Exhausted..

I am finally experiencing that sheer and utter exhaustion often described by new parents.
For the past six weeks, naani was here to help me out. She took care of everything - from Chini's massage to her bath to her dirty diapers, though she made sure that I learn doing all these by myself so that she can return to India with a safe thought that her dear grandchild is being handled the proper way. With dad and naani around, literally, I had to do nothing except to feed little baby. Of course, I did chores at home, but if I didn't, mom was there to take care of everything. Dad and naani did most of the playing with Khushi and, of course, to take care of her crying (read howling) nothing and no one could beat naani's expertise.

Naani flew back home on Saturday, which I thought would give Chini two days to get adjusted to her absence and it would not be much difficult as Dad would be there to help me out in handling her, if she becomes a little difficult without naani. Little princess, instead, chose to sleep over it. She slept like an angel for two entire days (naani would have loved to see this!!) - waking up just to nurse or poop or to grace us with an occasional smile!

How I wished she acted the same on menace Monday!

First, she launched into one of the most painful, inconsolable crying sessions she's ever had. She was wailing, absolutely shrieking at the top of her lungs. It was heartbreaking and frustrating, as I tried everything in my soothing repertoire to no avail. I nursed her. I walked with her. I massaged her. I bathed her. I put her in the rocker swing. I sang to her. I danced with her. She just kept bawling.
Her dad called up from his office just to check how both of us were doing. He suggested to check her ears, her tummy, and very sympathetically offered to come home to help me out. I told him I'd be all right (though I appreciated the much-needed moral support), and proceeded to cuddle her very tight.
She was still crying and fussing, but I finally managed to calm her down and put her to sleep
(or she cried herself out to sleep), and then I thought is the perfect time to get out of the room to grab a quick bite and prepare something for lunch. Yes, I had not eaten anything since morning!
I thought perhaps all was now fine, as she seemed to be in a deep, peaceful sleep. But I think something was bothering her--gas in her tummy? water in her ear? a growth spurt? wet diaper? missing naani? hungry again? I was clueless.. everything i did to calm her down did not seem to last longer than 10 minutes-- she woke up every few minutes with a loud cry and nothing, nothing gave her peace. She'd cry. She'd nurse. She'd cry again. She'd pee. She'd sleep. She'd wake, she'd fuss, nurse again, she'd poop, while nursing, fuss again, tire herself out to sleep, cry herself out if I try to put her down to sleep - leaving no moment for me to leave her side or finish any chores in the house.

So here I am. Sitting with my sleeping baby in my lap, amidst the bed unmade, dishes unwashed, hair unkempt, clothes unchanged, body unwashed, drenched in her pee and poop all over. Today, I'm feeling it. I'm absolutely exhausted, my tired eyes just want to sleep. And now she's finally napping... I am not sure for how long.. but a look at her angelic face and I feel exhilarated at miracles of motherhood, even amongst the smelly pee and poop..

And soon the day would arrive..

.. when naani would be packing her suitcases and flying back home. I feel awful.. and I want to cry... cry out loud! I still remember how carefully we had planned our move to Cleveland so that we would be comfortably settled down before she arrives from India. But momma proposes and God disposes; and we had moved to the new city just one week before and to the new flat just two days before she landed! Chini was just a few weeks away from her scheduled landing!

Nonetheless, a perfect timing! Naani gladly helped us in settling down in the new place - ever since she landed, she had been on her foot along with us to shop for our stuff - from groceries to cutlery, from furniture to car and from babies wardrobe to her daughter's (We had moved from LA, so sold most of our stuff, had to buy everything from scratch). After returning from our hectic trips (and in fact before going out,too), she would cook for the entire family, giving her daughter the much needed rest in the last stage of pregnancy. All this and never complaining for her tiredness (she has a very high sugar level and minor spondylitis which has reduced her strength considerably), but concerned for her daughter - who, according to her, shouldn't have gotten into this trouble of moving and settling down at this stage. And she repeatedly conveyed this, much to my annoyance. I could not understand her, then. Now, when I am a mother, I know how she felt.

And then, when we had barely managed to settle down and just started to buy baby's stuff, Chini decided to enter into this world- ten days earlier. Once again, naani took the reins and decided to take care of the home, sending the much needed home food for the Mom and cooking separately for herself and Dad. This she continued for long after we returned from our extended stay in the hospital. She gave me the much needed rest and massage, thus, strengthening me physically and mentally.

With her around, I do not have to care for a thing. She takes care of the kitchen - which always remains spotlessly clean. She takes care of the dishes and goes around the house dusting every piece of furniture every day and assists me with the laundry.

She is the one who gave Chini her first bath. She is the one who massaged her for the first time. She is the one who would console Chini, during her crying fits, cradling her in her arms until she goes off to sleep. She is the one who would change and wash her nappies all the time. She is the one who introduced grapes to her, which Chini took to instantly and loves even now. She is the first one to whom Chini talked to for the very first time! She is the first one to be delighted over Chini's cycling legs and boxing arms! How I wish Chini could remember all that naani did for her! By the time we would visit India, which should be sometime these winters, Chini would have forgotten her naani and naani's touch!

Whatever is bound to happen will happen, how much ever you dread it or try to prolong it. I dread the emptiness in the house once she leaves. I have never stayed with her for so long ever since I had left home for my education. Soon after I had finished my college, I had to join the job which was in a different city and later, got married in another city. It's been almost ten years and I would have hardly spent a few days with her per year. Also, it's almost five years now that I have been working and I hardly took any time off from my work. This is the first time, in years, that I have spent so many cherished days with her. And I dread to see her go back. In fact, a part of me, doesn't want her to go. But to go, she has. She did her part. She did all that she could as a mother. And I enjoyed every moment of it- moments lived both as a mother and as a child; moments spent taking care and taken care of; moments spent nurturing and being nurtured!

