Threats and Consequences

It was the dinnertime. As we have our dinner by 6:30 p.m. most of the days, we do not wait for the dad (who anyways is not home before 8:00 p.m.). In order to calm the kids down, I promised to tell them a story during the meal. I made up an instant one and was rather proud of myself (infact, had thought of publishing it here as well), when chini got inspired and decided that she would also tell me a story. Now, this has been going on for quite some time and the kids were encouraged to come up with their creative/narrative talents. For quite a while they were stuck with the "happily ever after syndrome but were fast developing more skills to story-telling. Sugarbun always starts with "Once upon a time" and ended with "the end", in the middle would be anything from dora to mom, to a puppy to anything she can think of at that moment. Chinipie had started giving twists to the traditional tales, sometimes making a potpourri of many stories together and at times coming up with some of her very own, which was amazing.

But the story she made impromptu today, just shook me up. Though, she has been insisting, ever since, "momma, that's just in my story!", I have not been able to fathom her figment of imagination. And somehow feel, much to the dad's amusement, that somehow my actions and doings have led to it.. guilt. Guilt!

Here it goes, exactly as she said it. Let me know what you think of it..

There was a little girl and her baby brother, who lived with their mommy and daddy. Daddy had gone to office. The kids were playing in their play room, when their mommy asked them to clean up in 10 minutes. When mommy came in the room, it was all messy. Toys and books were all on the floor. So she got very angry and went upstairs to her room and banged the door and locked it. When the dad came home, he pushed open the door and asked what happened; to which she replied that the kids are being very mean. The kids, too, entered the room and then the mommy yelled at them. The policemen came and took mommy away and put her in jail. The kids shouted "yippie" and jumped in the bed all night. Then, the dad joined them, cheering "yippie" too!!

To which I asked, was the mommy wrong in asking the kids to clean up their mess? (I always ask them to!In fact, had asked them to clean up before dinner. Their are time-outs or no story or no play time as a consequence)
Do I ever bang the door or lock it? (I never ever bang the door and shutting any door except the front and the back door and of course, the bathroom doors are against the rules of our house. I wonder, if my locking the bathroom door might have triggered that point coz it's sth new for them. Oh! she had closed her room's door on sugar's face, this afternoon, when sugar had started crying, she had immediately realized her folly. I was in another room and didn't intervene.)
Will you be happy if I go away? Sugar replied that they would be sad while each time, chini kept saying it's just a story!


I do try to be strict with them in certain matters, and talk in a firm,stern voice, sometimes, raising my voice, too(which I regret and am trying to improve upon). And there are threats, consequences, time-outs too, which actually turn out to be very traumatic for all of us. Parenting, as I see, is very challenging and an ever-learning process in which I find myself growing with the kids. But, never, had I thought that I am bad at it. Probably, I am thinking too much. Probably, being closer to 5, chini is at a stage where she is constantly inquiring and experimenting with lots of idea around her/in her mind.

For instance, this was the conversation yesterday:
Momma, trying to get sugar to do something: (in a stern voice)
I want you to come here, right now!
Chini, sitting close-by, looks up from her book,
what will you do?
Let her come here first.
no but, what will you do if she doesn't come?
I will get upset.
Then? Then, what will you do?
I will be very upset.
If you get upset, what will you do? Will you hit her?
NO!! We don't raise our hands when we get upset. That's not the right thing. Have I ever hit you?
AFter some thinking,Yes! this morning, when I was getting ready.
Honey! that was an accident! I was trying to reach ur shoes when that happened and I did say sorry to you! (Actually, my hand had accidentally brushed against her)
Yeah you did! but tell me, what will you do to sugar now? Will you put her out in the rain? Will you throw her in the garbage truck? What will you do?
[Okay, now this needs some explanation. On Monday, after bringing chini back from school, sugar had started throwing tantrums and had not wanted to enter the house. "Home is boring", she had said. It was raining and Monday, being the trash pick-up day, after much cajoling, I had said that she can stay outside in the rain, if she wants. Sugar, in fact, was very happy. To which, chini had got much agitated, "No! Don't do that to my sister! the garbage truck will come and pick sugar up and throw her in fire .. like Andy's toys in toy story 3!!" Sugar was excited with the idea of hitching a ride in the garbage truck and the fire truck. Only her sister's protests and convincing made her rethink and both the sister's got in the house, holding hands. Garbage truck actually crushes things before taking them to dump in the fire, mommaLater, she had told me. So, never again talk about leaving her outside on a garbage day! As I had marveled over her immense observation and the sister's bond, the matter, for me, was over.]
What will you do, momma. Answer me.
Why do I have to give you both consequences for everything? Why can't you do just as I ask, in the first place?
Because.. Ok. I will help you. I will ask sugar to come.



Now tell me what will I do?? What should I do??

Feasts and festivities..

