I just read this post and I was reminded of the day care experience of Chinipie. Had wanted to blog about it then, but as usual it took a back seat until I had completely forgotten about it. Now that I recollected the events of the day, I sat down to blog immediately.
A local daycare near DH's office was offering one free day to the employees. I guess this was a way of promoting their day care. As Chinipie loves being around kids and babies, I thought it would be a good outing for her. Also, had never been to a daycare, so was a little curious to check on one, just to see how they are. This was a good opportunity for two things in one go, so called them up and fixed the appointment. A friend of mine also joined in as we figured out that at least both the babies will play together, if nothing else works out.
On the appointed day, it wasn't the usual good bye to dad as he drove us both to the day care. The day care was clean and the manager was very friendly. Apparently, they had lost the information on the appointment and were a bit surprised when I told them that I plan to spend the day here. Nevertheless, they welcomed the idea and gave me the tour of the day care. They had different rooms for each age group and had two care-givers for each age group. The older kids were enjoying themselves. As it was the haloween time(Oct 31st), the decorations were still on. Many of the kids were in their haloween dresses too. They had a playground for the outdoor activities too. All in all, the day care looked cheerful and bright.
Finally, we went to the nursery and I left Chinipie in the playarea there. As she loves piano, I handed her one and went out. The nursery allowed babies until 18 months of age. So there, were toddlers too and as expected, she was happy to see them around. I gave instructions to the care-giver to call me if she gets very upset and came out of the nursery to the guest area. I had expected her to cry but she was so much absorbed with the babies around that she did not even notice that I was leaving the room (which anyways I had made sure by sneaking out when she was busy looking at the babies). Once or twice I peeped in the room from a window and saw her either playing with the piano or looking at the toddlers. There were these twin boys who were very active and running around in the play pen. One of them,even stepped over Chinipie to go to the other side. My heart almost skipped a beat when I saw this. But Chinipie was so busy watching them, that she did not even realize. So, I was okay. Meanwhile, my friend had arrived too and left her son in the play area. He is a few months older to Chinipie. After a while we could hear their screams in the other room that we were in. The care-giver was busy with the other babies so wasn't paying any attention to them. Here, I would like to add that I noticed that they had two care-givers for 15 babies(their maximum intake). That particular day only 10 babies were in and one care-giver was on leave. They had sent in an extra hand to help, which I very much presume was so because of us visiting. The primary person was good and constantly busy in feeding, nursing or changing diapers of the babies. No doubt, most of the times, the other babies were not being attended to. Obviously, the babies cannot get the same attention and care that they get at home from their mothers. But, seeing this broke my heart. Still, I restrained myself from going in as I knew she would have noticed by now that mom is not around. They changed her diaper (which they say they do every one hour! Even I do not change that frequently) and put her in the bouncer. She loves bouncing, so was happy for a while before she started screaming again. Both the care-givers were busy attending the other babies, so she was allowed to test her vocal chords to the highest. Meanwhile, my friend had already rescued her baby from their neglect and was busy pacifying the crying baby now. After 10 minutes of Chinipie's continuous screams, I couldn't take anymore and went to the nursery to pick her up. She stopped screaming as soon as I picked her up and started looking around happily again. As the younger babies were sleeping in their crib and the older ones were strapped in their booster chairs for the lunch, the play area was empty. My friend and I, put both our babies in there and sat down with them to play. Seeing us around, they started playing again. Chinipie pooped and had a diaper change and was beginning to get tired. My friend and I decided that the babies had enough of the day care and it won't hurt if they do not get to spend the whole day there, so called our drivers (read husbands) to drive us back to home. The care-giver apologized for not being able to spend more time with the babies as her hands was full. I completely understand her situation. She was clearly over-worked and never had a chance to sit down. Nevertheless, I was a bit surprised as I was asked by their manager to come on a Wednesday as they had lesser babies in on a Wednesday (I wonder why?!?). Anyways, our husbands had come and we were more than glad to go back home.