Hospital Blues

We had to stay for over a week in the hospital as my little baby was kept in the special care nursery. It wasn't anything serious; some minor chances of infection - so she had to be kept under observation. It was a little painful to see her go back to the nursery every few hours for her check-up, her tiny arm wrapped in IV tubes and little monitor wires all over her body. Her tender skin got bruised with the security anklets! It was a bit hectic for all of us with naani staying at home - taking care of everybody's food, dad- shuttling between hospital, home and office, mom and baby- at the hospital with nurses coming in exactly when you would think that you would catch some sleep. Really, anyways I had to get up to feed the baby and then the nurses would be pouring in at all times - To announce that they are leaving and someone else would take over the shift, the new nurse to announce that she has arrived, to take the baby for the check-ups, to bring back the baby, to update you and what not! I know they were doing their jobs, but point is - they were over-do-ing it!

Nonetheless I should say, the hospital facilities were good with skilled nurses at partum, post-partum and special care. All in all, the stay was okay except for the hospital studio! Yeah! that was the most shocking experience! One day before the discharge from the hospital, we were asked if we need to get our baby's photographs done. Exhausted with the week-long stay and sleeplessness and eager to go home, unknown to what we were in for, we said, "Yes!". They showed us cute photographs of the babies and we were tempted to get the photos done. When the photographer lady came in, our baby was sleeping and her arms wrapped in IV and we asked how would she take a photograph and she said that she does a poopsie trick. She did the poopsie trick and tricked we were! She had this little xerox machine kind of a thing, which she brought in a trolley, kept our sleeping, tired, wrapped in IV baby on it, clicked a button, and we, like fools, shelled out 120 bucks!! Take it as an advice, and never go for snaps in the hospital "studio". You would cry and ask me how could I do that once you see what kind of snap I have for that money! And I have it in all sizes - wallet, stamp, greeting, portrait!! Even, I ask myself the same question - how could I do it!?!!


Anyways, now that it is over, we are more than glad to be home.

After all, All's well that ends well ...until you receive hospital bills!!!

Footprints

The night after I gave birth to Chinipie, I was still in delirium and trying to catch up some sleep when the nurse at the special care nursery called up and asked if I would like to come and feed my little baby. I hadn't yet started nursing her as she was on antibiotics, too and had to be kept well-hydrated. My milk hadn't started coming in yet so she was being formula-fed. Earlier in the evening, I was shifted to the same floor where the special care nursery was so that it would be easier for me to go down to feed her.

This was the first time I could see her, after she was taken by the nurses from the labor and delivery room (unless I count the peep from the window while crossing the nursery to go to my room in the post-partum area). Later, various tests had to be performed on her and we were not allowed to see her. Finally, when we got the thumbs up to visit her, I was being administered my dose of antibiotics (I was running a very high fever in the last stages of delivery). Hence, DH and my mom were lucky enough to go down to the nursery. I gladly took this opportunity and sneaked out of the room so as not to wake them both. Hearing them snore, even on a recliner and a couch, a nurse, who had come to check my stats a few minutes earlier had jokingly remarked, "seems like these are the people who just delivered the baby". Jokes apart, these were the people who hadn't got a chance for two days in a row. These were the people who were praying for the safe birth of the baby and the well-being of the mother. These were the people who had paced the hospital corridor while I was being administered the epidural. These were the people on whose ears all the cries had fell, including the first cry of Chinipie. These were the people who had to do all the running around again the next day!

And they deserved this much needed rest. So I quietly came out of the room with the help of a nurse. Chinipie looked so tiny, wrapped up in the receiving blanket; her eyes closed. I held her, rather, awkwardly as I feared hurting her fragile little body. The nurse sensed this and encouraged me asking me not to be afraid. She had seen many new moms and dads going through this, she said. Still, I was not comfortable as I was dizzy with fever. She offered to show me how to handle the baby and took her from my arms, sat Chinipie up in her arms and fed her the bottle. She must have been very hungry as she latched on to it instantly. As she fed, she also pooped! This was her very first one!! And I am glad I was there to witness it. The nurse cleaned her up and changed the diaper while also showing me how to do it.


She handed me a folder, which contained the instructions for breast feeding and other information for the new born. And while I was going through the folder, I found these little cards in there. At first, I thought these were just some cards with the stats of my baby when I realized that the ink of the little feet over there looked fresh. Instantly, with wonder, I asked, "Are these her footprints?". On confirmation, I could just exclaim, "Oh! WOW!!"




I really like the way the hospital people present things. To them, it might be a routine, but for me this was ecstatic. I was already feeling sad that my new-born couldn't share the room with me as I had fever and then I got this momento when I wasn't expecting. I was filled with joy!

Look at these little feet, aren't they the prettiest ones?

"Khushi" in our life

With great "happiness", Uttam and I are delighted to introduce

Maithili Soni

nicknamed "Khushi"

born on Monday, April 30th at 12:40 pm, weighing 7lbs and 20.5" long.

She's absolutely beautiful. We're so completely in love with her. Her birth was an
unforgettable experience, and we're continually in awe at this sweet tiny miracle in our lives.

Though we had to stay in the hospital a little longer than expected,
we are trying our best to settle down at home,of course, with much needed help of equally delighted 'naani' and enjoy every moment with our little girl.

More updates and many photos to come...

Edited to add: Was deeply touched when I saw this post by Angii. So linked it up with mine.