Sweet Sugary Sugarbun!

In summers, me and Sugarbun used to go for a walk after dropping Chinipie for her swim lessons. We, usually turned those walks into fun nature hunts. on one such walk, we had spotted a dotty ladybug, an incy-wincy spider, a stripy bee, a baby bird, a rolly-polly bug and a wiggly worm. Each time, Sugarbun wud say , " Can I name her lizzie?" 

On her asking this agin for the sixth time, Unlike each time, instead of saying "sure",  I asked her, " how will u know which lizzie is which? U hv named all of them the same? Won't you get confused?" 

Without even blinking her eye, sugar said, "that's a rolly poll lizzie and that's a worm lizzie. They r not even the same! silly mumma!!"

*******

You might remember the hatching-egg incident. Similar to that, Other morning, watching me flip over an omellete, sugarbun had observed, "are you making an egg-roti for breakfast today?" 

Another time, Watching me clean the toilet bowl, "Why are you making the water blue?" (The cleaning liquid being blue n color)

*******

There was a certain phase, when Sugarbun had ended up with multiple time-outs each day; many days in a row. Now, for time-outs, I use a bench kept near our front door, which is otherwise used to sit down and tie-up the shoes. That particular morning, as the dad was tying his shoes, sitting on that very bench, he started texting/e-mailing on his blackberry. 

Oblivious of the fact, seeing him sitting there quietly, a wide-eyed Sugarbun came to me in the kitchen, "Why did you give Papa a time-out? What wrong did HE do?"

*******

Clearly forgetting, that my lovely Sugar is not a sweet little baby anymore, strapped and dozing  in her stroller, I recently went with her to a lingerie store. 

Waving a thong at me, she said, "this is baby's size.(she calls herself a baby.) let's find size 3T for me!" 

Overcoming the shock, I told her that we are not looking anything for her but for momma. Excited, she said, "I will help you!" Now, both my girls, love picking out dresses/shoes/outfits for me to try, which they think would look good on me. Sugarbun, usually picks only blue (her favorite color). So I thought it wouldn't harm but actually would keep her busy. 

But just after sometime, shaking her head, and pulling me by my hand, she said, " let's go to a different store and get you some PROPER clothes!"

Threats and Consequences

It was the dinnertime. As we have our dinner by 6:30 p.m. most of the days, we do not wait for the dad (who anyways is not home before 8:00 p.m.). In order to calm the kids down, I promised to tell them a story during the meal. I made up an instant one and was rather proud of myself (infact, had thought of publishing it here as well), when chini got inspired and decided that she would also tell me a story. Now, this has been going on for quite some time and the kids were encouraged to come up with their creative/narrative talents. For quite a while they were stuck with the "happily ever after syndrome but were fast developing more skills to story-telling. Sugarbun always starts with "Once upon a time" and ended with "the end", in the middle would be anything from dora to mom, to a puppy to anything she can think of at that moment. Chinipie had started giving twists to the traditional tales, sometimes making a potpourri of many stories together and at times coming up with some of her very own, which was amazing.

But the story she made impromptu today, just shook me up. Though, she has been insisting, ever since, "momma, that's just in my story!", I have not been able to fathom her figment of imagination. And somehow feel, much to the dad's amusement, that somehow my actions and doings have led to it.. guilt. Guilt!

Here it goes, exactly as she said it. Let me know what you think of it..

There was a little girl and her baby brother, who lived with their mommy and daddy. Daddy had gone to office. The kids were playing in their play room, when their mommy asked them to clean up in 10 minutes. When mommy came in the room, it was all messy. Toys and books were all on the floor. So she got very angry and went upstairs to her room and banged the door and locked it. When the dad came home, he pushed open the door and asked what happened; to which she replied that the kids are being very mean. The kids, too, entered the room and then the mommy yelled at them. The policemen came and took mommy away and put her in jail. The kids shouted "yippie" and jumped in the bed all night. Then, the dad joined them, cheering "yippie" too!!

To which I asked, was the mommy wrong in asking the kids to clean up their mess? (I always ask them to!In fact, had asked them to clean up before dinner. Their are time-outs or no story or no play time as a consequence)
Do I ever bang the door or lock it? (I never ever bang the door and shutting any door except the front and the back door and of course, the bathroom doors are against the rules of our house. I wonder, if my locking the bathroom door might have triggered that point coz it's sth new for them. Oh! she had closed her room's door on sugar's face, this afternoon, when sugar had started crying, she had immediately realized her folly. I was in another room and didn't intervene.)
Will you be happy if I go away? Sugar replied that they would be sad while each time, chini kept saying it's just a story!


I do try to be strict with them in certain matters, and talk in a firm,stern voice, sometimes, raising my voice, too(which I regret and am trying to improve upon). And there are threats, consequences, time-outs too, which actually turn out to be very traumatic for all of us. Parenting, as I see, is very challenging and an ever-learning process in which I find myself growing with the kids. But, never, had I thought that I am bad at it. Probably, I am thinking too much. Probably, being closer to 5, chini is at a stage where she is constantly inquiring and experimenting with lots of idea around her/in her mind.

For instance, this was the conversation yesterday:
Momma, trying to get sugar to do something: (in a stern voice)
I want you to come here, right now!
Chini, sitting close-by, looks up from her book,
what will you do?
Let her come here first.
no but, what will you do if she doesn't come?
I will get upset.
Then? Then, what will you do?
I will be very upset.
If you get upset, what will you do? Will you hit her?
NO!! We don't raise our hands when we get upset. That's not the right thing. Have I ever hit you?
AFter some thinking,Yes! this morning, when I was getting ready.
Honey! that was an accident! I was trying to reach ur shoes when that happened and I did say sorry to you! (Actually, my hand had accidentally brushed against her)
Yeah you did! but tell me, what will you do to sugar now? Will you put her out in the rain? Will you throw her in the garbage truck? What will you do?
[Okay, now this needs some explanation. On Monday, after bringing chini back from school, sugar had started throwing tantrums and had not wanted to enter the house. "Home is boring", she had said. It was raining and Monday, being the trash pick-up day, after much cajoling, I had said that she can stay outside in the rain, if she wants. Sugar, in fact, was very happy. To which, chini had got much agitated, "No! Don't do that to my sister! the garbage truck will come and pick sugar up and throw her in fire .. like Andy's toys in toy story 3!!" Sugar was excited with the idea of hitching a ride in the garbage truck and the fire truck. Only her sister's protests and convincing made her rethink and both the sister's got in the house, holding hands. Garbage truck actually crushes things before taking them to dump in the fire, mommaLater, she had told me. So, never again talk about leaving her outside on a garbage day! As I had marveled over her immense observation and the sister's bond, the matter, for me, was over.]
What will you do, momma. Answer me.
Why do I have to give you both consequences for everything? Why can't you do just as I ask, in the first place?
Because.. Ok. I will help you. I will ask sugar to come.



Now tell me what will I do?? What should I do??