So october is over... And what a dynamic month it was! With almost all the holidays an Indian can wish for.. Except for the fact that none of them were holidays as such, if you get the pun, that is. Okay, so for all my readers, the festibols(as chini calls them) are called holidays here in the States; whereas for us Indians, who grew up in India, holiday would mean any declared/official off-day from work/school etc. Excluding karwachauth none of our major days coincided with a weekend this month.

The best thing i love about all these festivities is the kids excitement about it. Chini loves to 'tilak' everybody and anybody(including her dollies), sugar loves to ring the bell, and both of them love to look into the 'arti' (prayer) books trying to identify as many idols they can. And of course, they absolutely absolutely love dressing up as indian princesses! Which as you might have guessed means the traditional attire. Chini is so much into it that, just to appease her, I had to put one on her the day I had done the Diwali story at her school. She was so cross with me that I, along with sugar, had come in our traditional dresses, whereas she was not!

The month of all holiness had started With the Nine days of navratras. For me, it was very special coz for the first time ever, I could keep my resolution of not yelling at my little 'Devi avatars'.. For whole of nine days.. And if i forget about one or two meltdowns, I succeeded doing so for entire auspicious month! Kudos to me! It was very important to me b'coz lately I had started getting irritated by a single act of disobedience from them; which at times resulted in such a bad temper that the poor girls used to wonder,"momma, why are you so mad?" That was unhealthy.. Very unhealthy .. For the entire family.. So this month I (tried to) excise control on my anger. (that the dad was at the recieving end instead of the girls, is an entirely different story altogether ;-)). The funniest episode was on the day of 'hoi ashtami'. In brief, hoi fast is observed for the children. And again, as supposedly I was fasting for them, to me, it made more sense that I do not shout at them. Now, my girls chose that very day to test me to the extremes! As soon as chini came back to school, she started picking up a fight on the most mundane matters. All my attempts to intervene, resolve, pacify, and much more yielded no results. Finally, I decided to extradite myself from the scenario. It so happened, that wherever I went, they followed me and after a couple of minutes one or the other would either start crying or cribbing. Everytime! With almost no energy left to try and talk sense to them, I kept hopping from one room to another, one activity to other. Like two little lambs, they followed me to the kitchen, to the laundry, to the computer room, to the balcony... Now wll these rooms are on two different floors. Finally, chini gave up, "why are you doing up down, up down, up down all the time?!" stiffling my amusement, i said, " coz you two are not giving me a moment of peace!" " we are not even doing anything" "yeah girl! And you are not letting me either!" sigh

Karwachauth and Hoi were very special, this year, as the dad fasted along with me. He had always wanted to but somehow or other he couldn't. The essence behind these fasts, for us, is the love and to cherish the bond of this small unit of 'family' that we have started together. Also, it is our way of thanking God for the wonderful partner and kids He gave us. Both days, the kids fell asleep before the actual puja, so they missed listening to the story. Hopefully, in the coming years, they will.

Dussehra was spent listening to the story and attempting to, at least, make them taste the 'dahi laddu'. Diwali saw the ladies of the house sick with cold and cough, still trying to light the diyas! And dressing up for the occassion. Laxmi pujan was fun(minus the grand dinner that we used to host every year) and for the goverdhan puja, we went to ISKCON temple(it took 2x time to reach owing to heavy traffic). The ambience in the prayer hall was just amazing! One, cannot escape albeit, get bathed in that devotion-filled air!!

And the month ended with the 'not so holy' Halloween. The gals had been witing for it for an entire year, so it had to get mentioned here. The school didn't allow the dress up, just a head-gear and we weren't going trick-or-treating owing to the snowfall a day before; so, we took the opportunity at the local library. The girls dressed up as fairy Rapunzels had fun at the story time, parading to the bank(the library and the bank share the building) and enjoying delicious treats. The highlight of the day was giving away candies to everybody they saw on the way and at the bank! Surprisingly, sugar( who has difficulty parting/sharing usually) gave away candies without a single moment of hesitation!! Chini did remember going trick- or-treating with her friends at the old house(her exact words) and said she missed them. We used to go trick-or-treating with our neighbors there. In fact, two haloweens back, we had made very good friends with one of our neighbours while trick-or-treating! This year, one of our new neighbours(an old lady and a grandma herself) came with two goody bags for the gals at our door! I think, we should have a special day to celebrate neighbours, too!

I leave you with a picture of chini and sugar performing puja.. This was clicked today. I guess the girls want to continue the rituals.. Oh! This reminds me, this morning sugar sneaked the sindur and 'tilak'ed the ganesha idol we have at our entrance. On seeing me, she proudly said,'mumma, i did binddi to bagvaanji!'

This is how I cry!

I really love her when she is about to cry! Don't give me those faces - I am not a mom who would make her cry for no reason.. what I mean is the pouty face she makes when she is about to cry is so adorable!! And then within a second she would be all howling and wailing, taking the nerves out of you. But if you are prompt enough and lucky enough to pacify her the moment she makes her pouty face, you might infact bring back the smile on her face!

Some crocodile tears :)

"Beware - I pout"


"I'd warned you"


"Lucky Momma - You gave me attention & I decided to change my expression"