On our way back, DH asked my opinion and I declared that I am not sending my child in a daycare until she is ready to tramp on the other babies. The day cares might be good but I decided that my child did not need to go to one so soon. Not until she gets a bit independent. Under no circumstances, I was going to send her to one at such a tender age. Retrospecting, about it later, I realized there were both pros and cons of sending them to a day care. For one, they learn to be independent. All the toddlers in the nursery were eating by themselves. The youngest one was 13 months old who was eating with a spoon! I was really surprised to see this. But what was lacking there, was a bit of holding and cuddling the babies. And though they said they had music and reading sessions for the babies, I did not see them having any time left for those. So, for now Chinipie is just having me as her care-giver. No day-care for her now. Maybe when she is 12-13 months or 19 months (old enough not to go to a nursery) but not now!
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Xmas is here
Last Christmas, I had received an unexpected gift.. I clearly remember when, after my routine trip to empty my bladder in the middle of the night, I badly wanted to go back to sleep but couldn't as I had felt uncomfortable and errr... gassy(I think my digestive system had taken a form of big air balloon ever since my first trimester). I had tried my best to take those gas bubbles out but failed. Even after all the efforts not only did those teeny weeny bubbles had refused to come out but also kept freely moving in my belly. The more I tried, the more they refused to leave. It was then that I had realized that they are not gas bubbles but Chinipie (whom I knew as my tadpole then) had kicked me for the very first time on the Christmas eve. And as the realization dawned upon me, I had tried to wake DH up, who adamantly refused to budge from his slumber. And I forgot anything to do with the sleep. Keeping my hand on my belly, I lied down with a smile on my lips and thanking Santa for this wonderful gift! As DH had refused to wake up, Santa had made sure that he wouldn't feel those beautiful kicks until after the new year!! :) :)
Later during the pregnancy, the teeny weeny kicks grew harder and were not contained just in the belly but could be felt down till the uterus and up till the ribs. And my tadpole loved her exercises so much that she not only kicked but fisted and banged her mommy with her head as well!! And there were times, when they were so many simultaneously throughout the bulging tummy that it was difficult to tell which ones were the kicks, the fists or the head-banging! Most of the day, she would keep her tiny feet stuck in my left ribs though. I could even feel her little toes and often, used to tell DH that our tadpole doesn't know how to unstuck herself! But one thing, that we knew for sure that our tadpole was going to be a hyper-active child given the way she used her all her limbs!! Am glad, we were not wrong!
This Christmas, my active tadpole uses her limbs to CRAWL! That's right! There's still some time to Xmas but the holiday season has begun and I would consider this as an early Christmas gift from Santa. It's been a week now that she follows me everywhere in the house and my heart knows no joy when hearing me calling her, with a chuckle she comes as fast as she can to me. It started 3-4 days before the 11th of dec, when after her usual massage, I left her on the floor to prepare her a bath and always found her crying loud stuck in the crawling position on her limbs. It was like she had wanted to follow me but couldn't or may be, she was distraught by what she could or could not accomplish. Everytime, I would rescue her, either when her crying would grow too loud or when she would give up and fall on her back crying. But, last Tuesday, when I came back to take her for the bath, she was moving forward on her fours with a "uuuuuuuuuu"!! I had almost bent down to pick her up when I realized she is crawling. I stopped and took a few steps backwards and she followed me with "uuuuuuuuu". I made her follow me until the bathroom door and finally picked her up and kissed her. She, too, was very happy with this new found mobility. Since then, it has become our routine, the speed and agility increasing each day. Initially, she used to lie at my feet to be picked up. Since past two days, she sits on her tiny bumchis when she reaches me. I know, soon she would be be grabbing my pajamas and trying to stand up!!
My tadpole still likes to kick around though her favourite activity now-a-days is crawling. With her hands, she doesn't fist but waves good bye, especially to Daddy when she is done playing with him. Yep! we have this little ritual everyday, when Daddy goes to office, he waves her good-bye (we actually started this after re-watching 'Baby's Day Out' around 3 months back). Last month, she had started raising her hand a bit. Now, she has figured out that when she waves good-bye to Daddy, he leaves the house. So, now it's waving goodbye all the time to him! When mommy enters the room, it's goodbye(*action) time; when daddy irritates (read kisses, rubs his face, hugs tight) a lot, it's goodbye (*action) time, and for no reason again, it's goodbye (*action) time! She does that with a smile on her face. It's such an adorable sight. Both of us burst out with laughter when she does that. In fact, just to see her wave goodbye, on purpose, he irritates her!!
