know, nail biting is history...




Not to mention, the main reasons for the apt title of this post..
Papa's pariis get 'bored' of a dress after it is worn a couple of times. Sometimes, after the one single account of actually dorning it(which might be less than an hour)! And every ten days or so, you can hear, you haven't bought me a new dress for a long time, papa!

And the best part is their love for accessories! They just love anyting with gold, silver, stones, oearls and diamonds! Even their dresses should have some sort of 'jewelleries' on them. Papa's pariis have to have to have to stop and admire every jewellery display in stores like macy's. Woow! Beautiful!
Pretty!
That ring/ear-ring will look good on momma!
When I grow up, can I have that pearl necklace, papa?
I want the diamond one, papha!
We both want pearl and diamond ones, papa!!



Edited to add: Go on... Pour in your love for the trio.. The dad and his two darlings..( papa aur unkindo pyari pariyaan!)

Thanksgiving is for giving thanks

The month of november had started with a long wait for the thanksgiving day. The teachers did a good job at school educating the kids about the holiday. Starting the month with a field trip to a native Indian village, trying out the dresses, craft work, story, play and the chapel lessons, every day chinipie had a new story to share. Oft repeated was the thankfulness prayer. With thankyou Jesus, thank you for the sun, to thankyou for the family, Chinipie is full of gratitude. When she would get really bugged by her little sister, the poor girl would innocently ask, " momma, I am thankful for sugar but why does she trouble me so much?". She did seem to accept the justification when i told her that sugar missed her and that's how she is trying to be close to her and show her love. Once the question involved the dad too.."I love papa and am thankful for him but why does he get angry with me?"All I could come up with was that he loves you and is really thankful for you and wants you to do everything in a better way..


The star question was,"why do we light fire when we do prayers - at home, mandir or even my chapel?" Following her cue, I told her that's how we thank God for providing us with everything and as lighting a candle or a lamp diya removes darkness around us, we wish to light such lamp within us while offering prayers. "is it dark inside us?" Mommy wasn't ready for all the questions that would follow if she tried to explain the euphemism to her curious 4-yr old, who no doubt, is very much capable of throwing them at her when she doesn't see them coming. Like when she showed me a very beautiful picture of a sunset she painted, after reading the book, The legend of Indian paintbrush, she asked "why there was no green in the sunset?" Now, all I could think of was of the physics explanation of the wavelength, which definitely would have bored my eager girl and I asked her instead what color ws the sun? She said "orange in the morning, a little later yellow Nd white in the afternoon.. In evening it even looks reD sometimes." "There you go! You know the answer now!" I said. " but the sun is never purple! So why does the sunset hs purple in it?" HHHEELLPP!!
Why is the dad never around when I need him the most??


So, while sugar hs been thanking me each time when I hand her a cup of water or milk, or dress her up or put her shoes on; chini declared that she would write a thank you note for all her friends. The mailman would be the first to receive the honours, it was decided. It was only fateful that as we were about to finish it off that the mail van arrived and hurriedly the name was signed and the door wS opened and momma was informed "I will be right back! and without even looking back once, an errand had to be made. While the momma anxiously stood at the curb, barefoot, lest the mailman think that her cutie bundle wAs a mail too.. The note was duly delivered to him and he, in turn, raised the note-holding hand to the mom and the little girl jogged back, beaming, " I had to make a run!"
Of course, you had to, sweet heart!


And it was decided that we would thank all our friends for 'being our friends' this thanksgiving and when we were all set for the journey, chini said, "I am so excited, but where are we going NEXT thanksgiving?"