Pushing vs. Encouraging - identifying the fine line

Scenario 1 - Sugar and Chini are enrolled for the swim lessons. While Chini is enthusiastic about it, sugar has been quiet. She becomes clingy as soon as we enter the swim zone and just before the very first lesson throws up. Thankfully, she hadn't entered the pool so it's just outside. Nevertheless, I could tell that she is scared as she was not even letting me take her to the shower room to clean up for the fear of me leaving her again. There was no point of pushing her for the lesson again so after changing, I took her back to the swim area and instead of sitting on the pavilion, We went straight to the lessons area and let her see how each kid , including her oder sister was enjoying. All the while, mom's mind was apprehensive whether she's being pushy and the child is not ready yet. On giving it much thought and talking with other moms and grandmas and teachers, the mom realized that she actually and done the best thing by taking Sugar back to actually watch the other kids. So mom decided to give it one more try with no snacks 2 hours strictly prior to the swim time. And Voila! It worked. Not only does sugar now enjoy the swim lessons but actually looks forward to them.

Inference: sometimes, just a little tweaking and talking, of course, turns out a huge positive encouragement and puts a mom's mind to rest.


Scenario 2 -  Sugar and Chini are, finally, signed up for ice-skating lessons. They have been pleading for ages to join these classes. They are all decked up and super-excited. By the end of the first lessons, they have fallen so many number of times, that their spirits ate dampened. Mom talked to them how they had learnt walking as a baby and similar stories to encourage them. Towards the second week, Sugar has all forgotten about the first episode and is as enthusiastic as the last time but Chini develops this fear of hurting her nose or face(though she hd fallen last week on her bottoms every time). She actually had surprisingly one very well, inspite of the fact that those were her very first lessons on the ice. She had actually marched to retrieve the marker successfully thrown about two feet away from her starting point, without even falling once! Still, for some reason, she was afraid the second week and had declared just before the lessons that the only thing she was good at was standing still on the ice and guess what? To momma's horror, that's exactly what she did for full 35 minutes! No amount of cajoling, pampering(the coach carried her in his arms while he skated throughout the rink, in hopes that she would warm up!), taking, encouraging deter her! Horror of horrors, momma had never thought that her Chini would mean and act those words( of staying still) quite literally. The coach finally brought her out for some rest and some one on one time with the mom and said be would be back for her in the after ten minutes. On being asked, she said she had changed her mind and didn't want to learn ice-skating anymore. So, mom should cancel the lessons. Too bad, mom could actually visualize her two hundred dollars flushing down the drain. Nah! Just kidding. Mom tried to work her brains quickly and started thinking of all the peppy things, she could. But No! This time nothing was bound to work. Finally mom said, that as this course was already signed up for, it couldn't be cancelled and at the end, if Chini still didn't like it, she will not sign her up for the next session. But until then, she will have to give it a fair try and follow the coach's instructions. But NO. Mom's little adamant daughter didn't want to give anything to it. Not a try. Nothing. Finally, mom had no choice but to pull the last thread.
No try would mean some consequence. 
Give me any consequence, I don't care.
 Okay. So are you ready? 
Yes! 
No try would mean no electronics, no TV, no iPad for entire one week till the next lesson. 
That's not fair! 
Well, it is what it is. You chose it.

And lo and behold, she walked hand in hand with the coach as soon as he came for her, with a smile. And this time, she did march! Those baby marching steps, without falling, with a smile on her face all the time!


Inference: when you know your child can do it and has done it before, being a little hard on them, is definitely, not pushing.

And as soon as she was done, she came out and asked,

So do I get the iPad now.

The mom would have said yes but then it struck her, that her smart Chini might use it as 'only one trial is enough' and the message would be lost. So she decided to stick with the consequence, and said the next week when she tries and tries through the entire class, then she would get it back.

As soon as, we reached home, her smarty pants daughter said, 'I won't watch any episode or play games on the ipad. But I really need to order a book from the library. So, can I have e ipad for that purpose, at least?' 

NO! 
But Why?
BecAuse no ipad means NO iPAD!
Okay.

Before you think her reason was just, let me tell you what exactly would have happened had I said yes. She wud hv started with the library thing. Coincidently, at that very time sugar would have  wandered close-by. Would have snatched iPad from the older sis and despite all her warnings and protests, would have put on some episode. Which both would have been happily watched.

Been that route already. Have burnt my fingers, many a times. You see. ;)

Your Country My Country Your Culture My Culture

Images above have been randomly picked from an internet images source.


This post was originally scheduled for 26th January.

Jai Hind repeated Chinipie and Sugarbun after me. But what is a republic day mom. On being told that it's the day when the Constitution of India had come into effect. Like the american Constitution? On an affirmative, she gets excited and goes on to recite the Pledge of Allegiance. After being duly applauded, she goes on Does your country has a Pledge as well? 