Did I mention, this thanksgiving she learned to clap? Yep, we were in the mall wehn daddy taught her how to clap. She loved clapping so much that she kept doing it all the time for about a week. Later on, she loved waving goodbye so much that she forgot all about clapping. All our efforts to show her how to clap went in vain as she would start waving good bye to us. But last night, she herself started clapping again to my relief!
So these were my gifts this year! What else can I ask from Santa? But since, Santa is being so kind, I take this chance to make a wish. Santa, I always have wanted to see my parents happy and lead a comfortable life. They have made so many sacrifices for us that it's time for them to relax. But, some things keep on happening that even at this age, their lives is not smooth and have to face so much. Though, they would strongly disagree with me and still say that they are content with their lives. Can you take all the troubles away from their lives??
Later during the pregnancy, the teeny weeny kicks grew harder and were not contained just in the belly but could be felt down till the uterus and up till the ribs. And my tadpole loved her exercises so much that she not only kicked but fisted and banged her mommy with her head as well!! And there were times, when they were so many simultaneously throughout the bulging tummy that it was difficult to tell which ones were the kicks, the fists or the head-banging! Most of the day, she would keep her tiny feet stuck in my left ribs though. I could even feel her little toes and often, used to tell DH that our tadpole doesn't know how to unstuck herself! But one thing, that we knew for sure that our tadpole was going to be a hyper-active child given the way she used her all her limbs!! Am glad, we were not wrong!
This Christmas, my active tadpole uses her limbs to CRAWL! That's right! There's still some time to Xmas but the holiday season has begun and I would consider this as an early Christmas gift from Santa. It's been a week now that she follows me everywhere in the house and my heart knows no joy when hearing me calling her, with a chuckle she comes as fast as she can to me. It started 3-4 days before the 11th of dec, when after her usual massage, I left her on the floor to prepare her a bath and always found her crying loud stuck in the crawling position on her limbs. It was like she had wanted to follow me but couldn't or may be, she was distraught by what she could or could not accomplish. Everytime, I would rescue her, either when her crying would grow too loud or when she would give up and fall on her back crying. But, last Tuesday, when I came back to take her for the bath, she was moving forward on her fours with a "uuuuuuuuuu"!! I had almost bent down to pick her up when I realized she is crawling. I stopped and took a few steps backwards and she followed me with "uuuuuuuuu". I made her follow me until the bathroom door and finally picked her up and kissed her. She, too, was very happy with this new found mobility. Since then, it has become our routine, the speed and agility increasing each day. Initially, she used to lie at my feet to be picked up. Since past two days, she sits on her tiny bumchis when she reaches me. I know, soon she would be be grabbing my pajamas and trying to stand up!!
My tadpole still likes to kick around though her favourite activity now-a-days is crawling. With her hands, she doesn't fist but waves good bye, especially to Daddy when she is done playing with him. Yep! we have this little ritual everyday, when Daddy goes to office, he waves her good-bye (we actually started this after re-watching 'Baby's Day Out' around 3 months back). Last month, she had started raising her hand a bit. Now, she has figured out that when she waves good-bye to Daddy, he leaves the house. So, now it's waving goodbye all the time to him! When mommy enters the room, it's goodbye(*action) time; when daddy irritates (read kisses, rubs his face, hugs tight) a lot, it's goodbye (*action) time, and for no reason again, it's goodbye (*action) time! She does that with a smile on her face. It's such an adorable sight. Both of us burst out with laughter when she does that. In fact, just to see her wave goodbye, on purpose, he irritates her!!
Did I mention, this thanksgiving she learned to clap? Yep, we were in the mall wehn daddy taught her how to clap. She loved clapping so much that she kept doing it all the time for about a week. Later on, she loved waving goodbye so much that she forgot all about clapping. All our efforts to show her how to clap went in vain as she would start waving good bye to us. But last night, she herself started clapping again to my relief!
So these were my gifts this year! What else can I ask from Santa? But since, Santa is being so kind, I take this chance to make a wish. Santa, I always have wanted to see my parents happy and lead a comfortable life. They have made so many sacrifices for us that it's time for them to relax. But, some things keep on happening that even at this age, their lives is not smooth and have to face so much. Though, they would strongly disagree with me and still say that they are content with their lives. Can you take all the troubles away from their lives??
Friday, December 7, 2007
A long time..
It's been so long since I have posted on my blog. Every time when I think that I now my Chinipie has a fixed schedule and I can have a fixed routine too and take some time out for the blogs that I so much want to write and the blogs that I love to read, she surprises me and changes her schedule and with each change becomes more demanding. Sometimes, I feel that I should have maintained a baby book instead, keeping a log of every little thing that she does, the idea which I had denied as I had thought that I will be writing a post on her blog everyday. I really should have gone for it as now days go by before I even get a chance to sit peacefully with my laptop. Otherwise it's just a quick login to check for any important mails... Today, after a long time, she is taking her afternoon nap for a longer period in which I could finish all my household chores, bath and then get a chance to login to post. She is such a light sleeper that I really do not want to jinx this blissful moment. I feel very selfish when I say such moments as the blissful ones and find myself longing for or enjoying such times, which are anyways in short supply these days. But the truth cannot be denied. I really long for times, when she sleeps for a longer snap of time leaving me with some time to not only finish the cleaning and the cooking but to leave me with some more time to just be with myself too. Now as I write this, I really feel like a bad mom and have this little pang of guilt of feeling this way. I am not sure if I will get over this guilt especially as she is a wonderful baby and I love to spend time with her and took time off my work only and only for her. But I do feel at times that she should sleep longer and let me be with myself for some time. Any consolations over here? Is it just me or the other moms out there have been through this phase too? If any of you have something to say about this, then please please let me know.
Hmmm.. today the apply of my eye turns 7 months and 7 days old and I have to do post on her past month. But that I will postpone for a while. For now, I am thrilled with this new surprise she had for me today! Before this one takes a back seat in my memory and I never get to blog again, let me jot it down here. I am absolutely absolutely in awe with this new milestone of hers! SHE CAN SIT UP BY HERSELF!! Yep! that's right!!! Two days back, I had put her to sleep in her crib and after about an hour she had let out a cry just as DH and I had sat down for the dinner. We listened for a while, and when her crying didn't stop DH went to pick her up. When he came back with her in his arms, he had told me that she was sitting in the crib and crying. I looked at him with disbelief! How could it be possible? She is with me the whole day and she never did that when she is fresh and active and even tired for that matter. How could she do that in her sleep? And that too when mommy is not watching her? Or is not there to notice it first? Hmmm.. Dad was obviously overstating things. She would have been on her all fours, just as she has been doing for past few days, and he would have been making up the rest of it. Nevertheless, I kept watching her the next day. I even left her for longer time than usual, intentionally not lifting her up when obviously she was tired being on her fours and shedding tears. I kept myself from entering the room she was in hoping to see her on her little bums when I go inside. But no, she didn't get on her hunches. Daddy was obviously making it up. Confirmed. And then I forgot everything about it. And then today, she did it! That too in front of my very own eyes!! I had put her in the crib as I was tidying up the bed. I saw her rolling over to her tummy and then getting on her fours and then she brought one of her legs forward. Simultaneously, she started crying. I thought she was stuck and as I came up to her to pick her up, and had my arms almost around her, when I noticed that she is trying to actually sit! I stopped and watched her. She pulled the other leg half way to the front and put all her weight on her hunches and then lifted her arms up to be picked up!!! I was so happy, I could have jumped hundreds of times. But I picked her up and cuddled her and kissed her face. She clearly did not want all these. I was very very happy with her so decided to give her whatever she wanted. So I nursed her to sleep, snuggled up next to me. In turn, she gave me what I wanted.. A longer nap!!!
mmmmuuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!
I love her sooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!!!!