Sounds shocking, isn't it? The first time I had heard it, I had taken quite a number of days to stand on my two wobbly feet again w/o any fear of fainting. I had thanked God for providing me with super-strong and healthy cardiovascular muscles to have been able to endure such blows to my very Indian Mom Heart. It was the summers of 2012 and the London Olympics had started. An exception had been made and the girls were allowed to stay up until late night to watch he beautiful opening ceremony. They had enjoyed every bit of the nurses dance, the Harry Potter, Mary Poppins, James Bond and the Queen. Later, when the parade had commenced, they had watched in awe as each country's sportspersons had held their flag, their cauldron and were in their traditional attire. After sometime, Chinipie had asked,
 "when's our country coming, mumma?"  
Without giving it much thought, the mom had said,
"we are on 'G' right now. Since it's alphateically, after H will come I and only then India's team will come." 
Without missing a snap, she had said,
"That's your country. When's my country coming? "
As mom was checking that her feet were still planted on earth and that her heart was still where it should have been, albeit a bit broken, she realized that Chinipie was still speaking,
"It should have been in the beginning as America starts with 'A'."
" yes momma. america starts with A." Sugarbun had chimed in.
After having gathered those little pieces of her heart, mom had gathered her wits too and replied,
"Actually the full name isUnited States of  America. So you will have to wait until the letter 'U' " and being a mom, she had made them recite theor alphabet.
Seemingly unaware of mom's plight, they had soon jumped up seeing the tricolor on the tv screen,
"Look mumma! That's your country's flag. I really like the yellow saree the girls are wearing. But what's that yellow thing on the boys' head? Yeah! Go India Go! Mommy that's your country! I am so excited"
Though, with a bleeding heart, momma took consolation in the fact that at least the apple of her eyes knew the tricolor flag and were actually cheering for her country, India.

It did take a while to sink in but now momma has learnt to take a pride when her wittle darlings come back from school and insist to know more about 'your country and your culture'. Mommy is proud that she is teaching her kids to keep an open and learning mind and appreciate each nation's culture, regard the differences and most importantly to salute the FLAG of each country. Seeing the US flag on their playroom floor once, she had asked them to pick it up and had gently told them, that we should make sure that we never trample the flag with our feet. Incidentally, there was a guest, who had quipped, "so what. It's not India's flag." Mom had tried to control her temper over such an insensitive remark and made sure her girls would not listen to any such nonsense and learn to be a part of this whole global community, we call the world with all the due respect. After all, there's some truth in Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam.

What would you do? Not all of us are raising our kids in our beloved India. How do you think we should raise responsible, respectful and yet not confused children? 

I do need some help here coz I face scenarios when I have guests at home who quite insensibly remark on the number of Indian flags at my home vs the American. It takes me to muster all self-control not to remind them that I have never seen any Indian flag at their home and gently diverge the topic from there. I am really proud the way I am raising my kids. They speak, though not very fluently, and undstand Hindi. They know much about the Indian national symbols as well as the American ones. So when people remark that my kids have an American accent, I all but smile, rather than saying, "they don't. We are the ones with accent." Or " what wud u think ur kids are going to speak when they grow up." There are times, when i stop myself from asking such people, " really? and what do you think your culture is? or what culture you are raising your kid in?" Have you ever faced such  situations? How do you handle those?

A letter to tooth fairy

A letter to tooth fairy

Feb 7th, 2013, 10:30 a.m. to be precise, has to go down in history. For this is the day, my lil chinipie lost her first baby tooth. That very first tooth, upon slight sighting of which, at the baby-age of five and a half months, the mom had called almost everybody in her family n frens list with the very exciting news (yeah.. She was a young, new, and first-time mom). Chinipie is now five (and three-quarters) years old and has lost her first baby tooth and is super-excited about it. She even plans to show that tiny gap in her lower teeth line for the 'show-n-tell' at school tomorrow. She had drafted a very lovely letter to tooth fairy just before she went to bed. The tooth fairy a.k.a the dad was duly called and informed to get a gift and a chocolate to be kept under the pillow, albeit secretly.

We were not at all prepared for this milestone, you see. The said tooth has been (supposedly) wiggling for past one and a half year. Past two weeks, the whole family has been going crazy taking turns catching and dealing with the stomach bug and with the frequent trips to the 'john' we frankly hadn't bothered putting our hands in her mouth. This morning, chini being the latest stomach-bug-infected person had stayed home and was given a popsicle while mom had busied herself with all the buggy laundry (yes. mom is a freak. Let's not talk about her.) . So, with a load in washer, another in dryer, mom was busy folding the previous ones, when Chinipie came rushing with a minuscule thing in her hand, "see momma! See . See". As hateful a task, mom thinks folding laundry is, she just wanted to get done with it and at that point, didn't really wanted to get up again to go to another room to see anything. A bored mom looked up at her with a face saying 'I really can't see anything'. Chini said, " my first tooth. It came out. See!!" And then momma did see. That little tiny speck if red on her lower gum and that super-duper tiny tooth with another dot of red in her palm. That's when momma started jumping.  " oh my God! Chini! Yes! It did come out."

 " i can't believe it mumma"

 " i know. neither can I" 

" i am so excited. Now tooth fairy will get me a toy!"

" ahem yes"  apparently, in her excitement, momma had forgotten that part.

The letter

Dear tooth fairy

I was eating popsicle then I touched my tooth. I touched my gum, and I took the tooth out of my mouth. (Tooth is in a cotton ball.) Love:

P.s. Notice the tiny tooth she has made on the top? 

That's the tooth fairy with her tooth. Pretty, isn't it?

While Chinipie had been chirping excitedly, the whole day how she cannot believe this actually happened, the mom felt that little pang of sadness of losing those part of her little-baby. Apparently, her Chini has grown up so quickly an those little baby-teeth will soon be all gone. And gone will be her sweet little baby chini too. I know I am a hopeless case of emotional bundle.

Let's part with Chinipie's favorite tooth joke

Q: What is the best time to go to a dentist?  

A: Tooth-hurty (2:30)

:)  :)