Hmmm.. today the apply of my eye turns 7 months and 7 days old and I have to do post on her past month. But that I will postpone for a while. For now, I am thrilled with this new surprise she had for me today! Before this one takes a back seat in my memory and I never get to blog again, let me jot it down here. I am absolutely absolutely in awe with this new milestone of hers! SHE CAN SIT UP BY HERSELF!! Yep! that's right!!! Two days back, I had put her to sleep in her crib and after about an hour she had let out a cry just as DH and I had sat down for the dinner. We listened for a while, and when her crying didn't stop DH went to pick her up. When he came back with her in his arms, he had told me that she was sitting in the crib and crying. I looked at him with disbelief! How could it be possible? She is with me the whole day and she never did that when she is fresh and active and even tired for that matter. How could she do that in her sleep? And that too when mommy is not watching her? Or is not there to notice it first? Hmmm.. Dad was obviously overstating things. She would have been on her all fours, just as she has been doing for past few days, and he would have been making up the rest of it. Nevertheless, I kept watching her the next day. I even left her for longer time than usual, intentionally not lifting her up when obviously she was tired being on her fours and shedding tears. I kept myself from entering the room she was in hoping to see her on her little bums when I go inside. But no, she didn't get on her hunches. Daddy was obviously making it up. Confirmed. And then I forgot everything about it. And then today, she did it! That too in front of my very own eyes!! I had put her in the crib as I was tidying up the bed. I saw her rolling over to her tummy and then getting on her fours and then she brought one of her legs forward. Simultaneously, she started crying. I thought she was stuck and as I came up to her to pick her up, and had my arms almost around her, when I noticed that she is trying to actually sit! I stopped and watched her. She pulled the other leg half way to the front and put all her weight on her hunches and then lifted her arms up to be picked up!!! I was so happy, I could have jumped hundreds of times. But I picked her up and cuddled her and kissed her face. She clearly did not want all these. I was very very happy with her so decided to give her whatever she wanted. So I nursed her to sleep, snuggled up next to me. In turn, she gave me what I wanted.. A longer nap!!!
mmmmuuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!
I love her sooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!!!!
Monday, November 19, 2007
My baby is a Anne Geddes star!!
Every parent on this earth believe that theirs is the most beautiful baby in the whole universe. And I am no exception to it. I had entered my little doll's photographs in the Anne Geddes photo quest contest just for fun. As I keep clicking her photographs and now that I am home, I keep shopping online a lots of stuff for her too. So, I had come across this photo contest while looking for some of the famous Anne Geddes stuff. That I have been an Anne Geddes stuff fan since childhood and it had reached the pinnacle during the pregnancy days is no secret to those who have seen me. I used to collect the greeting cards with the cute anne geddes pictures and the posters with those lovely babies with in pots, buckets, on flowers were a favourite gift during the graduation days. DH, too, is a huge fan of her collection and had carefully compiled a few pictures of ours in a Anne Geddes Album as a present for me on my first birthday after our marriage. When I was carrying Chinipie, I had wanted pictures of happy babies in my room. Googling for 'Anne Geddes', I stumbled across her website and saved lots of pictures of her. Later, I mailed them to DH and asked him to get them in print for him. Poor DH, he not only printed, but also put them in my room with me instructing him throughout. And guess what, we had a change of pictures every few days!!
As I was surfing again on her website, I came across this contest and as I had a picture ready, I posted it and had forgotten everything about it (I am actually eying for a different contest altogether about which I will post later!). Just now I received a mail and guess what, my darling daughter is a STAR!!
That's right!! She is one of the October 2007 stars and her photo will be up on the site for one whole month. She, also, receives a beautiful leather album. I am so jubilant! I almost cried out lout and stopped myself from waking DH up from his deep slumber. Nevertheless, I gave Chinipie a hug. She squirmed and went back to sleep clinging on to my leg. So, here I am, sharing my news with all of you guys there. Check this link, go to star no 6 of 57 and Congratulate me!
I figured that this link might not be always hosted, therefore, am keeping a snapshot for records.
As I was surfing again on her website, I came across this contest and as I had a picture ready, I posted it and had forgotten everything about it (I am actually eying for a different contest altogether about which I will post later!). Just now I received a mail and guess what, my darling daughter is a STAR!!
That's right!! She is one of the October 2007 stars and her photo will be up on the site for one whole month. She, also, receives a beautiful leather album. I am so jubilant! I almost cried out lout and stopped myself from waking DH up from his deep slumber. Nevertheless, I gave Chinipie a hug. She squirmed and went back to sleep clinging on to my leg. So, here I am, sharing my news with all of you guys there. Check this link, go to star no 6 of 57 and Congratulate me!
I figured that this link might not be always hosted, therefore, am keeping a snapshot for records.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
To be or not to be...
on H1B visa... is the question that has been hovering on my mind constantly for the past few months. I have been very passionate about my work pre-Chinipie days and knew that after the first few months, when the baby needs you the most, I would definitely join back. And then, when my pregnancy was almost to the term, we moved from LA to Cleveland. That meant, I had to be completely relieved from the project I was working on through my employer (those who now how the s/w consultancy firms work would understand this). And then, Chinipie entered my world!
The pre-approved maternity leaves for three months, got extended to one more month and then one more and then I realized that my baby is my passion now. I was not ready to join work when very evidently my baby needs me more. Friends and relatives suggested to hire a babysitter/nanny or look for a home day-care or Indian baby-sitters if I were not okay with leaving her in the expensive and bigger day-cares where the staff is usually very over worked (and underpaid). But, the very thought of just leaving the baby with somebody else was very un-appetizing to me. How can somebody else take care of her needs as I do? They can change her diapers, feed her, play with her at times, put her to sleep, but how can they give the emotional support that only me, her mom can? How can they be the primary care giver? And then, the germs and diseases that she would be exposed to at such a tender age. To this, some of my friends added that their are other babies who go survive all this and adapt themselves, sooner or later, and now-a-days, it is very acceptable. Of course, they meant well and advised what they thought was the best. But, I just could not come to the terms of entrusting her in somebody else's hands for the whole day. One can argue that it's just a matter of few hours. But I see it as the whole day. Chinipie sleeps at around 9 in the night and gets up at 6 in the morning. If I go to work, this would mean that I need to dress her up, dress myself up and the casual mornings that we enjoy together would no longer be the same. Evenings, when I would bring her back while returning from work, would be spent in cooking and preparing for the next day. A little time to play, perhaps. This would mean that she would be home only to sleep!?! when she doesn't even go to the school or the college! Nopes, I just cannot come to the terms of this very idea.
And then the factor that if I join back work, it would be in an entirely new city, a new project/client location, a completely new team with new set of people who might or might not understand my need to leave on-time (s/w professionals are known to work over-hours) or early some days (when she would have to be picked up early) or take offs for that matter (in case she is not well, which I hear is a common for young babies who go to the day care. What justice would I be doing to my work? to myself? to Chinipie? I know, for sure, NONE!
More often than not, there are days when the unwashed dishes lie in the sink, the bed is waiting to be made up, the toilets to be cleaned, house to be vacuumed or at least tidied up, table-mats to be wiped, me yet to take bath, or cook food or eat for that matter. And I am busy feeding her, nursing her, bathing her, cooing her or just playing with her. I wait for her to go to sleep so that I get some time to do the chores or at the least cook something for myself and eat. And on such days, Chinipe just refused to go to sleep. She would take a short nap while nursing and as soon as I try to put her down, she would get up -all fresh and ready to play. All that I manage to do on such days is ZILCH! Neither do I enjoy with her completely, nor am I able to finish any of the tasks. When this happened more than a couple of times, I figured out that everything else can wait but these moments with Chinipie cannot! And I knew that all I want to do for now, is enjoy with her.
And this is when I decided that I do not want to go back to to work until she is independent. My current employers cannot keep me on H1B without being on the payroll (I have been on a leave without pay) for longer. So, they have asked me to get my visa converted to H4, a dependent visa, so that they can have my leaves approved, me being an offshore employee. This is what brought another dilemma. First it was, whether to join back the work and then it is, whether to stay on H1B or not? If I lose my H1B status, I would not be able to go back to work when I wish coz the whole process of getting another work visa is quite a lengthy one. And if I want to stay on H1B, either a find another employer (who would not want to hire someone who is not on payroll and then the H1B harassments is so common. I just do not want to fall in the wrong hands) or if I choose to stay with my current one, I have to join back work and try to take a transfer to this new city, which in itself is a big head-ache and joining back work, is anyways what I have decided not to. So, all in all, this is so much jumbled up. All this thinking has been eating my head and then I decided to vent it out, here, in my space, today.
And as I am writing this, I know which one I am going for. Any guesses?
Yep! it is the H4!! Whatever it takes to keep my Chinipie happy and healthy, I am in for it!! After all, my first priority is my baby, everything else can wait!!
The pre-approved maternity leaves for three months, got extended to one more month and then one more and then I realized that my baby is my passion now. I was not ready to join work when very evidently my baby needs me more. Friends and relatives suggested to hire a babysitter/nanny or look for a home day-care or Indian baby-sitters if I were not okay with leaving her in the expensive and bigger day-cares where the staff is usually very over worked (and underpaid). But, the very thought of just leaving the baby with somebody else was very un-appetizing to me. How can somebody else take care of her needs as I do? They can change her diapers, feed her, play with her at times, put her to sleep, but how can they give the emotional support that only me, her mom can? How can they be the primary care giver? And then, the germs and diseases that she would be exposed to at such a tender age. To this, some of my friends added that their are other babies who go survive all this and adapt themselves, sooner or later, and now-a-days, it is very acceptable. Of course, they meant well and advised what they thought was the best. But, I just could not come to the terms of entrusting her in somebody else's hands for the whole day. One can argue that it's just a matter of few hours. But I see it as the whole day. Chinipie sleeps at around 9 in the night and gets up at 6 in the morning. If I go to work, this would mean that I need to dress her up, dress myself up and the casual mornings that we enjoy together would no longer be the same. Evenings, when I would bring her back while returning from work, would be spent in cooking and preparing for the next day. A little time to play, perhaps. This would mean that she would be home only to sleep!?! when she doesn't even go to the school or the college! Nopes, I just cannot come to the terms of this very idea.
And then the factor that if I join back work, it would be in an entirely new city, a new project/client location, a completely new team with new set of people who might or might not understand my need to leave on-time (s/w professionals are known to work over-hours) or early some days (when she would have to be picked up early) or take offs for that matter (in case she is not well, which I hear is a common for young babies who go to the day care. What justice would I be doing to my work? to myself? to Chinipie? I know, for sure, NONE!
More often than not, there are days when the unwashed dishes lie in the sink, the bed is waiting to be made up, the toilets to be cleaned, house to be vacuumed or at least tidied up, table-mats to be wiped, me yet to take bath, or cook food or eat for that matter. And I am busy feeding her, nursing her, bathing her, cooing her or just playing with her. I wait for her to go to sleep so that I get some time to do the chores or at the least cook something for myself and eat. And on such days, Chinipe just refused to go to sleep. She would take a short nap while nursing and as soon as I try to put her down, she would get up -all fresh and ready to play. All that I manage to do on such days is ZILCH! Neither do I enjoy with her completely, nor am I able to finish any of the tasks. When this happened more than a couple of times, I figured out that everything else can wait but these moments with Chinipie cannot! And I knew that all I want to do for now, is enjoy with her.
And this is when I decided that I do not want to go back to to work until she is independent. My current employers cannot keep me on H1B without being on the payroll (I have been on a leave without pay) for longer. So, they have asked me to get my visa converted to H4, a dependent visa, so that they can have my leaves approved, me being an offshore employee. This is what brought another dilemma. First it was, whether to join back the work and then it is, whether to stay on H1B or not? If I lose my H1B status, I would not be able to go back to work when I wish coz the whole process of getting another work visa is quite a lengthy one. And if I want to stay on H1B, either a find another employer (who would not want to hire someone who is not on payroll and then the H1B harassments is so common. I just do not want to fall in the wrong hands) or if I choose to stay with my current one, I have to join back work and try to take a transfer to this new city, which in itself is a big head-ache and joining back work, is anyways what I have decided not to. So, all in all, this is so much jumbled up. All this thinking has been eating my head and then I decided to vent it out, here, in my space, today.
And as I am writing this, I know which one I am going for. Any guesses?
Yep! it is the H4!! Whatever it takes to keep my Chinipie happy and healthy, I am in for it!! After all, my first priority is my baby, everything else can wait!!
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